


Amnesia

by MyrJuhl



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Drama, F/M, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:23:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 58,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrJuhl/pseuds/MyrJuhl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a car accident, Bill’s body is never found. Tom grieves his passing profusely, but the twin bond won't leave him alone. Suddenly, six months later, Tom stumbles across a blond young man who looks exactly like Bill, but he has no idea who Tom is.</p><p>Timeline: 2010.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Just a thing that struck me at work. I know the plot is terribly shifty and legally unrealistic. Mostly, I wanted to play with the emotional side of the dilemma, and it was fun writing it :)
> 
>  
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** These events never happened. This fic is for entertainment purposes only, not profit. No claim was made through this work as to the fictional characters/ actual lives/ preferences/ activities of the people mentioned herein.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Hmmm?” Tom was abruptly awoken from a nap. Looking at the clock on the wall, he could tell it was almost 10pm in the evening. “Bill?” he called out.

The phone was ringing. Tom sat up confused. Bill should have been home from that interview long ago. Grabbing for his phone, he quickly flipped the lid open. “Bill?” he asked, still sleepy.

“Tom?”

“David?” Tom replied. “Oh, I thought it was Bill. What is it?” A yawn slipped passed his lips, as David continued apprehensively.

“So Bill... isn’t with you?”

“What? No. He was at that interview.”

“I know, Tom. Fuck...” David’s voice shook slightly. “Bill was in a car accident tonight, Tom.”

“What!? Another one?” Tom shot out of the couch and tried bewilderedly to find one of the shoes he’d shook off while he dropped off on the couch. “Was he hurt?” He snapped his head from side to side to locate his other lost shoe. “Where is he?”

“Tom. Sit down.”

“Huh?” Tom stopped.

“Sit down, Tom,” David said, his voice too soft and terror ran through Tom with a new force.

“What?” Tom whispered, concentrating on understanding what David was trying to tell him.

“Tom...” David tried to bring forth his message.

“No...” Tom brows already puckered. “No, David!” His lip was already wobbling, imagining the worst-case scenario.

“From what I know, the car caught fire somehow and it went fast. The car blew up. There’s no sight of him. I’m so sorry, Tom. I have no words to describe how fucking sorry I am. I’m so cut up.”

“Bill?” Tom croaked, sliding down on the floor. “But I would have FELT it! He’s not dead,” Tom protested already in denial.

“I’m picking you up right now. I’ll be there in a minute tops, then we’ll go and see for ourselves.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tom disconnected and frantically began texting Bill.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Dieter?”

“Huh?”

“What are you doing here in the middle of the night? I’ve been looking all over for you! You could have fallen or gotten hit by a car.”

“I was just... I’m not sure.”

“Get in the car. You can’t just walk on the Autobahn like that. You could get yourself killed, Dieter!”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Where did you go? I’ve looked everywhere for you.”

“I’m... I don’t know. I think I’m lost.”

“Well, isn’t it great that I found you so soon, then? And what the fuck happened to your hair?”

“M-my hair? I’m kind of lost... could you give me directions?”

“Dieter... I found you. You’re not lost. Now get in the car!”

“I’m not sure about this. I already have a car. I think someone might be looking for me.”

“It’s me. I’ve been looking for you. What’s wrong with you? You don’t even have a driver’s licence. God and that hair, Dieter...”

“You sure my name is Dieter?”

“Sure I’m sure. We live together.”

“All right, I’ll get in the car then.”

“Good. Where the fuck were you?”

“D-don’t touch my face.”

“Shhh... I’m not hurting you, I’m just gonna look at your face. That hair needs to get off when we come home. We can’t see your pretty face that way, Dieter.”

“It’s all over the place.”

“And wet. You’ve got a nasty bruise on your forehead.”

“I’m a bit dizzy. I have a massive head ache.”

“You lost your shoes, Dieter.”

“Yeah, that’s... I’m not sure what happened. I can’t really remember anything.”

“You walked on the Autobahn with no shoes?”

“Apparently.”

“I’ll take care of everything. I’ll take real good care of you when we get home, Dieter.”

“I don’t think my name is...”

“What else would it be? Silly boy. Now buckle up.”

“It’s... I don’t remember. I have a head ache.”

“It’s Dieter. Because I know you. You’re safe with me. Now, let’s get you home. I have some pain killers for your head ache.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

As soon as David arrived, Tom hurried to open the car door. He’d gone outside right away not able to stand being in the house a second longer.

“Did you call your parents?” David asked.

“No... I can’t think.”

“Well, they called me and they’re on their way.”

“When did it happen?”

“The police didn’t tell me much, so I asked them why they called me and not you. They had called your parents first.”

Tom just nodded. He couldn’t take much more. “Why didn’t my mama call me?”

“I don’t think they’re able to, Tom. She asked me to call you.”

“Huh?” Tom was hardly listening to the answers to his own questions.

“What are you doing?” David asked.

“Texting Bill,” Tom responded in a voice that usually meant ‘don’t fucking interrupt me’. David didn’t say anything else for the rest of the ride. Tom was in a world of his own, praying and hoping to the last minute that Bill was just waiting for them when they arrived.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“You look like a wet dog, Dieter, and your face is all dirty.”

“Maybe I should see a doctor?”

“We’re home now. It’s too late to go seeing a doctor. You’ll be fine soon. It’ll all come back to you. Maybe you just got a little concussion under that bump of yours?”

“I don’t remember hitting my head.”

“Dieter... you don’t even remember your own name... remember? Now, we just need to get rid of that jungle nest of hair. It’s all tangled up.”

“What are you doing?”

“Relax. After I use the shaver, you’ll look like yourself again. Won’t that be nice?”

“All that hair...”

“Yeah, let’s cut it all off.”

“Uhm...o-okay.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Tom put on a determined air to prevent himself from falling apart. Adrenaline coursed through his body from sheer nerves.

“I want to see his fucking car.” 

There were many vehicles with flashing lights at the scene of the accident. Hurrying to get close right away, Tom pushed his way through and, when he stood face to face with the horrible remains of his brother’s car, he lost it and sobbed. The car was completely burned out. Nothing was inside of it, nothing but scorched metallic crap that used to be the car seats. Tom bit his lower lip, and David was struggling to keep it together, too. 

Bill would be missed. His charisma shone so brightly that it would be like someone turned off the light in the band and in their hearts when he was gone. 

Looking around frantically, Tom called out for Bill.

“Tom...” David’s gentle voice tried to reason with him, as he followed the guitarist around.

“BILL?!” Tom screamed.

“He’s gone, Tom...”

“I want to see his fucking body, THEN he’s gone,” Tom snarled at David, who backed off. There were people everywhere busy investigating or whatever it was they did in a situation like that, and Tom grabbed the arm of a man passing by him.

“Have you found my brother?”

“Sorry no. It’s impossible for anybody to have escaped the car. The doors were impossible to open.”

“Safety belt? Was it done or undone?”

“Done. I’m sorry.”

Tom’s breath hitched and finally he neared the vehicle. “But can you see him in there? There must be a skeleton!”

“Not always. It was a powerful explosion.”

“The car blew up?”

The man saw Tom’s expression and with a grimace he carried on, leaving Tom just standing there. A paramedic approached him carefully, trying to coax him to come along and be treated for shock, but Tom’s parents arrived in that instant and Tom saw his own grief mirrored in their faces as he fell into their arms.

“It hurts so much, mama. I should have felt something happening to him.”

“Maybe it happened too fast, Tom.”

Tom pushed his wet face against his mother’s neck. “He’s out there somewhere.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Where is my stuff?”

“You left your home yesterday. You wanted to run away because we couldn’t be together.”

“I ran away?”

“Yeah. So we can stay together.”

“So I have nothing to remind me of me?”

“No. You didn’t bring anything. You just left home.”

“And where did I used to live?”

“Beats me. You never told me, Dieter.”

“So basically, nobody misses me?”

“No. They disowned you when you told them you were gay.”

“Did they... beat me up?”

“It’s possible. I’m sorry, Dieter.”

“No worries. At least I have you.”

“Yeah, you do. Come to bed.”

“O-okay...”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

The bond was driving Tom crazy. He felt it so keenly and it wouldn’t stop filling him with hope. A month had passed and he never left home in case he’d miss a phone call and Bill suddenly stood at his door and couldn’t come in. Everyone around him was preparing for an official statement that Bill was missing, but Tom wouldn’t participate. It was too soon. His parents thought he was in denial, but how could he be when there was still hope? He was sure Bill had to be out there. He was not allowed to die like that. They were born together and someway in Tom’s illogical mind they’d die together.

Tom ran an almost non-stop film in his mind visualizing Bill escaping the car. But the wishful thinking for the impossible put Tom in a state of depression for a while, which he took pills for and it helped him getting up in the morning and care for the dogs. Next was to declare that Bill was officially dead, but that wasn’t going to happen either according to Tom. So far, he’d only agreed to put Tokio Hotel affairs on hiatus.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Are you sure this is all right? You sure we used to do this?”

“Of course.”

“You say that all the time. Every time I question something...”

“You can’t remember anything, Dieter! And your mouth hasn’t stopped talking since I found you!”

“First you said we were roommates. Suddenly, you’re telling me we’re boyfriends. How can I be certain when I can’t remember it?”

“I wasn’t sure you’d be happy about knowing what we are right away, so I didn’t mention it at first. And look, you’re not comfortable about it, right?”

“I guess not. But I can’t get used to this. It hurts too much every time.”

“It’s just a phase. We used to fuck all day.”

“It doesn’t feel like we used to.”

“Well, we did. And you loved it. Couldn’t get enough.”

“How about I fuck you?”

“Well, that’s not really how we...”

“Maybe it’s time for a change. Obviously, I’ve changed, so we’ll try me topping.”

“But, Dieter...”

“But nothing! You want a fuck, we’ll do it my way.”

“I don’t think we’re doing it your way, Dieter.”

“Then I’m sleeping in the guest room.”

“No, you stay right here. Got it?”

“Awww!! You didn’t have to slap my arse!”

“Just letting you know that I’m in charge. Get on your hands and knees.”

“Just go slower...”

“We’ll go slower, Dieter.”

“I’m just not used to the feeling. Aww... slower!”

“If I go any slower I wouldn’t be moving at all.”

“Fine!”

“You love this, Dieter.”

“Not really! There is _nothing_ about this that tells me I’m supposed to love it.”

“How about now?”

“I don’t know... oh god, oh god...”

“Want more?”

“Ooohuh...”

“What?”

“Y-yeah...”

“That’s it, Dieter.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“I can’t believe it’s been three months.” Georg and Tom sat outside in the back yard watching the dogs tumble about happily.

“Yeah... mama said it was up to me. But I can’t do it,” Tom whispered, fresh tears welling up in his eyes. He felt like he’d cried for three months straight. Whenever he thought he was ready to declare Bill dead, he couldn’t because the old nagging 6th sense wouldn't leave him be. He hadn’t stopped sensing Bill wasn’t entirely gone.

“What if he’s a spirit? Like... still here but just not able to contact me?”

“Then he’ll still be here. Declaring him dead won’t change that and should he turn up like you know, for real, he’ll just come back to society and everybody will be thrilled,” Georg said.

“Yeah...” Tom mumbled. “I’ll be ripping a chunk out of my chest. My heart. I’ll feel like I’m...”

“You’ll get peace, Tom. It’ll do you more good than you can imagine.”

“Did you declare him dead?”

“In my mind I’ve said my farewells. And I moved on. The fans have probably moved on long ago.”

“Yeah. They’ve forgotten about us.”

“Our fan base was always young. Can’t blame them. New stars fight the charts every month, they’re dragging our fans along and give them new idols to adore,” Georg said. He was thinking about marrying his sweetheart and, to Tom, it was his friend’s way of leaving the band. The girl had been patient for a few years now. She deserved it. Georg deserved it. They wanted kids.

“Okay. I’ll tell my mother I’m ready. I’m not, but I don’t think I’ll ever be. I’ll take Bill with me to the grave.”

“Tom?” Georg asked, a tone in his voice told Tom to choose his next words carefully.

“I’m not going to kill myself, Georg, but lord knows I’m dead inside as it is. I’m never getting over it. Not even if my mind tells me I am. My heart is...” Tom ran a palm over his eyes to wipe the tears away.

“I know. I never thought you would. But you’re at least doing something.”

Tom nodded and called for the dogs to gather inside. What a fucked up 21st birthday gift.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Just... stop touching me!”

“I just wanted...”

“No. You’re always trying that.”

“It’s perfectly normal for boyfriends.”

“Well, I don’t like it in public.”

“You used to.”

“I changed. Whatever I used to do has changed.”

“You don’t wanna fuck anymore.”

“Maybe I’m the top?”

“You were always the bottom, Dieter!”

“Grrrr!!!”

“Okay – You’re pissed. Perfectly natural. When we get home...”

“Shut up! You’re always telling me how I feel. Just quit it already!”

“Dieter...”

“No! You constantly plan ahead. It’s driving me insane. Did it ever occur to you that even though I can’t remember what happened, I actually don’t need you breathing down my neck all the time _thinking_ for me? I need some space.”

“That’s how you got lost in the first place, Dieter. You told your folks you needed space.”

“Again, no! You said I came out and then I was thrown out.” 

“You wanted to move out anyway. It was the same thing.”

“And you graciously let me stay here... as your roommate.”

“No – as your _boyfriend_. C’mon, Dieter. We were boyfriends. We are boyfriends.”

“Yeah, all right. But, just give me more space, though. You’re so controlling and I can’t breathe around you.”

“Maybe you should get a job even if you’re always tired?”

“A job?”

“Yeah."

“What did I used to do?”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t tell you? What the fuck? I’m getting desperate with you. You always avoid giving me hints that might trigger my memory and background claiming I didn’t tell you or _you_ can’t remember, like you’re the one who suddenly got amnesia. I’m going for a walk on my own.”

“You shouldn’t...”

“Piss off!”

“Dieter!?”

“I’ll get back to you. Just give me fucking space.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Once the announcement had been published that Bill was officially declared dead, the band was stalked for a comment. Tom refused to say anything, and neither did the G’s. If Tom began acknowledging in public about all his doubts and sorrows, he’d never be left alone. Keeping to himself, Tom just lived with his parents for a while before he felt he could handle selling the house and furniture and move back to Berlin. He got himself a flat with new furniture. He had stored Bill’s belongings because he wasn’t ready to let go of those yet.

The days went by quickly as Tom busied himself with moving in and organizing the few rooms. Not even recognising it himself, he was preparing a room for Bill, although he called the room a guest room. Before he knew it, he collected Bill’s stuff and arranged those in the room. Tom stropped braiding and dying his long hair, and just pushed the strands through the back of a cap gathered with an elastic band like he used to with the dreads. He still played the guitar, but missed the lyrical inputs Bill would provide, so the songs never seemed to get finished. His life was dull, boring, and on hold. 

Declaring Bill dead hadn’t really given Tom the inner peace that everybody had said it would bring him. As a matter of fact, what gave him peace was still being able to see Bill’s stuff cluttering the guest room. A few times Tom thought he knew Bill was in distress, but eventually he decided it had to be some kind of déjà vu, and he brutally stopped himself from getting stressed about the twin feeling anymore. Wherever Bill was now, Tom couldn’t reach him anymore.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

The dogs yelped wanting to be let out for a walk. It was in the middle of the day and Tom preferred to walk them later when there were fewer people in the street. However, he’d changed his looks so radically that he was hardly recognised anymore when he did venture outside. He’d ditched his trademark dress code and let his hair hang loose around his face. He dressed in smaller sized more fitting clothes. He’d put away his XXX large wardrobe when he realised that having an attitude nowadays didn’t make any sense any more, and dressing the way he did now, made him feel closer to Bill.

His beloved dogs jumped ecstatically at the door as Tom put the leashes on them. The smaller dogs, which had primarily been Bill’s, were now living with his parents. Caring for four dogs all by himself had become too much.

“Come on guys,” Tom encouraged the pups and opened the front door to guide them to the street level. Walking the dogs, Tom quickly slipped into his own world only getting his thoughts interrupted when one of the dogs had to mark their territory or investigate irresistible scents and objects.

“Hey!” 

Tom stopped unexpectedly, as he barged into someone on his path.

“I’m sor...” Tom stopped his apology abruptly, but then his eyes widened when he got a look at the other person staring blankly back at him. There was something about the guy he’d almost flattened to the pavement with his dogs. “B-b...” Tom stuttered. Then he swallowed nervously. It had happened again. The last time he’d done this was a few weeks ago in Magdeburg, on a stroll with Georg and his girlfriend. Literally grabbing a stranger by the shoulder thinking they were Bill. Looking like him so much Tom had been ready to believe that this time, he’d finally found his twin. But of course it hadn’t been his twin. The person had been a tall woman who’d been quite frightened by the desperate look in his face and practically run from him.

The young man in front of him now, however, looked weirdly at Tom, trying to skirt away from the dogs that seemed eager to greet him. The latter couldn’t phantom what in fact he was looking at. The guy wore a grey knitted beanie that Tom knew so well, but the fringe that popped out from under the rim was surprisingly dirty blond veiling his brown almond shaped eyes; the whole look emphasizing his narrow pretty features. The last time Bill had a hair cut like that was in first or second grade. The shocking thing was that he had the tell tale mole on his fucking chin, and still he didn’t really look like Bill and yet in a freakish way he looked exactly like Bill did sans make up. But nothing about his body language reminded Tom of Bill. He just stood there wordlessly and stared back at Tom – waiting to find out what Tom wanted from him. Finally, Tom realised that this couldn’t be Bill. He just wished he was. This guy lacked Bill’s energy – without it, he was just a look-alike.

“Sorry,” Tom finally mumbled and stepped to the side, trying to make the dogs behave. They were not happy about that, but they tried to charm up any person they met on their walks. Tom apologised once more. The stranger cast a glance at the dogs and Tom thought for a second that he looked like he wanted to pet their heads, but he turned on his heels and walked past them. Tom looked at his retreating back, hoping and wishing he’d look back, and suddenly he did. A very confused expression marred his forehead and that expression was so much like his twin that Tom whimpered in need to talk to him. Quickly, the man looked away when he found out that Tom was looking and Tom looked. He noticed a certain swagger in the guy’s upper body, endlessly long legs, and tiny hips and Tom realised that _that_ was Bill’s way of walking.

Something was so wrong and Tom felt it in his entire nervous system. It kept adding on and he realised he couldn’t account for all the emotions running through him. His 6th sense was nudging him, almost taking him by the nose and forcing him to lead the way. Automatically, Tom began to follow the man as discretely as possible with two dogs whining to get closer to the stranger.

“Slow down guys,” Tom said to the dogs knowing they neared his home. He should probably just go back up in his flat and let the guy continue on his way, but this was the closest he’d gotten to a person that could be Bill, and he couldn’t let him out of his sight. 

All of a sudden, the guy crossed the street and to Tom’s shock, he went and put in the key to the door in a building practically across from Tom’s. Staring keenly, Tom used the small windows to provide him the visuals as he watched the guy go up the staircase. Around the 3rd floor, Tom saw him stop and let himself into the apartment on the left-hand side. Quickly, Tom crossed the street, too and went to look at the name on the buzzer.

“K. J. Alois and D. Richter,” Tom read aloud and frowned. He simply couldn’t understand this. Honestly, he’d expected to find B. Kaulitz on that nametag. Stepping back a bit, Tom looked up at the building. The lights had been lit in the living room and Tom returned to his own flat, quickly. He would have a perfect view from his own place, as long as ‘Bill’ didn’t draw the curtains.

As soon as Tom got back inside, he stepped closer to the window and looked towards the building from across. Finding the one with Bill’s clone wasn’t that hard and Tom watched the man doing listless things, looking into a few books and eventually leave the room after shutting the lights off. Tom wondered what he was doing now and he couldn’t really see that well.

“I need binoculars.” Tom looked at one of the dogs and smiled. “Better go buy me some.” He hadn’t really any idea where to go shopping for them at first, but it turned out there was an optician down the road, and they had binoculars for sale. Hurrying back to make use of them to spy on the guy, Tom didn’t see that the object of his obsession had gone back to the street, too.

“Oh, hi!... again!”

Tom stopped and he closed his eyes for a moment before he rested his gaze on the man.

“Where are your dogs?” the guy asked with a sweet smile.

Tom gasped in shock. Those were Bill’s teeth. No doubt about it. And the way he cocked his head looking interested at Tom, left him hardly able to articulate anything. “W-what’s your name?”

“Oh?” The guy laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Um, Dieter. My name is Dieter Richter.”

“It’s not Bill?” Tom asked.

“Nooo. I’m pretty sure it’s not. So where are your dogs?”

“At home. I... had to run an errand,” Tom said, pointing in the general direction of the optician, which meant nothing to Dieter really.

“I see. I like dogs and yours were really sweet.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you liked them,” Tom said softly. “How long have you lived here? I live across from here and I never saw you.”

Dieter laughed and Tom felt goose bumps rise everywhere. It was Bill’s laughter. _Bill. Bill. Bill._

“A few months. I’m not sure. I’m a bit ditzy. Keep forgetting things. Long story, don’t ask.”

“I don’t mind...” Tom began.

“That’s sweet of you, but it’s a really boring story.”

“I’m Tom,” Tom said and stuck out his hand.

“Hi.”

“Tom Kaulitz,” he added, looking intensely for a reaction, but there was nothing. Dieter just nodded with a blinding smile.

“Nice to meet you. If you need someone to take your dogs for a walk, you know, I don’t mind. I just sit around most of the day anyway.”

“No job?”

“I used to, I just...” Dieter waved with his hands in a fluttering dismissive way that was just so Bill.

Tom looked eager for him to continue, but Dieter just shrugged. “Never mind.”

“You’re living with someone?”

“Yeah... but just until I can figure out how to move out and find something for myself. He’s so bossy and I can’t stand it for much longer.”

“He’s bossy?” Well, Tom could imagine how that was a problem to someone with _Bill’s_ temper. “Where would you live if you moved out?”

“I’m not sure. I’m uh...” Dieter broke off his sentence again and looked at a loss to construct his words. “Keep forgetting stuff.”

“Look, I’d really appreciate getting help with the dogs.” _Because I’m so fucking busy sitting on my arse all day reminiscing..._ “I live across from you.”

“Kaulitz?”

“Yeah. Kaulitz.”

“You know you have a really familiar face. Have I seen you before? It would be a great help if I had.”

Tom was so tempted to tell him that all he had to do was look in the mirror, and he’d find his answer there. Instead, he said, “You look familiar, too. But I don’t know any Dieter Richter.”

“A shame. I don’t know a Tom Kaulitz either,” Dieter smiled and reached out and touched Tom’s arm. “I’ll come by tomorrow if that is okay?”

“Yeah. My dogs seemed to like you.”

“I sensed that, too. They are sweet. Would eight o’clock be all right?”

“Yeah...”

“Bye, Tom.”

“Bye... Bill,” Tom murmured seeing his almost neighbour walk away, briskly.

Returning to his flat, Tom sat down on the couch in the living room and let his thoughts break out into a mild panic. He couldn’t share this with anyone yet. It was too soon. Maybe he wasn’t even sure yet if Dieter in fact was Bill. He needed more proof. “The fucking tattoos...” Tom got up and almost felt like running down to the street to track down the guy and rip off his clothes to search for tattoos. Maybe he could be discreet when Dieter came to take the dogs for a walk and have a look at his neck or maybe his arm. Feeling much better already, Tom just had to wait, but having waited so long already, it felt like agony to wait another day to find out if he had his twin back or not.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“You weren’t there when I got back, Dieter.”

“So you noticed? I told you I’d be back, didn’t I?”

“And you are... I just thought you’d be back sooner.”

“I cleansed my mind and I’m not pissed anymore.”

“Come to bed.”

“No. I’m not in the mood.”

“I am. Dieter, come on? You said you weren’t pissed anymore.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“You never feel like it anymore.”

“I never felt like it, period.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Why don’t we have any pets?”

“We agreed on...”

“Forget it. _We_ always means _you_.”

“Come to bed.”

“Stop dragging me!”

“I’ll make you feel good.”

“You never make me feel good.”

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I want my fucking memory back! And... and I want dinner. I’m hungry.”

“I made Königsberger Klopse... with rice pudding for dessert.”

“Fuck... I can’t resist those. You’re trying to black mail me.”

“And?”

“And... and I guess I’ll... you know.”

“Come to bed, Dieter. You can eat afterwards.”

“Crap...”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

The next day, Tom shot out of his bed. Looking wildly at the clock, he saw it was only 6:32AM. “Bill never wakes up early.” Anyway, he felt he had to get ready. Dieter might be an early riser, and Tom needed to make sure that everything was perfect. Half an hour later, he was completely stressed out from cleaning his place and sat almost hyperventilating on the couch. Turning on the TV, he needed some kind of noise to distract him from freaking out completely. The dogs lay blissed out next to him and occasionally, they whined wanting to be let out, and Tom knew he had to take them for a walk soon. But finally, the buzzer sounded loudly from the hall and Tom got up and hurried to answer.

“Yeah?”

“Tom?” A voice exactly like Bill’s sounded, and Tom felt a lump appear in his throat instantly.

“Yeah...” he responded softly. “Come on up.”

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and Tom opened slowly, checking Dieter out. He wore a long-sleeved sweater and Tom itched to ask him to let him see his left arm.

“Come inside. The dogs are really ready to go.”

“You’re busy?”

Tom smiled. “Not really.”

“Oh. Maybe I’m butting in?”

“No-no. If you’d like, we could walk all of us.”

“So I’m walking the dogs... _and_ you?”

Tom burst into laughter. Dieter joined him and they stood laughing for a while. Tom felt so much lighter, happier, and he saw Dieter had even squeezed out tears from laughing so heartily. “I think I needed that!” Tom grinned.

“Why? You’re not happy at the moment?”

“Nah... I,” Tom stopped. He’d almost told Dieter that he recently lost his brother, and he didn’t want to start their relationship by revealing that kind of heavy baggage right away. “I’m just in between stuff.” He grabbed the leashes.

“Yeah, me, too.” Dieter got down on one knee and cuddled the German shorthair. “So it’s great to meet you guys. I’ve been sitting on my arse for so long, doing nothing.”

Tom pulled out a cigarette as he locked the door. Reaching out the package almost reflexively, he offered Dieter one.

“Thanks, but I don’t smoke.”

“Y-you don’t?”

“No. I don’t think so. I might have.” Dieter shrugged and secured a leash on one of the dogs. Tom took care of the other. Stepping out of the flat, he locked the door.

“I smoke too much.”

“It’s probably not good for you,” Dieter said, observantly.

“I used to be a vegetarian,” Tom offered.

Dieter laughed. “Did it go out of fashion?”

“Something like it. My... I live alone, and it’s easier to stick with it when you have someone to keep you on your toes.”

“Same with working out.”

“You work out?” Tom asked astonished. They reached the street level and the dogs yapped ecstatically, eager to explore the world.

“No. I couldn’t be bothered by it. My... my roommate works out. He’s so bossy,” Dieter sighed.

“What’s wrong with you?” Tom asked. He could sense Dieter was not really concentrating.

“I have this temporary thing going on and it makes me forget stuff. I can’t really function normally, so mostly I stay inside and wait until my roommate comes home or...” Dieter made that little shrug that worried Tom.

“Uhu... So when will you be okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“You haven’t been to a doctor?” Tom asked. It was a pretty personal question considering they didn’t really know each other, but he hoped he could get as much information about him as possible.

“Nah... It’s been so long now, I can’t be bothered.”

“You haven’t been to a doctor?” Tom repeated.

“No... it’s that... my roommate...”

“Your roommate?”

“He’s been really great and trying to help me, but if I’m...”

“He sounds like an arse, Dieter.”

Dieter smiled a little and nodded. “Yeah – he’s an arse sometimes, but he...”

“He takes up quite a lot of space in your anger department, doesn’t he?” Tom asked.

Dieter stopped to let his dog sniff a street lamp, marking it, and then they continued after Tom’s had done the same.

“How far do we go?”

Tom pointed to the next block. “Just around that one and then home. Usually, we go to the park.”

“Oh! We should go there tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow?” Tom asked, amused.

“If that’s okay?”

“Of course. I’d like that.”

They continued in silence until Dieter burst out, “I’m trying to get my own place.”

“I remember you said that yesterday.”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t remember what I’ve said to whom.”

“You never go out so you only speak to your... roommate?”

Dieter nodded with a determination set on his jaw and Tom ached seeing it.

“Can I see your neck?” he suddenly asked.

Dieter’s eyes became shifty. “Why would you want to?”

“I-I just...”

“Sure you can see my neck.” Dieter pulled down the sweater but Tom wanted to see the back of it and, getting brave, he stepped closer and lifted Dieter’s hair to have a nervous peak at the tender hollow at the back of his neck.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“I’m home!”

“You were out?”

“I said so when I left. You must have fallen back to sleep. Man, I was having a nice time. I met this guy...”

“What? What?”

“Hey! You know I hate when you do that!”

“Who was it?”

“Just some guy!”

“What did he want?”

“Nothing. But he has some sweet dogs and ...”

“Dogs? You want some fucking dogs? We’ll get some fucking dogs. Just stay away from that guy! Come here...”

“I’m going out. You’re acting bossy and I can’t stand it.”

“Okay...okay... I won’t then.”

“Won’t what? You’ve said we couldn’t have animals and suddenly we can?”

“You piss me off Dieter!”

“No, you piss _me_ off!”

“Dieter... don’t walk out of that door...”

“Or what?”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing! I’m just having fun with some dogs. I’m getting crazy doing nothing up here.”

“Okay... that’s okay.”

“I don’t need your permission.”

“I pay the rent.”

“And I let you fuck me, how’s that for a contribution? You don’t exactly pay me for it.”

“Must be love then.”

“You wish...”

“You don’t love me? Dieter?”

“Sometimes I get these glimpses... I think they’re from my... from before but I’m not sure. Anyway, I think I need to go to the doctor. The guy said it was a good idea.”

“You talked about your amnesia with him?”

“Not in so many words, but he got the idea that I should have been to the doctor.”

“Did you tell him you had amnesia?”

“Why? Shouldn’t I tell him?”

“Where did you meet him?”

“In the street!”

“See? That’s what happens when you wander around alone.”

“I’m 25 years old. It should be perfectly normal to walk on the street and talk to strangers.”

“But you’re not normal, are you? You could get hurt.”

“He didn’t hurt me.”

“What did he do?”

“Back off. I can talk to you from here just fine.”

“Okay... you’re pissed. I get that.”

“He wanted to see my neck. I have no idea why but he kind of freaked out and I...”

“W-what?”

“He wanted to look at my ne...”

“I fucking got that!”

“What? Why are _you_ freaking out, too?”

“N-nothing, Dieter. It means nothing.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“There’s no need for...”

“The fuck there is! This is something big! Someone actually wants to check out something I have no idea what it is, but he seemed to know it was there. He freaks out. YOU freak out, and you tell me it’s nothing!?” 

“Dieter, come back!”

“No, I wanna see what the fuck is wrong with my neck! And don’t fucking follow me to the bathroom!”

“Dieter! Come back!”

“Fuck you!”

“Open then goddamn door!”

“NO! You don’t want me to get my memory back. I get that now.”

“I’m breaking down the door.”

“You fuck!”

“Dieter!”

“There is something TATTOOED on my fucking neck and you say it’s NOTHING?”

“I-I...”

“Did you even know?”

“You have lots of shit tattooed on your body...”

“But I never told you what it meant, right?”

“Right!”

“Wrong arsehole! That’s just your standard response every time there is a clue.”

“But...”

“I’m leaving.”

“No you don’t!”

“Huh? ...you hit me.”

“I told you to stay put.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“You let me fuck you like one.”

“A bitch?”

“Whatever. Where would you go? You don’t know anybody.”

“That’s... my business.”

“Dieter. You can’t just...”

“But I am.”

“I love you.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“And what about your stuff?”

“I don’t care. I don’t recognise any of it anyway.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Georg?”

“Tom?”

“Can you get here? I’m freaking out,” Tom murmured into the telephone.

“What’s going on?” Georg sounded both amused and apprehensive. 

“I-I found him. I fucking found him!” Tom sobbed.

“Tom...” Georg tried to calm him down. “You find him all the time.”

“No, Georg. He’s in the building across for me. He’s got the mole, the fucking tattoo on his neck, and he acts so weird. He looks like him, sounds like him... I’m...”

“Tom. There are imposters getting a kick out of these things. I’ve seen them on the net. On the web pages. They live places and they are visual and...”

“STOP!”

Georg stopped, holding his breath.

“It’s him. Will you get here and fucking grant me this? Then you can dismiss him if he’s an imposter, but it’s him.”

“Does he claim he’s Bill?”

“No. He doesn’t. He doesn’t know who I am. I tell you. There’s something going on. He should have been in the hospital, but he’s here. And...”

“He’s with you?”

“No, no, no. He’s in his flat across from me, I can fucking see him arguing with his depraved roommate, so something is going on. We walked the dogs. I freaked out when I saw the tattoo.”

“Bill walked the dogs? You’re not making any sense, Tom!”

“Come quickly.”

“Why are you whispering? This isn’t a conspirac...”

“Georg?!”

“Okay! I’ll come right away.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Georg?” Tom asked breathlessly into his door phone seconds after he heard the buzz.

“No, it’s Dieter.”

“What? Oh, but that’s great! Come up.” Tom couldn’t believe his luck.

“Great? Oh, okay.”

Tom opened the door immediately and listened to Dieter’s footsteps as he gradually walked the steps towards his landing. 

“Knock-knock,” the tall young man said, jokingly, as he touched Tom’s chest with his knuckle.

“Come in,” Tom said, his body trembling as he watched his guest slowly entering the door and walk down the hall looking around curiously.

“I was wondering,” Dieter said and turned. He took a step back when he found Tom practically standing in his personal space.

“Wondering what?”

“If I could lend your couch?”

Tom gaped.

“I’m so sorry, Tom. It’s just that we had a little fight, and I-I don’t have anywhere else to stay. I don’t have money for a hotel...”

“Of course you can. I have a guest room. You don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

“Wow...” Dieter let out a nervous laughter. “Wow... thanks.”

“You can stay as long as you want. I’m...” Tom stopped. He sounded like a creep.

“Okay.” Dieter smiled and Tom noted a little flirt to his eyes. Bill always flirted. It was part of his personality and Tom missed it so much. 

“Who’s Georg?” Dieter suddenly asked.

Tom swallowed looking shocked. “Georg?”

“You called me Georg when I rang you door.”

“Oh!” Tom grinned embarrassed. He thought for a second there had been some kind of recognition. Then the doorbell did ring, and Tom excused himself and went to answer it.

“It’s me. Georg.”

“Come on up. He’s here.”

“Who is?”

“Bill. Dieter. The guy. He’s here.”

“Calm down, Tom. Let me in!”

“Fuck.” Tom pushed the knob and waited nervously, wanting Georg to hurry the fuck up and wanting to go back to the living room to see what Dieter was doing. Not able to stand the tension any more, he went back to the living room and found Dieter walking around looking at Tom’s things curiously.

“Hi...”

“Hi,” Dieter said with a small smile. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Tom said.

“Oh, hi!” Dieter greeted looking behind Tom. 

Georg stopped in his tracks and his mouth stood agape as he watched a Bill reincarnation pet one of the dogs that lay on the couch dozing.

“What the...?”

“Georg?” Dieter said and cocked his head.

“Bill?” Georg responded, a smile spreading on his handsome face.

Tom stood looking at them in turn, his thumbnail positioned between his teeth.

Georg quickly darted a look at Tom.

“No. I’m Dieter.”

“But you...”

“Tom thought I was you when I rang his door.”

“Dieter?” Georg asked and reached out his hand to greet Tom’s guest properly.

“Yeah. Nice to meet you. I live from across the street. Or rather I did. But I thought it was best to make some other sleeping arrangements. My roommate was so bossy and...” Dieter babbled on.

Tom watched how Dieter talked Georg’s ears off, and his former band mate looked increasingly frustrated, confused, and his eyes kept darting towards Tom’s full of questions. 

“...and then Tom freaked out when he saw my neck,” Dieter said out of the blue. Tom and Georg quickly exchanged a knowing look.

“Did he?” Georg answered.

“Yeah. And my roommate freaked out, too.”

“Did he?” both Tom and Georg said, looking even more knowingly at each other.

“I looked, too, and I had NO idea I had this thing there.”

“Why not?” Georg asked stepping a little closer to Dieter.

“I have amnesia,” Dieter said with a big smile.

Tom sucked in breath. Georg nodded and smiled at Dieter. “Can I see that thing on your neck?”

“Sure,” Dieter obliged and lifted his blond hair to let Georg examine him.

Georg looked alarmed at Tom when he saw the band logo tattoo there.

“And your arm?”

Dieter smiled, but they could tell he looked unsure now. “M-my arm?”

“Yeah. Do you have more marks?”

“I have some old burns if that’s what you mean?”

“I mean... tattoos.”

“Who are you really?” Dieter asked, looking a little trapped.

“The question is who are you, Dieter?” Tom said softly, still biting his thumb.

“I’m not sure. I’ve lived with my roommate for a while and I haven’t really been able to find out much,” Dieter laughed insecurely.

“For how long, Dieter? How long have you had amnesia?” Georg asked.

“Maybe a few months?”

“How many?”

Dieter groaned and sat down. “I have difficulty remembering. I keep forgetting,” he smiled embarrassed.

“Half a year?” Georg suggested.

Looking up Dieter nodded slowly. “That might be plausible. I think my roommate found me during summer. I was lost... somewhere. It was dark and he found me. I lost my shoes and he helped me to go back home. It was really a mess. I was coming out to my family that day, he said, and I was going to live with him and he was out looking for me.”

Tom and Georg were shocked.

“You were found by your roommate?” Tom asked.

“Well... my boyfriend I suppose, but I never really fell back in love with him.”

“Huh?” Tom gasped. “What?”

Dieter looked away and got up. “I can’t remember him. I tried to remember him but it never ‘clicked’, you know?” He turned to look at Tom and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“You look so different with blond hair,” Georg mumbled.

“You should have seen my hair when he found me. All black and a complete mess!” Dieter laughed goofily.

“Oh, my god!” Tom almost felt like throwing up.

“He just...” Dieter made a twitchy motion with his shoulders and hands. “ _Cut_ it off. And it grew out blond!”

“Your roommate cut your hair off?” Tom asked, feeling anger well up inside.

Dieter nodded already looking preoccupied.

“Can I see your arm, Dieter?” Georg asked gently.

Dieter looked like he wasn’t sure if he’d like that, but then suddenly, he smoothed up the right sleeve of his sweater.

Georg nodded. “Cute. I want to see the other arm, too.”

Sucking in his lips, Dieter watched Georg through his long lashes, clearly struggling about his request. “Why? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Well, duh!” Tom cried out, whipping his arms in the air. “For someone so fucking smart that was almost...”

“You don’t have to patronise me, you know!” Dieter interrupted.

“Snow him your fucking Freiheit tattoo, Bill!” Tom screamed at him, his patience running out.

“TOM!” Georg warned him.

Dieter looked at Tom and stuttered, “H-how did you know?”

“Huh!” Tom swallowed. “Lucky guess?” he said, looking wildly at Georg.

“Show, me. Please,” Georg asked. Dieter quickly smoothed his sleeve up and showed them what could pass for a decent version of the Freiheit89 tattoo.

“A-and your flank. The left side?” Tom asked.

“You know me?” Dieter concluded, giving them a hard nervous look. “These are not coincidental questions.” He pointed suspiciously at Georg. “You’re a doctor or something? Some fortune-teller?”

“Have you been brainwashed over there?” Tom asked nearing the distressed man.

“He wasn’t very forthcoming in helping me remembering anything. I’ve mostly been having migraines and been really depressed,” Dieter said.

“That’s enough, Tom,” Georg said. “He’s freaking out.”

“But yeah, I know exactly who you are,” Tom pushed on, ignoring Georg. “You’re Bill Kaulitz. You’re my fucking twin!”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“You okay?” Georg asked Bill, but he didn’t respond.

The blond still sat where he’d practically fallen down on the couch completely overwhelmed. Tom huddled in a chair across from him and the twins stared each other down.

“We should get him into hospital, if he was never admitted,” Georg said, worried about both twins.

“What happened to you?” Tom asked in a pained wheeze.

“Fuck off,” was the only reply Bill had delivered the last twenty minutes.

“How did you get out of the fucking car? It blew up!” Tom asked, exasperatedly.

“Fuck you,” Bill hissed and got up.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Which room is mine?” Bill demanded to know, his voice coming from the hall. Tom got up from the chair and went to pinpoint his room.

“Here. And it’s not a guest room. It’s your room.”

Bill looked at him with another hard stare before he entered the room and shut the door as hard as possible.

Tom stood clenching his fists agitatedly. The dogs came out and yelped in front of Bill’s room. The door opened once and, as soon as the dogs were let in, the door slammed shut again. Tom’s body jerked by the sound and he felt drained as adrenaline coursed through his body.

“Come. You’re shaking. Sit down,” Georg’s voice sounded by Tom’s ear.

A hitched inhale escaped Tom as he let himself be let back into the living room.

“At least we know he’s alive,” Georg murmured.

“Gods, Georg!” Tom covered his face with his hands.

Trying to cope with his own feelings, for a while, Georg sat holding his younger friend, who grew heavier by the minute. Bill was alive, and Tom had been right all along, but it would have been too fantastic to take Tom’s words for face value. Everybody else was convinced that Bill couldn’t have escaped that car. Then a terrifying thought struck him. What if Bill had wanted it that way? What if he had wanted to get away and never come back? Maybe the amnesia was just a convenient act to start from scratch? A slight noise made Georg look up from petting a sleeping Tom.

“How is he?” Bill asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“Exhausted. He’s been hoping for six months that you’d show up some day and so he’s basically collapsed now that he’s found you,” Georg said, quietly.

“He saw me yesterday... He didn’t say anything then.”

Georg nodded. “He didn’t dare hoping. He’s seen too many people mistaking them for being you.”

“You’re a good friend.”

“You’re a little bitch,” Georg answered.

Bill smiled and then put a hand on his forehead. “I’m confused. That’s mostly what I am.”

“What’s in your room?”

“I have no idea. Lots of stuff. This guy...” he waved his hand indecisively, “must have owned a ton of junk. I have no idea what to do with all this crap.”

“You’re addicted to all that crap, Bill,” Georg joked.

“My name is Dieter.”

“Why?” Georg frowned.

“Well, my roommate...”

“...is full of shit. You’re Bill Kaulitz and don’t you forget it.” Bill shut his mouth a few seconds not really looking like he was buying it. Well, Georg couldn’t really blame him.

“I got this tiny flash. I think I was standing in front of a lot of people, and they were screaming at me,” Bill said.

“That’s probably very true,” Georg agreed carefully.

“But I liked it. So it must have been a good experience?” Bill asked.

Georg slid away from Tom’s sleeping body and made sure he was safely put on the couch. Getting up, Georg went to stand next to Bill.

“Want a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Tom always has good coffee,” Georg grinned and together they went to the kitchen.

Looking around, Bill instantly approved of the kitchen and turned to watch Georg make himself at home.

“You come here a lot?” he asked, leaning against the counter.

“Yeah. My girlfriend and I are very close friends of... well Tom, but we’re friends of you, too.”

“I...” Bill stopped and sighed. “I get so confused all the time. I can’t really remember much, but it’s a constant problem. Not just from... before.”

“You have the memory of an elephant and forget nothing, Bill.”

“Di... fuck it,” Bill looked away and smeared a sudden tear away from his eye.

“You need to go to the hospital and have a scan, Bill.” Georg reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

“I wanted to. But I never really got around to it. My...” He stopped. 

“That roommate of yours obviously didn’t want you to remember anything. He wanted to keep making you think you were this Dieter person.”

“I’ve been so tired. Actually, ever since he found me straying on the road.”

“Do you know what happened to you?”

“I remember absolutely nothing. I was so off for a very long time and I couldn’t remember anything. He cut my hair off. He took care of my feet. I remember that mostly because it felt nice that he looked after me.”

“He wanted to disguise you. Appease you. You always dye your hair black, Bill, but with amnesia you wouldn’t have a clue.”

“Well, I can’t really imagine myself with black hair,” Bill laughed.

“We announced you for dead,” Georg suddenly burst out.

“What?” Bill dropped his jaw. “You what?”

“After a while, you were declared dead. Tom wouldn’t let go. He refused for as long as possible. He kept feeling your twin bond, he said.”

Bill was shocked by hearing that - that was obvious.

“I’m so ashamed I didn’t believe him,” Georg said and nodded to emphasize that.

“Apology accepted,” a voice was heard behind them. They turned and saw Tom leaning against the door frame.

“Tom...” Georg said.

“Why don’t we go see our doctor, Bill?” Tom asked. “You were in an accident and maybe something can be done to make you remember?”

“I was in an accident?” Bill asked. It was as if he’d not really paid attention prior.

“Your car blew up on the autobahn. Burned out completely and there was nothing left of you.”

Bill’s brows frowned and he looked like he experienced the information with such empathy as if he might actually hurt. Tom felt it too, and he gasped. “It’s okay, Bill. You’re okay.”

Bill nodded and shook the feeling away visibly. “Go on,” he asked keenly.

“There were no traces, nothing to indicate that you had escaped the car, so you were reported missing.” Tom felt tears well up. Old wounds ripped open as he experienced the sorrow anew, he had to get close and he took the steps towards Bill and gathered his twin in his arms.

Looking lost, Bill sought eye contact with Georg who just smiled. Putting his arms around Tom’s neck, Bill hugged back, his mind in chaos. “You’re sure that was me?”

“ _Wir hören nie auf zu schreien,_ ” Tom said.

“ _Wir kehren... zum Ursprung... zurück..._ ” Bill finished, astonished.

Tom grabbed Bill’s left side firmer and smoothed his hand up and down to indicate that he knew those words were inked permanently under the fabric. “Why don’t you and I go back to when everything stopped and start from the beginning, okay?”

“Tom,” Bill said, writhing uncomfortably. The Labrador mix pushed its nose into the back of Bill’s knees and he slipped out of Tom’s arms and bent down to rub its head affectionately. “Maybe I should go back to the room. Come with me, please?” Not waiting for an answer, Bill left the kitchen with Tom in tow.

Georg smiled. If he hadn’t known better, this was the way the twins had always been with each other. He was quite confident that everything would return to normal. Hopefully, very soon. Quietly, he let himself out of the flat and went back home.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“This is all my stuff?” Bill let his long fingers flutter above the many items neatly placed everywhere in his room. Tom smiled and nodded. “This is mine, too?” Bill grinned incredulous while looking at the ridiculous amount of make up that he found in the beauty box on the dresser.

Tom nodded, feeling so happy inside. So emotional. “Everything is yours, Bill.”

“You got all this just for me?” Bill twirled and went in a complete different direction. He opened another box and found stuff Tom wasn’t even sure what was. “Wow!” Bill closed the lid. “And this?”

Tom snorted. “Yeah, that, too. What is it?” He neared Bill, and his brother beamed at him and pulled out a handful of necklaces. 

“For sure not this?” Bill’s eyes shone. There were a few more jewellery boxes containing more of Bill’s bling. Rings, bangles, necklaces, belt buckles. Bill tried on so many, perplexed that everything fit like a glove. 

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it?” Bill’s smile was so wide and he seemed practically high. “I love it! I can’t believe you got me all this! Most have cost a fortune!”

“I’d give you the world...” Tom said, knowing that deep down inside, Bill didn’t really believe they were brothers. And to be honest, had he been Bill, he’d have found it too good to be true, as well.

“Have you seen the clothes?” Tom asked.

“Clothes?”

“Jackets, shirts, pants, shoes, boots. You have a pretty cool wardrobe.”

“Where?” Bill looked around curiously.

“In the closet back there.” Tom turned and pointed to the other end of the room where a large closet with mirrors as doors decorated the entire wall.

“Wow. I missed that totally.”

Tom smiled and watched Bill open all the doors and start going through the racks. His enthusiasm began to wear down, and after a few minutes Bill stopped and turned around. 

“I’m tired, Tom,” he said and smiled.

“You’re all right?”

“No...” Bill did look tired now, and Tom could tell he had a head ache.

“You need something?”

“My room mate... he always gave me something for the headache and I slept it off and I’d be okay again.”

“You have a head ache often?”

“I have a head ache all the time.”

“You can develop a head ache by taking pain killers for it. It’s a never ending circle.”

Bill looked at Tom. “How would you know?”

“I used to take too many pain killers for a head ache until we found out that the painkillers were in fact the ones giving me the head ache in the first place. When I stopped using them, the head ache eventually went away.”

“I’ve taken a lot of pills for a long time.”

“Did you ever get a prescription from a doctor?”

“No. I never saw a doctor.”

“Fuck, Bill...” Tom croaked. “Whatever did he do to keep you there?”

“He... um...” Bill looked away and shrugged.

“Bill?” Tom asked and stepped closer.

Bill put out a hand to stop him, but he did make eye contact. “It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t...”

“We’re going to see the doctor right now.”

Tom went out of the room and into his own closet, finding coats for the both of them. 

“Um... Tom?” Bill called from the hallway.

Tom joined him quickly. “Yeah?”

“I think the dogs have something to tell you.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“You can come back in, Tom,” the doctor told Tom, who’d been sitting anxiously in the waiting room. They’d been allowed to come by right away when Tom called him. Once there, Bill hadn’t wanted Tom in with him – that was never a problem – and he’d insisted that his name was Dieter Richter, even though their doctor had gotten quite a shock seeing his former patient returning to life.

“Hi, Tom,” Bill greeted him, timidly. “I want to go home now.”

“Is everything okay?” Tom asked, not trusting Bill’s version of how everything went once they were back home.

“He needs a head scan,” the doctor said.

Tom nodded and grabbed whatever papers and prescriptions he was handed. “Thank you.”

“You’ll get a letter from the hospital when to show up and I’ll make arrangements for a discreet handling of Bill. He also needs therapy. You’re welcome to, too.”

“Thank you. I’ll look everything over,” Tom said again, picking up Bill’s stuff.

“Bill’s not been harmed physically, but he’s been drugged repeatedly with medicaments that has pretty much dulled him instead of helping him getting his memory back. You should rapport this roommate Bill was found by. This is basically kidnapping you’re facing.”

“Oh, I will...” Tom muttered, looking at Bill who pretended not to follow the conversation but looked out of the window. “But he wasn’t harmed.”

“Not from what I was able to examine, no,” the doctor said, knowing what Tom was hinting at.

“Thank you again,” Tom said and pulled Bill along by the elbow. Bill allowed it and hardly looked at the doctor when they walked towards the door.

“You’re welcome,” the doctor finally said, before the twins hurried out of the clinic.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“He poked me in the bum, Tom!” Bill said pulling at his short blond hair.

“He needed to find out if you were molested.”

“He could just have asked!”

“He needed proof, Bill,” Tom replied. “Did he molest you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Bill dismissed the conversation and went to his room. It looked like a tornado had gone through the room. Bill had everything hauled out of their confinements and rifled through everything dividing it in endless heaps and piles for discarding or keeping. It was driving Bill nuts but Tom said nothing. He imagined it was a kind of therapy for him. Bill had even begun saying he recognised certain items. But then again, he wasn’t sure if it was because he actually remembered or if it was because he’d seen it before they left for the doctor.

Tom feared that Bill was shutting up because the guy had in fact molested him.

“I’m happy you’re here, Bill,” Tom said by the door.

“Hmm,” Bill grunted, as he struggled with an armful of jackets. “I can’t believe I wore these clothes.”

“You thought they were cool earlier.”

Bill stopped and dropped the clothes on the floor. “Maybe,” he said after a few moments.

“Want to see some pictures?” Tom offered, innocently.

“The doctor said I shouldn’t push myself.”

“It’s been half a year...”

“To me, it could have been yesterday, Tom.”

“Fine. I just meant to confirm that you actually wore this. That it is totally you.” Tom looked at the clothes Bill was wearing. It was a neutral marine t-shirt, washed grey jeans, and plain tennis shoes. 

Looking very much in doubt, Bill agreed though, and trotted after Tom into the living room. Tom booted his laptop and Bill sat down next to him at dining table. Curious his twin followed the opening of several folders containing a ton of pictures.

“This is a folder with a mix of pictures. I didn’t take all of them but you can probably see the style just from these...” Tom clicked and went through each picture in the folder.

“That’s me?” Bill asked, and pointed to a picture of himself from an interview during their Asia promotion trip last year. “Wow. What a hairdo.”

“Yeah, that’s you.” Tom smiled and looked at Bill.

“It’s all black!”

“Yeah. You’ve dyed it black since you were about eleven-twelve.”

“You look different, too!” Bill laughed and looked at Tom. “The tiny black braids and now all those little dreads are back. The blond is growing back like mine.”

“I didn’t care about my hair after you disappeared, Bill.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You dyed it black for me, by the way,” Tom grinned, feeling a little happier again. “I had those small braids and cornrows, yes. Now I just twirl my hair to dreads again.”

Bill giggled and pushed Tom’s hand away. “Be serious!” Then he waved in general at the screen. “Why is everything so _extravagant?_ There’s something you’re not telling me, Tom.”

“The fame...”

“Fame?” Bill laughed. “It’s been ages ago since I had one of these in my hands.”

Tom straightened and looked at Bill pointing at the lap. “You didn’t have access to a computer all this time?”

“No. A waste of time.”

“I’m sure _he_ said that,” Tom narrowed his eyes. “You might have discovered something interesting to trigger your memory!”

Bill sighed. “Yeah.”

“So even though you had tons of time, and nothing to do but nurse those head aches, computers were a waste of time?” Tom fluffed his hair and due to the old habit, he finger felted some strands.

“Can we stop concluding that? It’s getting old, Tom. Your point was driven home the first time,” Bill said, his eyes glued to the screen.

“Okay. But yeah, we were famous. Still am, I guess, but your disappearance made a huge impact on everything and the fans were shocked. We were literally thrown off orbit all of us.”

“Because of little old me?” Bill cooed.

Tom caressed Bill’s cheek and his brother flushed prettily, but also shied away. “Sorry. I really need to touch you. It’s still a kick in the teeth that I finally found you.”

“I was announced dead, wasn’t I?” Bill straightened, too. “Oh, my god! I’m dead, Tom!”

“We’ll make sure you’re resurrected,” Tom smiled.

“What about... Do we have parents? Someone should know!”

“You’re ready for that?” Tom asked. “You didn’t want to push yourself.”

Bill nodded slowly and looked at Tom. “Who knows? This might trigger something.”

“Did the pictures trigger anything?” Tom asked, hopefully.

“Not a thing. But I look awesome.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Bill... maybe you should practise some more?” Tom asked, seeing Bill trying to put on make up.

“It looks wrong. What am I doing wrong, Tom?” Bill asked.

Tom could hear that tone he would be able to recognise in his sleep. This was _his_ fault. Tom was so happy he could squeal. Being granted some space on the stool in front of the dresser, Tom turned Bill’s face and reached out.

“Don’t touch my face,” Bill said automatically.

But Tom touched his face nevertheless and trustfully, Bill closed his eyes with a sigh. With his little finger, Tom smoothed out some of the make-up, smudged other parts and eventually his twin looked pretty much like himself and the transformation made his stomach convulse with intense emotions.

“Are you ready now?” Tom asked with a choke.

“I’m not sure. Do I look like I’m supposed to?” Bill asked and stared concentrated into Tom’s bright eyes.

“Basically, just the hair colour and the hair cut are different.”

“Good,” Bill said and began to push the chair. “Get up, Tom.”

Tom stood up and waited for Bill.

“Call them.” Bill looked determined at Tom and he felt nerves flutter inside himself now.

“Okay. But it’s going to be a shock, Bill.”

“They deserve to know.”

“Of course! That’s not what I meant. Of course they must know. I’d never keep them from you.”

“What are their names again?” Bill asked.

“Simone and Jörg. And our step dad is Gordon.”

“Right... Could you write it down?”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“I-I can’t stand it,” Bill whined stressed out. He went and sat on the couch and wringed his hands. “You sure they’ll recognise me looking like this?”

“They’re our parents! They’ll recognise you right away like I did. And I recognised you without all the make up on,” Tom said. Their mama and dad had been sceptical at first, even refusing to rekindle hope on another of Tom’s whims. Only when Tom said that Georg had met Bill and could vouch for him, did Simone scold Tom for keeping him away from them for so long. Tom had been a little exasperated by it, but at least, they were on their way now.

“When will they be here?” Bill asked.

“Soon. Mama lives in Hamburg, and dad in Leipzig so it’ll take some time to get here.”

“One and a half hour from Hamburg to Berlin by car. Two hours from Leipzig,” Bill mumbled.

“You knew that?” Tom asked.

Bill looked up and then he frowned. “Yeah... strange.”

“Very strange,” Tom added.

“When did they leave?”

“Right away I think. So... not entirely one and a half hour until they arrive,” Tom said, conversationally and went to sit next to him.

“I think I’d like one of your cigarettes, Tom,” Bill said.

Tom grabbed for the package in his pocket, suddenly dying for a smoke himself. Quickly, he lit Bill’s smoke.

“This has been the oddest day,” Bill said and inhaled. As soon as the smoke entered his system, he visibly relaxed. Not a single cough erupted and Tom was impressed.

“It sure has.”

“I never dreamed that this morning would end and begin my life somehow.”

“I never stopped dreaming this would happen,” Tom said.

Bill turned his head and regarded Tom. “I left _him,_ I found _you,_ the doctor visit earlier, mama and dad coming...”

“Hardly gives you anything to do tomorrow,” Tom smirked.

“Oh, I’m going to try on my clothes. My cool outfits!” Bill gushed.

“All day?”

“Well, pulling everything out and then putting it back in will make me see everything so I know what I have!”

“Sounds like fun,” Tom grinned, loving Bill’s enthusiasm.

“Tell me how famous we are.” Bill cuddled a little closer and Tom ate it up and put an arm around Bill’s shoulder.

“Uh... pretty much,” Tom said, vaguely.

“In Germany?”

“In every western country in the world... more or less.”

“You’re kidding,” Bill laughed. “I wonder what we sound like...”

“I’m not kidding...” Tom began, but Bill had already lost interest. “Actually, we made a few records, Bill.”

“What?” Bill’s eyebrows disappeared behind his fringe. 

“I told you we were famous.”

“Well, find the CD, Tom!” Bill got up and tried to pull Tom along.

Tom scratched his neck. “I’ll see if I have it.”

“What do you mean, ‘if you have it’?”

“I’m not sure I have a copy here.”

Bill looked confused and sat down. “I’m nervous, Tom. How much time do we have? Should I change?”

“Relax, Bill.”

“I can’t, I think I have withdrawal symptoms...”

“From what?”

“Whatever my pusher gave me,” Bill replied, bitingly.

Tom sat down again. “You could take a little nap? Are you tired?”

“I just want them to come already,” Bill said. “The tension is killing me.”

“Sing something?”

Bill looked at him as if he was asked to conjure something magical out of thin air. “Sing?”

“You were the singer, Bill.”

“Right,” Bill laughed as he sat down again and leaned into Tom’s shoulder. “You sing.”

Softly, Tom began humming the refrain to ‘Durch den Monsun’. Bill closed his eyes and sought lower, putting his head in Tom’s lap and wrapping an arm around his twin’s knee.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

The door finally rang, and Tom managed to get up without disturbing Bill and buzzed his mother and stepdad into the building. Opening the door, he waited patiently for them to arrive.

When they got there, he gaped. “You brought the dogs?”

“We had thunder. We couldn’t leave them to be scared to death, Tom!” Simone explained, thrusting bags and boxes of food into Tom’s hands.

“Oh, of course not. Hello, darlings,” Tom cooed at the little dachshunds who yapped happily at seeing Tom again. The bigger dogs came rushing to greet them all, making Tom hurrying everybody back inside the flat to diminish the noise on the stairs. 

“So where is he?” Simone whispered, as Tom grateful put the food away. He hadn’t even thought about shopping for several days. Gordon stood calmly behind her and looked at Tom.

“In the living room. He fell asleep,” Tom explained with a dachshund on his arm, and went to the hall keeping an eye on the other dogs as his parents stepped into the living room.

“Oh my god,” Simone gasped at seeing Bill on the couch. Gordon let out a pained sound as well, and Tom felt tears flood from his eyes, immediately.

“Oh, God. Oh, God,” Simone repeated to try to calm her voice, as she neared her sleeping child.

Tom watched from the door, the dog in his arms trying to lick the wetness off his cheek. Simone knelt by the couch as she examined Bill’s features with motherly scrutiny. “It’s really him,” she whispered, hoarsely.

“Yeah,” Tom confirmed, his voice trembling. 

“How did you find him?” Gordon asked.

“We bumped into each other on the street,” Tom said. “I followed him and found out that he’s been living right across from me the whole time. That’s how ridiculously easy it was.”

“Is he happy to be back? What happened? Where was he?”

“He can’t remember a fucking thing,” Tom said. “He’s got amnesia.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Bill slowly opened his eyes by the sound of voices. Looking shyly at the people gathered, he blinked sleepily. “Tom?”

“I’m right here,” Tom emerged from the gathered people of two sets of parents. Simone and Gordon, and Jörg with his girlfriend. Everybody got on their feet from their position around the dining table where Tom had filled them in with all the details he knew from the last two days. Gordon and Jörg had already been across the street to get their hands on Bill’s so-called roommate, but even though someone else let them inside the building, the guy didn’t respond when they knocked on the door. Retrieving Bill’s key from Tom’s flat, eventually gave them access, but the guy had already left the premises in what looked like in a hurry. They reported their discoveries to the police right away and were promised discretion in handling the matter. Bill Kaulitz was no longer missing, but maybe someone else was, because they found a disturbing amount of real papers belonging to a person named Dieter Richter, four years older than Bill.

Tom sat down next to his twin and Bill looked exhausted from his sleep. Looking up, he noticed the gathered people looking expectantly at him, but he had no idea who they were.

“Bill, sweetheart,” one of the women said, giving him a small wave.

Bill stiffened, but nodded. “Hi...”

“I’m your mother.”

“That’s mama,” Tom supplied. Bill nudged him.

Simone knelt in front of him. “How are you feeling, Billy?”

“Not so good,” Bill said in a small voice.

One of the small dogs happily shuffled over and got on its hind legs.

Looking down, Bill smiled. “Motte! Where did you come from?” Immediately, the little dog jumped up into Bill’s arms.

Tom looked at him with huge eyes. Everybody did. “You remember Motte’s name?”

“Well, yes...” Bill looked puzzled for a few moments and it was obvious that his mind was working on something. Everybody kept quiet and watched Bill intensely until he slowly let his eyes wander over everybody present.

“What is it?” he asked, suspiciously.

“You remembered something, Bill!” Jörg explained.

Looking at the note on the coffee table, Bill assumed this was his father speaking. He resembled him in some way. “Yeah, dad. I remember the dog.”

“Do you remember _me?_ ” Simone asked, already embarrassed.

“No, I’m sorry, mama,” Bill said. Bringing his attention back to little Motte, Bill smiled luxuriously and cuddled the little dog. “I missed you, Motte. I wasn’t allowed dogs by my roommate,” he informed the oblivious animal.

Simone’s shoulders slumped. 

“Don’t worry, mama,” Tom said and got up. “He can’t concentrate very well. It’s part of the drugs he was getting.”

“Will he be getting a detox?”

“No. Just stop taking them should be enough, the doctor said.”

“You sure?”

“I’m not a doctor, mama,” Tom shrugged.

“Right, you’re right. And the hospital will contact you for a scan?”

“I’m in the roooom,” Bill sing-songed to his dog.

Gordon snickered and coughed quickly, not wanting to sound rude towards his stepson.

Bill sent him a knowing smile. “I remember your face, you know,” he informed Gordon.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“This was a terrific idea,” Jörg said to his oldest son. A few hours had passed by now. The visit did everybody good.

“I’ll never be able to express what it means to me that Bill’s back, so I have a reason to gather you all because of it,” Tom replied.

Only a handful of vague memories came forth for Bill that evening, but the basic memories he still couldn’t remember. Especially those concerning his former self were still locked tightly away in his mind. 

“It just blows me away that I was the singer in a successful band,” Bill marvelled for the twentieth time that evening. He was clearly psyched up being gathered by the real people that meant everything in his pre amnesic life. He didn’t get any closer to more revelations than small random jolts of film coming and going, but he wasn’t able to describe what he saw. Only the glimpse with the crowd in front of him when he was on stage stood out. However, he couldn’t associate that with him standing on the stage performing for fans - knowing that they screamed their out hearts for him. 

“They don’t really love you. More like the image of who they think you are,” Tom explained.

Bill looked keenly at himself goofing around back stage in clips from an old live DVD. “Gods, my hair is so strange. And what is that thing in my mouth?”

Tom chuckled and their parents couldn’t help laughing, too. This was so good for all of them to re-bond even if Bill was oblivious to everything. 

“You used to have a tongue stud, Bill.”

“I can’t remember wearing it. I did wonder what the hole in my tongue was there for. That and the eyebrow piercing. I wear it in every scene.”

Sighing, Bill seemed to deflate a little and moved closer to Tom, putting his head on his twin’s shoulder. Tom looked at his mother who smiled with a soft look in her eyes. Bill closed his eyes and seconds later, his arms went around Tom’s torso.

“I can’t believe all of this bores him,” Jörg grunted.

“He even went and took off the make-up,” Tom said stroking Bill’s head.

“I’m in the room,” Bill mumbled.

“You’re asleep, Billy,” Simone said and got up. “Maybe it’s our cue to go back. You want us to take the dogs back home?” she asked.

Tom shook his head. “No no. They triggered something good, so it would not be wise to remove that element. It’s been done too much to him already.”

“I hope you’ll get better as soon as possible, sweetheart.”

“We will. I hope we can get to the hospital very soon so the process of Bill getting his memory back won’t be delayed more than necessarily,” Tom said.

Shortly after, there were only Bill and Tom left in the flat. Tom pulled his tired brother along to his room, but Bill followed Tom into his own room and confused, Tom watched him begin to take his clothes off.

“Bill? You need to sleep in your own room.”

“Can’t I sleep here?” Bill asked rubbing his thin arms.

Tom halted, then shrugged. “If it makes you feel...”

“It does,” Bill interrupted, nodding. “Much better.” He wringed his hands self-consciously and then he apologised. “I’ll just go back to my room.”

“No, Bill. I wasn’t...”

“It’s okay... I’m just dragging whatever habits along, and I shouldn’t thrust them at you like this. Of course, I can sleep in my own room. With my own things.” He laughed but it didn’t sound genuine.

He shuffled out again leaving Tom confused and stressed. A few moments went by after the door was shut on the other side of the hall. Tom went to stand in his open door, looking at Bill’s closed one. The lights went off. Tom bit his lip; his heart was aching, longing. He didn’t like not being able to see his twin. What if Bill was gone in the morning?

“Bill?” Tom called out anxiously.

“Go to sleep, Tom,” he heard Bill’s muffled voice.

Tom’s breath hitched and he swallowed thickly. Undressing without much thought, he kept standing there, negotiating. Then he made a decision and crossed the hallway knocking softly on Bill’s door.

“Come in, Tom,” Bill responded after a few moments. Tom stepped inside and went to him. Bill lifted his duvet and wordlessly, Tom slipped under. Tom felt his heart rate rise several levels when Bill wound his naked body around his. 

“Bill?” he gasped, inching away.

“What?” Bill asked in a purring voice that Tom recognised all too well but in a different context. “Isn’t that what you wanted? Why you came?”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Bill’s soft pouty lips began working on Tom’s gauged earlobe and he inched further away. “Bill...”

“Tom,” Bill mimicked.

“Stop it, Bill. Wake up.”

Bill only pressed closer and his hand went searching across Tom’s abs. His motions were slower and less sure.

“Why are you doing this?” Tom asked, putting his hand on top of Bill’s.

“I-I can’t pay you rent, Tom,” Bill said.

“What the fuck? You live here, Bill!”

“That’s what he said, too...”

“What!?” Tom almost shouted as he sat up and pushed the duvet away. Reaching over, he turned on the small bedside lamp. Staring incredulously at his twin, he was met with huge nervous brown eyes. “He forced you to have sex with him for RENT?”

Bill’s breath came in little puffs and Tom quickly ran his hand over Bill’s blond shag. “He... _insisted_... I-I mean...” Bill bit his lip in frustration. “He wanted us to...” Giving up he just huffed and shook his head. “I can’t concentrate, Tom. I can’t... _think!_ ” He shook his head some more and turned away.

Tom could just throw up at hearing this. Looking down at Bill’s small body left visible when Tom had pushed away the duvet, and he had to stifle a sob. Bill’s beautiful tattoo down his side was still there; still so sharp in relief like he remembered it, and Tom put his palm on Bill’s waist to cup the ink. Immediately, Bill turned towards him and clung to Tom.

“I don’t feel so well.”

“What’s wrong?” Tom asked quietly.

“Head ache.”

“I can’t give you anything for it.”

“I know,” Bill said. “Still, it’s... you know... Uncomfortable.” Lifting one eyebrow, Bill tried to convey something.

“What is it, Bill?” Tom asked, still fighting rage against Bill’s former roommate, his _kidnapper_. 

“I wasn’t trying to...” Bill locked eyes with Tom, and Tom could sense something in there. He wasn’t sure how to put it, but Bill struggled to formulate his sentence. “He didn’t think it was that necessary for me to get my memory back. I’m not doing anything to contribute with anything.”

“So you paid with sex?”

“Um... not in the beginning...”

“Okay, so he made you ‘see the light’, and you had a place to stay?”

“We were... well, he _said_ we were boyfriends, so I suppose it was...”

“Not fucking ‘all right’ ever!” Tom interrupted, anger rising like bile all over again.

Bill jerked a little by Tom’s emotional outburst. “You’re disappointed in me.”

“No. Not with you, Bill. You always make me proud. But that rapist of a roommate tricked you into believing everything he said, took advantage of your fear and helplessness.” _Turned you into his personal whore!_

Bill sniffed and nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’m weak.”

“Rubbish. You’re the strongest and most stubborn guy I’ve ever met. You’re my twin and you’re going to remember everything again because I need you to. We were so strong together and I’ve never felt so weak myself ever since I lost you.”

“You don’t understand...” Bill looked up towards the ceiling. “I didn’t like him and despised what he made me do with him... But I really like you, Tom.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Tom lay on his back, arms crossed on his chest. Bill was deep asleep next to him. It was long past into AM in the morning, but Tom couldn’t sleep. The last forty-eight hours had felt as long as the previous six months. Again, Bill had given up trying to explain something that seemed really important to him. Somewhere in the periphery, Tom knew exactly what Bill was trying to convey, but he refused to understand it because it wasn’t going to happen. Bill was confused. Bill was very, very confused and some arsehole had taken something of Bill’s he could never get back: His fucking virginity. The choice of when and with whom he wanted to have sex with for the first time. Tom was so angry that he was ready to track down the guy, cut off his junk, and feed it to him repeatedly until he choked on it.

Bill had propositioned himself to Tom. There was no other word for it. If Tom would accept to have sex with Bill, Bill thought he was going to be _allowed_ to stay with Tom. It had been impossible for Tom to make his twin understand that he already lived here, because that’s what the arsehole had told him, too. Bill wasn’t able to distinguish between the two situations; he was just desperate to know if he had a place to stay and for how long because he couldn’t take care of himself.

The worst part of it all was... Tom put a wrist across his forehead and glanced at Bill’s naked back. Bill couldn’t associate himself with being Tom’s twin. He couldn’t see himself mirrored in his twin. They were not two halves of one in Bill’s eyes. To him, Tom was a good-looking guy that was now his roommate. Tom sighed. This was the uncoolest thing. His brother thought that he was gay. Tom knew for a fact that Bill wasn’t, and Tom wasn’t gay himself. Bill had had zero sexual experiences with girls since the age of sixteen. Then this fucker waltzes in from the sideline and forces his sexuality on Bill, who had no chance to defend himself except for desperation and a very thin thread to hang on to.

Tom took a deep breath and looked at Bill again. Rolling to his side, he spooned his brother and put his arm around him. Bending his knees, he tugged them under Bill’s bent ones. It wasn’t an awkward position. They’d slept like this before, however under more platonic circumstances. From deep within his dream, Bill murmured Tom’s name and Tom gasped, hugging his baby brother closer. Bill’s hand found his with sleepy fumbling motions and it brought Tom on the verge of weeping with joy. That had to be Bill’s subconscious motions. Not the Bill with amnesia. Somewhere buried in Bill’s memory bank, he remembered Tom.

Finally, rest came to the exhausted older twin and, with the hope that there was actually hope, he drifted off.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

The dogs roused the twins in the morning. Tom was so drowsy having hardly slept, and Bill complained about being awaken and tried to bury deeper under the warm covers. “Wanna sleep just a few more minutes, Tom.”

“You can sleep for as long as you want, Bill,” Tom replied, affectionately brushing his brother’s hair out of his eyes. Bill smiled and went back to sleep with that happy expression on his lips.

Tom grinned and left Bill’s bedroom. Quietly, he fussed about in the bathroom, then dressed, and took the dogs for their walk. He’d been neglecting them lately, but he couldn’t contain their needs, too, while going through the emotions he experienced with Bill coming back into his life. Ideally, it would have been best if his mum had taken the dogs with her home, but if the dogs were a part of what triggered Bill’s memory, Tom wanted all of them here in the flat. Bill telling them that he remembered their stepdad Gordon didn’t lead specifically towards more memory glimpses, but it had made Bill feel more accomplished in his fumbling about in an ‘empty’ memory bank.

When Tom came back, he darted a look to the building across the street. Slowly, he crossed to have a look at the door. Bill’s fake name still figured there with the other guy’s. Tom fought against his emotions and he pushed the buzzer. Having waited a few minutes, he resigned, deciding that the guy had split the scene. Criminals always knew when the ground was burning under them. Besides, Bill said he had told the arsehole he’d met Tom. Perhaps the guy had already smelled the chances of getting caught closing in when he received that bit of information. 

Tom went back home. Locking himself inside the flat, he saw that the mail had already been delivered. As soon as the dog leashes had come off, the dogs went searching for Bill, but Tom had made sure his brother’s door was closed before they left. As if the dogs sensed to let his twin in peace, after their initial disappointment they shuffled past Bill’s door and made themselves comfortable in Tom’s bed instead with the little dogs who hadn’t been bothered to be walked this morning. Tom would take them later. Squatting, Tom slowly reached out for the letters. There was one in particular that had caught his interest. It was from the hospital. Amazed, Tom couldn’t help wonder how fast some things did work for certain kinds of people, where as others would have had to wait longer for a letter like this. 

Bringing the little bunch of mail along to the kitchen, Tom put them on the desk. The letter in question was addressed to Bill, so he had no business opening it. Putting water in the MoccaMaster, Tom busied himself preparing breakfast for the both of them. He was filled with insane joy that Bill was back in his life. It felt so good that he couldn’t resist the urge to take a look at Bill, just to make sure he was actually there. Gently pressing down the door handle, Tom peeked inside. 

Just a tuft of dirty blond hair was all that was barely visible of his twin, as he lay buried under the fluffy duvet. Tom nodded and smiled relieved. Lingering for another minute just rejoicing the fact Bill was alive, Tom then went back to the brewing coffee machine. His phone lay close by and Tom glanced at it to see if there was something interesting to respond to. He had twenty-four messages and missed calls...

How that had happened he had no idea, but he suspected Georg hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut and now ‘everybody’ knew. Well, it had to happen sooner or later. He went on the Net immediately to visit his usual websites, but Tom quickly discovered that nothing had been leaked yet. So, the news was still kept within the Tokio Hotel Family. The calls could wait a few hours yet, because if Tom began responding to the messages, he’d have to make arrangements with the management and his twin wasn’t ready to be Bill Kaulitz, yet. His baby brother might officially be back in society, but he was still so far away from the real world. Tom went and took a shower.

The coffee was ready when he returned to the kitchen. Tom poured the contents into a thermos and from there into a cup. The little dogs came out into the kitchen, affectionately wanting to have their walk now. Looking longingly at his cup of coffee, Tom grabbed the leashes and took them for their walk. Admittedly, he didn’t spend too much time on giving them time to explore the neighbourhood because he itched to get back to Bill. When they’d done their business, he returned homewards, promising them a longer trip later in the park. Bill would probably like to join them.

Returning to the flat, Tom sensed something had changed and nearing the kitchen, he saw Bill standing drinking his coffee, while reading the letter from the hospital.

“Morning, Bill,” Tom said.

Bill locked eyes with him over the rim of the cup, and Tom felt something in his heart grow.

“Morning. Tom.” Bill responded.

“Slept well?” Tom asked.

“Not enough,” Bill shrugged. “This is...” he waved the letter. “I’m scared, Tom.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Tom said and smiled supportively. “But I’ll go with you.”

“Thanks. You don’t have to, you know. I’ll just...”

“Rubbish. We do everything together. That’s how we do things. We’re Bill and Tom.”

Bill nodded slowly, and rolled his eyes.

Tom swallowed. “We do, Bill. There’s nothing we do separately. We never did. We’re twins.”

“I just wish that I remembered all this. I feel so left out, Tom,” Bill looked at him and took a sip of coffee. “Thanks for the coffee by the way,” he smiled and pointed to the cup with the other hand.

“How’s the head ache?” Tom asked and went to get a fresh cup for himself.

“Not so good... I think that’s what woke me up,” Bill said and looked a little worn out now that Tom paid attention.

“You’re tired?”

“When am I not? I can’t remember a time when I was not tired.” Bill shrugged. “You can even get used to it.”

“You’re usually so full of energy and...”

“Anyway, they want me in today. 10am,” Bill interrupted. “They’ve even resurrected my economy identification number!”

“So soon?” Tom asked, amazed.

“I’m a celebrity,” Bill said jokingly. “Maybe they thought I’d give the hospital some charity that I could deduct.”

Tom smiled. If Bill returned home from the hospital with his memory back, Tom would make sure to give the hospital a donation they’d never forget. That was probably thanks to their doctor that Bill was a citizen of Germany once more already. It would make a lot of things easier.

“I figured I just have to go with the flow. Start living from now and stop worrying about what I can’t remember. What do I usually do?” Bill asked.

“Work,” Tom said and smiled. “Writing lyric ideas for future songs.”

“Oh,” Bill smiled. “What words?”

“To our songs, Bill. For Tokio Hotel. You write the lyrics and I write the music.” _I’ve already told you this many times, Bill!_ , Tom thought, but he had to be patient with him. His brother was sometimes a Zombie like this in the morning.

“But I have no words,” Bill said and frowned.

“I’ll get one of your notebooks.”

“I have a notebook?” Bill followed Tom, coffee and letter still in his hands.

“Somewhere. Now you messed everything up, so...”

“Maybe they’re in the ‘throw away’ pile?”

“Are you nuts?” Tom shrieked.

“What?” Bill asked. “I didn’t know they were important!”

“You can’t just throw away your notebooks! Actually, you’re not throwing anything away until I say so.”

Bill shrugged. “Is there time for a quick nap before we go?”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Bill Kaulitz?” the nurse asked.

Bill and Tom got up slowly. A cat scan and several other interesting examinations later, the twins had sat in more private accommodations the last twenty minutes, waiting for an interview and a temporary explanation of the results.

Tom took Bill’s wrist and dragged him along, following the nurse to meet the doctor who was in charge.

“Hello again, Mr Kaulitz,” the doctor said, looking up from behind his desk.

“Hello,” the twins replied in unison and sat down, Bill fumbling for Tom’s hand, only to let go again right away.

"Well," the doctor said, looking at two monitors. Bill craned his long neck to have a look, too, but then he just looked out of the window.

"The scans show us that you had a severe concussion a while back, Mr Kaulitz. So that has probably caused you some headaches. The information your doctor sent us, tells us that you've not been mistreated in any way and..."

"I remember," Bill interrupted. “I was there when he po..."

“Bill!” Tom hissed.

"But in general you don't remember much?" The doctor looked calmly at Bill who was showing childish stubbornness.  
¬  
"In general, doctor, I don't remember a thing. Who is this?" Bill asked and turned his head to look at Tom.

Tom gasped, but a second later, Bill winked at him. "That wasn't funny!" Tom said upset.

"Oh, come on, Tom," Bill crossed his arms over his chest and looked directly at the doctor, who actually wrote down some notes.

"So, is there anything you remember from before the accident?" the doctor asked.

"Shouldn't that be a question for the police?" Bill asked sending Tom a dirty look.

"Bill..." Tom groaned. "Give the man a break and let him ask his questions."

"Okay. Ask," Bill said, focusing his gaze back on the doctor. 

"You haven't spoken to the police yet?"

Bill just kept looking at the man, so Tom explained, "It's been quite tumultuous getting Bill back and also it's taken a while to figure out if he was in fact exposed to a crime. But now we're certain that he was. The person who kept Bill in his flat is now reported to the police, but he's disappeared."

"Will the police be questioning you, Mr Kaulitz?"

"Hm?" Bill asked. Obviously, he had already zoned out.

"No," Tom replied for him. "Not yet anyway. It's a little complicated, apparently, since Bill was officially dead up until yesterday."

"Now I'm alive again. Wickedly resurrected," Bill said, dryly.

Tom rolled his eyes and motioned for the doctor to continue.

"Mr. Kaulitz," the doctor said, looking straight at Bill. "I don't think you've lost your memory at all. I think you're faking it."

Bill literally dropped his jaw. "What??!!" he exclaimed so outraged that Tom winced at the decibel close to his ear.

"I think you're deliberately trying to not regain your memory."

Bill moved to the edge of his seat. "That’s a contradiction, doctor. I _can't_ remember anything!”

"I know," the doctor said, "but you're not really trying."

"I was drugged for six months! I had no choice to remember even if I wanted to."

"But you didn't really fight this guy."

"You sure you're not the police?" Tom asked. "You're acting like an arrogant shrink."

"TOM!" Bill exclaimed this time, sounding scandalized but also a little thrilled.

"Well he is!" Tom pointed to the man who sat calmly watching the twins interact.

"Tom, he's just like the teachers from school that we taught a lesson when they were violating our... student rights." Bill put a hand over his mouth and turned his head first towards the doctor and then towards Tom.

"Excuse me?" Tom asked looking at Bill. "Where did that memory suddenly come from?"

"I don't know! I swear!” Bill cried out.

"We didn't do well with authority, Bill. We still don't," Tom agreed with him.

"Maybe that’s why I don’t like you," Bill looked at the unimpressed doctor who hadn't moved a muscle. "This is a trick, question, right?"

"No," the doctor said. "What else do you remember?”

"Nothing! What’s the matter with you? I don’t remember anything!" Bill shouted, got up, and agitatedly grabbed his jacket.

"Bill! Stop it!" Tom told him and pulled his baby brother back to sit down.

"You're having a distinct selective amnesia, Mr Kaulitz. You only want to remember the things you can handle and the rest is locked away. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you. However..." he pointed at Bill when the younger twin was ready with his next dramatic outburst. "I'm recommending you to have a séance with a hypnotist. Maybe you can get past whatever it is that's holding you back. There's nothing physically wrong with you that should keep you from getting your memory back and, after half a year, even with the concussion, you should have had your memory back by now.''

"And the head aches?" Tom asked, his expression very troubled after these revelations.

"Again, it's nothing physical." The doctor looked directly at Bill, addressing him, forcing him to acknowledge the information he was giving him. "But maybe it's actually caused by you subconsciously opposing against whatever it is you won’t allow yourself to remember, Mr Kaulitz. After that, you’ll need therapy to come to terms with the experiences you do remember after the accident. I think what you went through after the accident is probably so stressful that you don't want to remember even if you could."

"Before the amnesia?"

"Before and the happenings afterwards didn't help, either. You were..." The doctor stopped and cast a quick glance at Tom.

"Raped," Tom said. "My brother was raped by that guy." 

"Tom..." Bill thumped Tom in the shoulder.

"That's what he did, Bill!" Tom exclaimed.

"I don't think I want..."

"Biiiill,” Tom drew out his name in annoyance by his lack of cooperation. “You need a lot of therapy. You're in denial and you're so confused about what's right and wrong after spending so much time with a guy who wanted to control everything. You're a control freak by nature yourself, so..."

Bill just pulled off his beanie and fluffed his blond bangs pretending he wasn’t listening to Tom. "I'm going home, Tom. You coming?" But he was still sitting in the chair.

"Go home," the doctor agreed. "If you want me to help you get in contact with a hypnotist, I..."

"No!"

"Yes!"

The doctor smiled and gave Tom the address. "Call her."

Bill got up and, with an angry huff, he stalked out of the doctor's office. Tom put the business card in his coat and went after Bill.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

All the way home, they quarrelled like old times. Bill didn’t want to visit the hypnotist, and Tom insisted that they did. He was starting to doubt Bill’s amnesia and cursed the doctor for seeming so convinced that Bill was hiding something from him... well everything, apparently.

“I’m telling you, Tom. Nothing has changed. I don’t remember a thing!”

“Maybe you just don’t want to return to living the way you did,” Tom suggested.

“Hello!!!” Bill waved his hands energetically as he turned in the car seat. “I was trapped in that claustrophobic crummy flat for half a year!”

“Yeah...” Tom nodded, grimly. “I haven’t forgotten. Fuck, I hate this,” Tom said, and punched the wheel, accidentally hitting the horn, too. Bill jumped in his seat, and glared at Tom, who shrugged sheepishly.

“Sorry,” Tom muttered.

Bill looked miffed to say the least, but Tom wasn’t letting himself getting affected by it. Bill was good at it, but then again so was Tom. They were merciless towards each other because they knew each other like they knew themselves. All part of being a twin; there were no emotions to hide. Still, Tom thought that his baby brother had slipped back into that role far too fast considering that two days ago, he’d acted like a perfect stranger towards him. However, last night Bill hadn’t acted like his brother...

Tom stopped that train of thought and concentrated on the traffic instead. Getting Bill involved in another accident would be almost comical.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Safely back at home, Bill entered the flat cautiously and went to his room. Tom sighed and let the front door slip shut gradually. Casting a look towards Bill’s room, he wondered what was going to happen now. Putting his coat on the coat rack, he picked up his phone and glanced. Still, too many missed calls and messages. He decided that he had to take action at some point, and responded to the first call. Waiting for Gustav to answer, Tom went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

“Hmmm... Get off the damn phone,” Tom growled when the line was busy. Shaking his head, he dialled David instead. 

“David Jost speaking.”

“It’s me, Tom,” Tom said.

“Finally, Tom! What’s this I hear from Georg?”

“What did Georg tell you?” Tom asked with a little smile.

“Is he...?”

“Yeah, he is,” Tom acknowledged. The shout of joy that followed completely awed Tom and tears sprung to his eyes.

“I was so happy when Georg told me but then you never responded to my calls so I was out on a limb here, Tom. This is fantastic news!”

“How many have you told this to?”

“No one, Tom. Not a soul.”

“I have so many messages and calls...”

“Well, I don’t know how many Georg has told this to, but I haven’t said anything. I didn’t even dare calling your parents in case it wasn’t true. That would have been heartless.”

“You’re a great guy, David. But listen. Bill is not ready. He didn’t even know who I was until yesterday, and he’s still adjusting to the fact that we’re twins. But I feel it might not be long until something dawns on him and it all comes back at the same time.”

“Just that Bill’s found is all that matters, Tom. The record company will have to wait until we have a band to present. I know you’d probably like to wait, but I need to tell Universal that the band situation has changed. It’s a matter of insurance. Lots of money waiting for your twin... with interests.”

“Yeah. I know. Sounds good, but the other stuff I don’t like the thought of that.”

“Tom. Nothing is going to happen to Bill. They have to go through us if they want to contact a person who is not officially connected to the label anymore. The band was on hiatus anyway, so nothing has changed except that Bill is back with us.”

Tom smiled. “That’s just what I needed to hear. You’re ace, David. That’s why we love you.”

“Are you crying, Tom?” David teased.

“Maybe... a little,” Tom said. 

“Hang in there, Kaulitz. You’re so fucking tough, and I’m so proud of you that you never gave up hoping.”

“Gotta go,” Tom quickly said and disconnected. Taking the time to breathe deeply, he got his emotions under control. Checking the rest of callers, he tried Gustav again, impatiently.

“Finally!” Tom exclaimed when the call was picked up in the other end.

“Right. Like you’ve tried to call me the last many days!” Gustav scolded dryly.

“Sorry. So many things happened at the same time and I’ve been through a lot of stress.”

“That’s all right. Georg told me what happened. Thank god, he’s returned. It’s beyond surreal. How is Bill?”

“Considering the circumstances, he’s doing well. Unstable, unusually confused and an annoying control freak.”

“So nothing’s changed except he can’t remember?” Gustav joked.

Tom snorted loudly, and then chuckled embarrassed. “Um... sort of. He’s strange. Very strange.”

“Taking about me again?” Tom heard a third voice pop in and, looking up, he saw Bill in the door.

Shrugging, Tom focused on the mocca droplets filling the coffee maker. “So are you doing anything interesting,” he asked Gustav.

After a few seconds of silence, Gustav suddenly laughed. “You’re dissing your twin? Who has amnesia? Poor ‘I’ve-lost-my-memory’ Bill?”

Tom grinned. “Nah. Not for real.”

“But you thought you could teach him a lesson after...what? Were you finally in the ZOO without anybody recognising you, and Bill wanted to ride the hippo?”

“What are you talking about? Try the hospital with the meanest doctor who said - and I quote – ‘You don’t really have amnesia, _Mr Kaulitz_. You just don’t want to remember anything, _Mr Kaulitz_!’ Pfft!” Tom snorted. “Like Bill deliberately didn’t want to remember the life style he couldn’t live without.”

Gustav coughed. “Is he in the room?”

“Yeah... a lot.” Tom positioned himself in the corner with his back turned out when Bill began to try to tower over him, standing on his tiptoes to eavesdrop.

“What is he saying, Tom?” Bill asked. “Is it Georg?”

“You’re not one of the dogs, Bill!” Tom complained. “Stop stepping in my heels. And no it’s not Georg.”

“Is it the other one?”

“I’m reduced to _the other one_?” Gustav asked.

Tom shook his head. “I’m getting dizzy, Bill. I’ll call you later, Gustav.”

“Can I talk to him?” Bill asked eagerly.

Tom gaped, but then he nodded and passed the phone to his brother. “Sure. Why not?”

“Hello?” Bill spoke into the receiving end with stars in his eyes, and Tom smiled, recognising the eager in his voice.

“Bill?”

“Yes? Who is this?” Bill replied.

Tom turned away and smiled brightly as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Watching Bill speaking animatedly to a man, he couldn’t remember was royally entertaining. The confusion had to be major on both parts, and Tom found himself almost wishing Benjamin were in the room filming it for a Tokio Hotel TV episode, so he could watch it again and laugh his arse off. 

“No, no. I have no hair spray. Would you like Tom to buy me some?... I did? Hundreds? Hahahahaha!” Bill cackled and went to the living room to drop backwards on the couch.

Tom shook his head and sipped carefully. Then he made a cup for Bill and went to join him. Sitting next to him, Tom flicked on the TV.

“Really?” Bill shot Tom a coy look and then he asked, “How many random girls’ phone numbers do you have?”

“Huh?” Tom asked and then he flushed. “Give me that!” He wrestled the phone from Bill and threatened, “I do not have random girl phone numbers in my address book anymore, Gustav.”

“Really? Don’t play innocent. You used to.”

Tom huffed. “Well, that became insignificant after a while. I stopped that already in two-thousand aaand...”

“Ten?”

“Nine, Gustav.”

Gustav laughed. “Well, if you believe that, Tom.”

Tom caught Bill’s face and his baby brother looked so intensely interested that Tom had to swallow. “Gotta go, Gus.” 

“What?” Bill asked.

“That’s my question. What?”

“You like girls?”

Tom frowned. “That’s pretty much the norm, Bill. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten that?”

“I’m not into girls,” Bill declared.

“You are, too.”

“How do you know?”

“That guy confused you. He forced this-this guy sex on you.”

Bill just looked at Tom and then at his short nails. “Man, did I really have long nails and use nail polish like _every_ day.”

“You’re avoiding the subject, Bill. I don’t think you’re as confused as you claim. I just think you’re avoiding conversations you can’t handle.”

“So you’re on the nasty doctor’s side now?” Bill accused him.

Abruptly, Tom put his coffee cup on the table and stood up. Bill got up, too, and followed him to the hall. Tom fumbled inside his coat and found the hypnotist’s card.

“No-no-no!” Bill objected and fought to grab Tom’s arm. The older twin wouldn’t have it and pushed Bill away.

“Give me that, Tom!”

“Why? Because you’re hiding something from me?”

Bill took a few breaths before he responded, tears threatening to spill. 

“I’m not giving in to those tears, Bill. Answer me.”

“I’m not hiding anything, Tom.”

“Then you have nothing to fear, have you?”

“I don’t...” Bill started.

Tom waited, hiding the card behind his back. “Good. What’s the problem then?”

Bill growled and threw his hands in the air. “Fine. No secrets. He’ll reveal nothing at all because I won’t cooperate. There is no way he’ll get me in a trance anyway.”

“Fine!” Tom said.

“Fine!” Bill repeated and went back to his room and smacked the door.

The dogs came running out of Tom’s room where they’d napped. Tom blinked. “Where have you been?” Usually, the dogs greeted them ecstatically, but they’d completely ignored the twins’ return today. Smiling, Tom found their leashes.

“Do you want to walk the dogs with me?” he addressed Bill’s door.

“No. That’s your job,” Bill responded from the other side.

Tom stood processing those words. Another memory coming back for Bill. “I just thought you’d like to join me.”

“Not today. I have a head ache.”

Tom believed that and decided to leave his twin alone. “I’m sorry I can’t give you anything for it.”

A few seconds passed by when Bill muttered a soft, “Thanks Tom.”


	2. Chapter 2

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“I can’t believe you actually called that _person_ ,” Bill complained when Tom got back from walking the dogs.

Tom smirked. “Well, we agreed that I could make the call.”

Bill looked miffed but Tom could tell he wasn’t going to argue about it because he had allowed it, eventually. Tom grinned a little. Bill was eating sliced bananas on thin shorn rye bread, licking his fingers, and being his usual gross self.

“What would you like me to cook for dinner later?”

Cocking his hip, Bill smiled and aimed for his mouth with his food. “Why don’t you heat up some of what mama brought?”

Tom smiled back. “What if I wanted to cook something for you from scratch?”

Bill’s smile softened and he finished chewing the morsel in his mouth. “You’d do that?”

“I’d do anything for you, Bill,” Tom said, “You’re the most important person in my life.”

Bill’s eyes looked awed. “Then I’d like you to surprise me.”

“Okay.”

“What did he say?” Bill asked, following Tom to his room.

“What did who say?”

“The hypnotist.”

“I didn’t talk to her. I talked to her secretary.”

“Oh.” Bill sat down, careful not to drop crumbs on Tom’s bedspread.

“Tomorrow.”

“Already?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled. “Like the hospital, it’s interesting how quickly appointments can be cleared for a celebrity. A _resurrected_ celebrity!” 

Bill smiled endearingly. “I like that.”

“That you’re a celebrity?”

“Yes! The concept seemed a little ridiculous at first, but now it’s fun.”

“Were you on the net while I was walking the dogs?” Tom’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Nooo... you said I wasn’t allowed to Google myself.” Bill looked positively innocent, but he always wrapped people around his little finger like that, only not Tom. Tom could tell immediately, that Bill had been snooping around on the net and he went to boot the laptop on a small desk by the window.

Bill went to stand next to him, looking at him. “What is it?”

Tom smirked and began fiddling with the tabs looking for proof that Bill had used the browser; however, the smirk dropped when in fact he found nothing to indicate that Bill had been on the net. Turning, he looked into Bill’s eyes. “Tell me you did not surf the net for information, Bill.”

Without hesitating Bill repeated, “I did not surf the net for information, Bill.”

Narrowing his eyes even more, Tom kept staring intensely, but Bill’s eyes didn’t even dilate. “Fuck...”

Bill’s eyebrows lifted and then he cocked his head. “Am I the most important person in the world?”

“To me, Bill. Not in general.”

“Oh,” Bill grinned. “I knew that.”

“You’re cute, but you don’t have to butter me. I’m your big brother.”

“You are?” Bill’s eyebrows shut upwards once more. “I mean. You are? Like you came out first?”

“We went through this yesterday with mama, didn’t we?”

“I don’t think so,” Bill smiled. “I assumed we were twins.”

“We are.”

“Then why does it matter who came out first?”

“Because...” Tom felt how the usual ‘who-came-out-first’ banter was just on the tip of his tongue, but it didn’t really matter anymore. What mattered was what he also admitted the few interviews where the journalist asking seemed genuinely interested. “The best gift I ever got was born ten minutes after me.”

Bill swallowed visibly and looked away. “I remember that.”

“You remember I said that?”

“I just said so, Tom. Uhhh!” Bill dragged out the word. “It’s so strange to remember things in different contexts and feeling like it’s relatively new, although I remember it from before...” Shaking his head, he shrugged.

“It’ll come back to you, Bill. Everything.”

“Yeah. So what about that secretary?”

“Tomorrow. She was more than willing to let us in very early.”

“Discretion. Expensive, I’m sure.”

“I don’t care what it costs, Bill. If it turns out that this can help you, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Do I have any celebrity money?” Bill asked.

Tom frowned. “I’m not sure where your money is, Bill. Mama and dad administered that. They were your heirs. But you have accumulated royalties. That’s... probably quite a lot because there was a boom in sales of our records and DVD’s after you went missing.”

“Okay. I see. I just wanted to help out.”

“Don’t worry, Bill. With our combined royalties, we earn enough money to pay a hypnotist for as many sessions as needed if it gets your memory back.”

“We?” 

“Yeah, Bill and Tom. We are a team, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Bill’s eyes beamed and then he embraced Tom.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Hello?” Tom answered the door phone, three dogs dancing around him eagerly.

“This is Officer Lohse. I’ve been trying to get in contact with you, but you never called back. Sorry about contacting you this late, but I’d like a word with Mr Bill Kaulitz.” 

Sucking in his lips, Tom buzzed the police officer inside the building. Looking towards the open living room door, he locked eyes with his twin, who sat eating a second helping of Spaghetti Bolognese. “It’s the police. They’d like a word.”

Wiping his mouth, Bill looked worried back at Tom.

“I’m sure it’s just routine.”

“What if they know something?”

“It’s time to talk to them, Bill. They gave you plenty of time to recover from the shock when dad and Gordon reported that guy.”

“Okay. You’re right.”

Shortly after, there was a knock on the door and the dogs yelped.

Bill clutched at his neck. “I’m nervous.”

Tom smiled encouragingly. Taking a look through the peephole to assure himself there was in fact an officer outside, Tom saw there were in fact two; the both of them holding up their police signs. Opening the door, he let them inside. “Hello,” he greeted them. “Tom Kaulitz.”

“Officer Lohse. Sorry to interrupt your evening, sir. My assistant...”

A woman reached out her hand and shook Tom’s outstretched one. “Zollinger.”

“I’ll just get the dogs out of the way,” Tom said, as the officers greeted Bill who stayed seated at the table.

“You don’t have to stay, Tom,” Bill told his twin.

“You sure?” Tom asked.

Bill nodded in half a shrug, clearly telling Tom how utterly unsure he was.

“Want me to stick around?”

“I’m not a child, Tom,” Bill hissed, and Tom had no other choice but to back off.

Tom quickly brought the dogs out of the living room and, closing the door after him, he gave the police a chance to talk to Bill in private. He really wanted to be there, too, and listen to Bill being questioned by the officers, but Bill had basically told him to let him handle this by himself. 

Going to his room, Tom picked up his guitar. Sitting by the desk, he strummed a few chords to an older song - one of the unfinished ones. Smiling, Tom remembered most of the lyrics Bill had composed for the song back then. It was going to be a great tune once they were done working the lacking details. Bill still hadn’t found the notebooks after he’d paraded about in his room trying on clothes all afternoon, but nothing had been thrown out after Tom had vetoed so eventually, the lyrics would come into view. Checking his wristwatch, Tom began being impatient. Quietly, he got up and skulked to the hall, pressing an ear to the closed kitchen door. However, all he heard was mumbled voices. 

“Fuck,” he murmured to himself and closed his eyes, trying to focus. That didn’t change the fact that no information slipped past the wooden barrier. Straightening his long body once more, Tom went into his room. Four dogs lifted their heads in unity smelling a nightly walk already coming up. Smiling at the furry darlings, Tom fetched their leashes and walked them all at once in the park.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

When Tom came back, he noticed that the police car was still parked close by. Sighing, he entered the building and shuffled after the dogs as they bolted up the stairs. It was late, but Tom couldn’t give a fuck about the noise. In his head, he realised that since this morning, he’d been toying with the idea of moving Bill and their dogs away from City and back into a nice fenced in house with a large back yard in the Suburbs; the way they used to live before the accident. Thinking about it consciously, the thought filled Tom with joy and, when he pushed his key in the keyhole, he decided that he was going to discuss it with Bill as soon as possible.

When he got inside, he noticed the officers and Bill standing in the hall.

“You done?” he asked, and the officers nodded.

“For now, yes. Thank you for your time so far, Mr Kaulitz,” Officer Lohse said to Bill, and gave Tom a parting nod. Zollinger just smiled and then they were gone. Slowly, Tom turned and looked questioningly at Bill. 

“What happened, Bill?” Tom asked as soon as they were alone.

Bill licked his lip. “They asked me a lot of questions about him. About the accident, but I told them I couldn't remember anything.”

“Bill,” Tom exclaimed, exasperatedly. “Didn’t you remember a single thing that could help them find the guy? What’s his name by the way?”

“Alois.”

“That’s his last name, Bill.”

“It is?” Bill asked, looking like he hadn’t had any idea.

“Yeah. The nametag on your old door says his name is K. J. Alois.”

“I told the police I lived there the whole time since he found me. He went to work daily and I just... existed basically.”

“What was his job?”

“Uuuh...” Bill looked in doubt for a moment, but then his eyes lit up in remembrance. “He was some kind of consultant and drove around visiting clients.”

Tom snorted. “Again. No trace. He didn’t lock you inside the flat when he was gone, did he?”

“No... I had a key, as you know, but I didn’t know the area, and I’m always tired and I might get sick...”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I forgot. I’m just still so mind boggled about how you’ve lived for so long.” Tom pulled Bill into a comforting hug.

“Want me to nuke your dinner warm, Tom?” Bill asked him.

“That would be nice.” Bill slipped out of his arms and Tom smiled at his retreating back and took the leashes off the dogs.

Moving into the kitchen, Tom watched Bill heat up his cold dinner. “Are you upset?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. I felt uneasy talking about my roommate, for sure. I mean. He did something criminal and I had no idea. I just endured him being an arsehole.”

“I hate that guy so much I won’t be satisfied until he’s behind bars so I can visit him and split his face open,” Tom said with a passion.

Bill smiled brightly. “Thanks, Tom. But you don’t have to go to jail for me. He’s not worth it.”

Tom smiled. “All right. Did you tell them about your hypnotist appointment?”

“No. Should I have? I didn’t want to go in the first place.”

Tom shrugged. “Perhaps they would think it was meddling with police work to talk with her.”

“I assume she’ll only be asking me about my past and not what I already remember?”

“I don’t know, Bill. I guess we’ll just play it by the book.”

Nodding, Bill smiled archly. “It’s kind of exciting. Talking to the police.”

“No, it’s not, Bill. What else did you tell them?” Tom asked. His dinner gave a loud ding, and Bill pulled out the plate and served it where Tom had sat earlier.

“They tried to ask me about the accident, but I can’t remember anything else but him driving up next to me and telling me to get into his car.”

“He found you on the autobahn just like that?”

“Apparently.”

“Weird,” Tom said and put his head in his hand and thought it over for a few moments. Then he began eating his dinner. “So you’ve escaped the accident, and being blown up of your fucking car and miraculously, this Alois shows up and offers you a ride in his car?”

“Correct.”

“Did you tell them that?” Tom asked, forking a meatball.

“Uhu,” Bill nodded. “Twice.”

“What did they say to that?”

“Why don’t you call them if you want the interview line by line?”

“Bill...” Tom sighed. “You didn’t want me present when they were there, remember?”

His brother shrugged, but a little devilish smile played in the corner of his mouth. He wasn’t disinclined to play along. “They asked me the same questions twice sometimes. I guess it was to make sure I was actually telling them the truth and not just making it all up.”

“Do you think they have a clue who he was?”

“They have a clue, but the problem is... just like I took the identity of Dieter Richter, however unknowingly...”

“Oh, no,” Tom almost cried out. “He took the identity of this Alois?”

“Yeah,” Bill nodded and the corners of his mouth turned downwards.

“So they have no idea how to find him, because you’re the only one who knows what he looks like?” Tom asked, stunned.

“Yeah. They want me to make a-a...” Bill waved his hands frowning with concentration.

“Phantom drawing?”

“Yeah.” Bill snapped his fingers with a grin.

“Who is that guy? I just don’t get it.”

“Nothing in my old flat gives them any clue. They’ve had technicians there all day today, but they came up with nothing to indicate who he really is, because the entire DNA is either from me, the real Dieter Richter’s, or Alois... the real one.”

“And?”

“Dieter Richter died the summer m-my... the fake Alois found me. The real Alois doesn’t even live there. His name tag was just never removed after the real Dieter died and he moved out.”

“Oh, my god,” Tom breathed and put down his utensils. “Have they contacted the real Alois?”

“They didn’t tell me. I didn’t ask. And no, they didn’t tell me if the fingerprints of the fake Alois have been identified. I have a feeling they didn’t.”

“How did they know some of the DNA matched yours?”

“I asked them that and they said our doctor helped. Apparently, dad and mama gave them permission.”

Skipping the whole paternalism issue about that statement due to worries, Tom found his twin’s dull gaze. “What is it? Head ache?”

“Yeah... I don’t feel so well, Tom. It’s all swirling around in my head. What they asked me, and what I’ve been told by you and everybody else I’ve met recently. I’m very tired.”

“Go to bed, Bill. I can get more answers tomorrow.”

“Yeah... I think I will. Are you coming, too?”

“Shortly, I promise.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Deeply disturbed by the news Bill had told him, Tom watched his brother leave. Visualising what he knew up until now, and what Bill had been able to tell him by the fragments of his memory, Tom came to the appalling conclusion that the fake Alois could have orchestrated the whole thing, drugged Bill somehow and arranged his car accident. Cold-heartedly blown it up to have his brother disappear from the face of the earth, and then kept him drugged in the flat to have a confused warm-blooded sex toy standing by whenever he got horny. If Bill had shambled around on the autobahn in the meantime, the guy already knew where he was, but Bill wouldn’t have known the difference if he was drugged.

Tom smoothed a shaky hand over his mouth and chin. “But that doesn’t explain the concussion... or the amnesia,” he muttered. The puzzle was driving him mad but it kept teasing him, mercilessly. Shaking his head, Tom grabbed his cigarettes, a lighter, and opened the door to the small balcony outside the living room facing a nice enough patio down below. It was very chilly, and he should have worn a jacket but he was too wound up over everything. Looking down, he put both hands on the cold metallic bar, watching the smoke from his cigarette curl with the icy breaths coming from his nose and mouth. Finally, he stubbed out the butt and went back inside. 

Brushing his teeth in the bathroom, Tom realised that Bill didn’t have a toothbrush. Taking it out of his mouth, Tom smiled a little. He’d survive if Bill had used his all this time, but they needed to shop for hygiene products for Bill tomorrow after they’d been to the hypnotist. 

Spitting out foam, Tom rinsed his mouth and scrutinised his face. Bill had only used make-up prior to his reunion with their parents. Tom didn’t really think they looked that much like each other. Now that Bill was back, Tom was reminded of the fact how much their faces had developed differently into manhood. Tom’s face was softer where as Bill’s had more sharp angles. In Tom’s opinion, even their eyes and noses did not have the same shape in profile. Their lips, however, were exactly the same. Smiling a little, Tom looked down into the sink. Then he looked up into the mirror again and nodded. Their teeth looked alike; although Bill had his slightly corrected a few years back to tone down the bunny toothy pegs.

Tom left the bathroom and went to his bedroom. Stepping out of his street clothes, he folded them and put them on the swivel chair in front of his desk. Going to his bed, he pulled down the duvet and slipped under with a small shudder. Lying for a while on his back, his thoughts started drifting, but he knew why he couldn’t relax and fall asleep.

Sensing Bill wasn’t asleep either, Tom wondered what he was doing. He’d missed him for the half of an hour he’d spent alone smoking and getting ready for bed. When the urge become too much, Tom got out of bed when he didn’t want to drag out his natural longing any longer. Gradually, he went into the hallway and stood looking at Bill’s door. He knew the dogs were in there. Nothing about that protocol had changed: Bill always let the dogs sleep in his bed.

“Come in, Tom. The wheels in your brains are so loud they’re giving me another head ache,” he heard Bill’s voice invite him.

Grinning, Tom entered the room, and saw Bill lying on his side, reading in something. All around him, unconscious dogs lay snoring contentedly.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Bill smiled at him.

“No. I thought you were asleep, but...” Tom said with an affectionate smile and sat on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees.

“I honestly tried, but then I gave up. Too much on my mind.”

“Me, too.” Tom pushed all the fingers of his right hand into his scalp and slowly massaged it.

“I like your hair, Tom,” Bill commented, with a soft look in his eyes. “I think I like long hair.”

“I think you do. You had long hair for a few years until you cut it into shape last winter.”

“I can’t believe I allowed him to cut off my hair. I was crew cut! I looked ridiculous.”

“Somehow, I don’t think a crew cut would make you look ridiculous, Bill,” Tom said.

“Nice try, Tom. Knowing what I look like now and studying the old pictures from before, I did look stupid.”

“Fine,” Tom said to stop the fruitless, yet, very recognisable discussion he and Bill were famous for. If Bill had decided that a crew cut looked stupid on him, there was nothing Tom could do to make him change his mind. Tom was the exact same way. Watching the shorthair dog for a while, Tom pushed it gently. “Move,” he said.

Giggling, Bill put away his reading material and looked expectantly at Tom. “Wanna sleep with me?” he asked coyly.

Tom shot him a warning look. “Yeah. I missed you.”

Bill lifted the duvet, and Tom swallowed when he noticed that Bill slept in the nude again.

“Did he make you sleep naked?” _Easy access and everything?_ he asked, knowing what a prudish kind of question that was.

“Yeah...” Bill shrugged. “I might have slept in pyjamas before the amnesia, but I wouldn’t like getting all dressed up to sleep now, I think.”

“Sounds right, I suppose,” Tom nodded getting himself comfortable next to Bill. His twin snuggled close right away, and Tom kept his breath keeping score where Bill’s hands were. All that happened was Bill pressing a soft kiss to Tom’s mouth and then he seemed to relax right away.

“Want the lights turned off?”

“Yeah,” Bill murmured, clearly not interested in being the one doing it. Tom sighed with a smile and slogged carelessly over his brother under the duvet to reach the switch on the lamp. Bill laughed and held on to Tom, crossing his legs around his waist, trapping him on top of him.

“Bill!” Tom grunted, but he stayed there, and lifted his upper body on his under arms to make sure he wasn’t crushing Bill with his weight. 

Cocking his head, Bill smiled. “Hey, Tom,” he said in a voice Tom couldn’t recognise. His face was dimly lit by the soft moonlight coming from the window.

“Hey, Bill,” Tom replied. His stomach was pressed against Bill’s; hipbones aligned perfectly like every other surface and limbs of their bodies. Bill’s cock felt harder, and Tom closed his eyes not letting himself analyse it. Bill’s long fingers rifled through Tom’s loose hanging strands and he felt his head being tugged closer. “We’re brothers,” he began, but Bill still pulled him the rest of the way. Their lips met in a soft kiss, and Tom kept his eyes closed. Bill let his hands wander from Tom’s hair and to his neck and shoulders.

A shudder ran down Tom’s spine. “Bill, no,” he grunted against Bill’s mouth. Bill’s tongue was restlessly trying to get access, and he managed with Tom’s small exclamation. His constant little wriggles to try to get friction against Tom’s own cotton clothed crotch were messing with his mind. “We can’t do this, Bill,” Tom said.

“Why... not?” Bill whispered in between kisses.

“You don’t realise what you’re doing. I’m not him,” Tom said turning his head.

Bill let out a long sigh. “Don’t you need sex?” he asked.

Tom couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “You’re asking _me?_

Bill rolled his eyes, his hips still sneaking in a few gyrating motions. “I’m not that forgetful that I can’t remember what I just asked, Tom!”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Bill.”

“What did you mean?”

“Stop it, Bill.”

“If you’d let me get release, I would,” Bill challenged him.

“We never did this. We’re not attracted to each other, Bill.”

“Not saying that I am. It’s pretty harmless. Like masturbating...”

Tom’s forehead creased in a frown. “Still we never did this in front of each other, Bill. And you were forced to have sex with that guy, and still...”

“Tom. Once you have sex, you can still miss it even if you didn’t want to have it with...”

“So he did stuff you liked?”

Now it was Bill’s turn to frown. “I guess I liked some of the things we did. I just didn’t like it when he told me to do stuff.”

“Of course you didn’t. Can I ask you if you ever initiated anything?”

“I’m not sure. He preferred certain positions and was a smooth talker, so there wasn’t a lot of variety to initiate other than what he wanted. I suppose when I was drugged I was more pliant for lacking a better word.”

“And what would you call this then? This... rubbing thing?”

“Tom, I need to get off...” Bill heaved a sigh.

“I understand. It’s natural.” Tom could understand that. Before the amnesia, Bill had jerked off just as much as Tom had, but they kept their sex drive to themselves. 

“Don’t you?” Bill’s dark eyes searched Tom’s with undisguised curiosity seasoned with eagerness.

Tom realised he hadn’t had any release since he saw Bill the first time on the street, and slowly he nodded. “You need to get off, but you want me to watch?”

“I didn’t say that, but if you need to get off, too, it doesn’t matter that we do it at the same time.”

“That’s one way of putting it. The way you’re acting right now, tells me you want to do it _against_ me, Bill.”

Bill looked insecure now. “What are you saying?”

“We’re brothers - not lovers, and you can’t tell the difference because emotionally, you’re not really convinced I’m your twin, yet.”

“Why are you so fucking smart, Tom? Figuring me out all the time?” Bill sneered, his hips having stopped enticing Tom.

“Because I’m your twin, Bill. I know you inside and out because we’re the same gene poll.” 

“But not the same mind!” Bill tried to overdo him.

“Sometimes...” Tom said.

Bill just stared at him with an expression that told Tom that he still didn’t really buy it. Tom was running out of ideas to convince him and rolled off of Bill. Not that he really succeeded being disentangled that much, because his brother was still clinging to him. Sliding his lower leg away from being trapped under Tom’s side, Bill still kept his upper leg around Tom’s thigh, holding on. Exhaling deeply, Tom let him stay that way.

“Can we sleep now?” he asked his little brother.

“I’m not talking to you,” Bill pouted.

Tom rolled his eyes. “Great. You want me to stay?”

“Of course I do,” Bill responded. “I can’t imagine not living with you.”

Tom gasped softly. “We always tell people that. That we can’t imagine living without each other.”

Bill scrutinised Tom’s face. “Were we ever lovers, Tom?”

Tom’s brow frowned. “No, Bill. Never. We’re straight.”

“But we’re twins...”

“But we’re twins. Exactly. As long as you have no recollection of what that means to the two of us specifically, Bill...”

“Did we live together... before the accident?”

Tom sighed. Bill knew. He’d been told many times already; seen the pictures yesterday that included their private albums. “Yeah. We lived together. We’ve always lived together,” he concurred nevertheless.

“Did we ever sleep in the same bed, Tom?” Bill asked.

Tom swallowed. Yes, they did, but not in the way Bill wanted to interpret it judging from the path the conversation had taken. Bill was a cunning little bitch. “No,” Tom said. “We didn’t.”

“Fucking liar,” Bill said in a soft voice.

Tom looked into Bill’s eyes and doubt filled him to the brim. What was going on here? Closing his eyes, Bill pressed his face into Tom’s neck and automatically, Tom held onto him. Tom closed his eyes, too, and his mind tumbled thoughts and feelings. An overwhelming love for his twin and humble appreciating to have him back, almost made him give in, but to what? Tom had had plenty of encounters with whom he’d enjoyed one night stands, but this was completely different. There was absolutely no way he could ever feel sexually attracted to his sibling. It was as effective as a brick wall between them and still he was considering a few things. It scared Tom to death that Bill found him attractive that way. Bill shouldn’t feel this way about Tom, so in that sense Tom was more than convinced that Bill still hadn’t gotten his old self back... unless Bill was suddenly very open about now that he didn’t consider Tom his twin. Was Bill really gay all the time but never dared telling Tom?

Bill’s foot rubbed the arch of Tom’s, and a shudder ran through him.

“I’m still... a little uncomfortable, Tom.”

“Then go to the bathroom, Bill, and have a wank,” Tom suggested.

Bill’s foot rubbed against Tom’s some more, and Tom shook his head mentally. How could Bill’s foot be so soft and nice to the touch?

“I think I’m going back to my room, Bill. Then you can do what you want. But you’re washing the sheets yourself.” Getting out of bed, Tom stood up and looked down at Bill who hadn’t moved an inch. “Those days are over when mama came over and did it for us.”

“Don’t we have over people doing these things for us?”

“No. We can handle ourselves, Bill. We’re not that famous anymore.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Tom? Tom?” Bill snuffled.

Tom awoke in the middle of the night. Bill lay close up against him, but when Tom looked into his face, Bill seemed asleep.

“What is it?” Tom whispered gently. 

“Don’t wake me up to find you’re just something I imagined.”

Tom held his little thin body close and wondered what his twin was dreaming. It was so unfair that Bill only seemed to remember when he was in the land of dreams. “I’m right here. I’m not letting you go,” Tom murmured into Bill’s hair. His words were probably pointless, but still he hoped they gave Bill some reassurance in what ever he was dreaming.

 

In the morning, even after a long shower Bill looked more tired than Tom had ever seen him. He rationalised that Bill’s subconscious was pushing to have his memories come forward, and Bill was fighting with nails and teeth to prevent them. It was wearing on him.

Tom served breakfast for him without a word, and let Bill sit accompanied by his own thoughts while he took the dogs for their walk. When he came back, Bill was still sitting there in boxers and t-shirt, drinking coffee and shuffling his waffle back and forth on the plate. He’d also taken one of Tom’s cigarettes and sat smoking. The TV was on, and Bill was far away.

Tom ran a hand affectionately across Bill’s blond frizzy hair. “Would you like it if I dyed your hair?”

Bill looked at Tom and shrugged. “I have no idea Tom. I’m very tired.”

“Headache?”

Bill inhaled smoke deeply and looked at Tom. “Not today,” he replied, exhaling.

“Good.”

“Is it?” Bill inhaled again and stubbed out the butt. “When are we supposed to meet this important person?”

“The hypnotist?” Tom asked.

“Yeah. That one.”

“10AM. I wanted us to get it over with as soon as possible. This was the earliest appointment available so I grabbed it.”

“Yeah, good idea. I’m very nervous. Are you nervous?”

“Yeah. We’re usually nervous, you and I when we’re unsure.”

“We were very nervous before going on stage...”

“You remember that?” Tom asked, hopefully.

“No,” Bill said quietly, offering Tom a tiny smile. “But we were on the DVD I saw when our parents were here.”

“Oh,” Tom sighed. “Of course.”

Bill got up. “We’d better get ready. Do I have to look pretty?”

Tom smiled. “If it makes you feel better? You’ve always enjoyed wearing make-up.”

“Not too fancy for a hypnotist?” Bill asked, a coy glint in his eye.

“Absolutely not,” Tom smirked. “I think the secretary said it was actually required.”

Bill giggled. “Would someone recognise me if I dressed like Bill Kaulitz?” he then asked.

Tom frowned. There it was again. Bill not really associating himself with his own name, his real personality. _It’ll come. Just wait and see._ Tom had so much faith and hope in what was going to happen today, so yes, he had heavy butterflies flapping about inside his stomach from expectant nerves. He could hardly wait to get out of the flat and drive them to the hypnotist’s office.

“You can’t _not_ dress like Bill Kaulitz. So, it’s rather possible you’ll be recognised. But since you’ve been declared dead for quite a while now, I’m sure those people will just think you’re a sad copycat.”

“Sad?” Bill smirked.

“You know it was just an expression.”

Bill nodded and seemed a little more perked up. “I’ll go and get myself ready then.”

Tom nodded, and suddenly understood there was an invitation in that statement. “You want company?” he asked to make sure.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Bill said with a huge smile. Once inside his room, Bill began to roam through the clothes he’d neatly put back in the closet after his discovery flip- that was a first, since Bill was the complete opposite to Tom’s tidiness. “Which era should I dress like?”

“It’s not like you’ve kept every single item of clothing through the years, Bill.”

“No?” Bill looked disappointed. “But I really liked all the skull stuff. The band shirts and belts and...”

“There might be some in the chest of drawers.” Tom pointed to the right.

“No, I checked that. There aren’t any of those there.”

“You already remember where everything is?”

“Of course. I have the memory of an elephant,” Bill joked.

Tom smiled and Bill gave him a quick squeeze as he breezed past him to put a few things on the messed up bed. Then he returned to the closet and found a few more things and, with his usual eye for combining outfits, he mixed something that Tom would never have thought of. He knew for certain that Bill had never worn those clothes because he bought them shortly before the interview but decided to wear something completely different in the last minute. It was interesting that Bill would pick something he hadn’t worn before. 

“That’s a pretty white shirt, don’t you think?” Bill asked.

Tom nodded. The shirt was very smart. “Would look good with the black jeans.”

“Do I always wear black?”

“No. Sometimes you wear white, too,” Tom grinned, making Bill laugh.

“Toomm!” Bill whined. “I’m not sure. You need to help me here, not make fun of me!”

“Look, the stuff you’ve chosen looks cool, Bill. It works. It’s you,” Tom quickly established to avoid confusing Bill more than necessary. 

Usually, the two of them would agree on not liking the other’s sense of fashion, but that was not on Tom’s agenda right now since he himself didn’t wear anything remotely close to what he used to. In realty, he liked what Bill wore. Bill was very into fashion and, before he lost his memory, he and Tom had often discussed what they’d want to do in future when the interest for Tokio Hotel just wasn’t worth anybody’s time and money anymore. At the time, it hadn’t been likely, but then nobody had expected Bill to be left out of the equation so sudden. Nevertheless, the twins had looked forwards and planned their common future ahead. Many sketches had been made to form what kind of business they wanted, what kind of fashion style that would satisfy the both of them. Dreaming about owning their own fashion label had been fun and exciting.

“Okay. I’ll put on some make up and then...”

“You usually do your make-up till after so you won’t mess it up getting dressed,” Tom added almost automatically.

Bill stopped and then he nodded. “Okay. Thanks. You really know me well, you know.”

Tom shrugged with a little smile. “Yeah. I know you.”

Bill stepped into the black jeans and then put on the shirt. Like many of Bill’s former outfits there were a few complicated details he needed Tom’s help with. It was a strange and very quiet moment when they stood so close in each other’s personal space, working together wordlessly to dress Bill. Tom loved it and emotions rushed through him once more out of nowhere.

“What is it?” Bill asked. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” Tom said helplessly, a huge lump in his throat making talking difficult.

“Was it something I said?” Bill asked, seeking eye contact.

“No, don’t be silly. I love you, Bill,” Tom blurted out.

Bill gasped and stopped donning a button and they stood looking at each other for several moments. “I love you, too, Tom.”

“How can you be sure if you can’t remember me?” Tom asked, a few pearls of tears clinging to his lower lashes.

“I can’t,” Bill said and leaned in to kiss Tom’s cheek just as a droplet escaped his eye. “But I know that this is harder on you than on me.”

“I’m not sure. If you remembered, you’d add that to the pile of what you went through, too.”

“Makes it sound like I should wish to remember, huh?”

“I want you back, Bill.” Tom closed his mouth and sucked in his lips. He was sounding so needy, but it was becoming so tough not to have Bill back 100%. This was not what he had imagined when he kept wishing and hoping that his brother was still out there, just waiting to be found. He’d give billions of Euros over and over again, if he could relive the moment when he arrived at the scene of the car accident and just followed his intuition that his brother was not dead. Because he _had_ actually been out there. If only Tom had begun to look for him instead of breaking down, then maybe...

“Stop worrying, Tom,” Bill said gently, as if he could guess Tom’s thoughts, and then he went to sit at his dresser and stared into the mirror before beginning to apply make up like a pro. Tom dried his eyes and came to join Bill on the broad seat.

“Would you like some make up, too?” Bill asked, as he turned to look at Tom.

Tom laughed. “No thank you. That’s your thing, Bill.”

“Would we look the same, I wonder?”

Tom shook his head. “No. I’ll just look like a man with make up on where as you...” He stopped.

“What about me?” Bill asked, looking curious.

“You look... pretty. That’s what you look like.”

“So I look like crap without it?” Bill said, obviously knowing he was starting a ridiculous argument, and Tom didn’t take the bite. 

“No. You just look like Bill.”

“Bill and Tom,” Bill said, and Tom nodded, putting his hand behind Bill.

“Tom and Bill,” Tom replied.

“But since you know, Tom, you have worn make up?”

“Oh, yes. Maybe not as heavily as you sometimes do it, but in general, I wear make up for TV etc.”

“I meant _real_ make up, Tom. Eyeliner, shadow, mascara. The works.”

“I know what you meant, Bill,” Tom said, watching as Bill expertly drew lines under his eyes and smoothed with his little finger.

“Is it all right?” Bill asked, darting a quick look at Tom via the mirror while he did the other eye.

“Looks fine,” Tom said.

Dropping the Kohl pencil, Bill looked at Tom. “I’m so nervous, Tom.”

“I know,” Tom said and pulled Bill close by the waist. “Me, too.”

“Can we go? We could just drive around until it’s our turn, but I’m going out of my mind waiting here.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Tom got up and let his twin finish the last touches.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“All set?” Tom asked Bill.

Bill shrugged and looked out of the window. “I guess.”

Tom nodded. At least Bill hadn’t zoned out in denial about where they were going. Luckily, they didn’t have to drive about for very long. Tom had thought it would be best if he took them to the hypnotist right away, because traffic was heavy late in the morning, and he hated getting delayed for an appointment. Bill usually felt the same way. They were both perfectionists.

Parking his Escalade at the address, Tom stepped out of the car with his twin as they both craned their necks to have a look at the place. It was a small house in a quiet residential neighbourhood.

“What’s the time? Bill asked.

“We have time,” Tom said, not wanting to bare his arm in the cold. Bill began to walk up the path of broken tiles in the ground leading to the front door.

“You coming?” he asked.

Tom trotted after Bill, just the way he usually did back in the days where his huge pants didn’t give him any other choice. Soon they stood there; ready to push the door bell.

“We wanna do this?” Bill asked Tom.

“You want your memory back? Remembering something other than how you lived with that creep?”

“Y-yeah. I really do.” Bill closed his eyes a few seconds and pushed the knob.

A woman dressed in a red sweater and white pants answered the door. “Hello,” she greeted.

Bill looked at Tom and then he smiled at the woman. When she stepped to the side, the twins went in and stood in a broad hallway. There was a coat rack for their coats and they took them off right away.

“I’m not certain what I expected,” the woman suddenly said. “Aren’t you the Kaulitzes?” she asked.

Puzzled, Bill and Tom looked at each other. 

“Yeah. We are. Who else did you expect?” Tom asked.

The woman made a big circular motion around her head at first and then she changed her mind making it a half circle. “Sort of...”

“Porcupine,” Bill said trying to be helpful.

“And...”

“Dreadlocks,” Tom said.

“Obviously, you’re not them,” the woman, said, looking flushed by her big mistake and headed for an open door. Tom and Bill hadn’t sported those hair dos since 2008. 

Raising his eyebrows, Tom gathered that the woman had been fishing for Tokio Hotel autographs for her kids, nieces, and grandmother. Why he didn’t correct her when she thought she’d addressed the wrong Kaulitzes he didn’t know. Maybe because they’d come trying to get Bill his session as incognito as possible, or maybe he was secretly miffed that she couldn’t even recognise them in spite of Bill showing up in tasteful make up. But Bill was wearing that grown-up incredibly smart button up shirt. His dirty-blond hair was curling prettily around his face and he wore that grey knitted hat. He looked absolutely nothing like the old Bill. This was Bill of the future. Tom wore one of his chequered shirts and a pair of fitting jeans. His long hair was loosely gathered in a ponytail with five centimetres of outgrown blond roots showing.

Looking in the direction of where the woman had disappeared, the twins found out there was a waiting room. Picking seats on a couch, they sat thigh to thigh for hardly more than a few nervous seconds when they were interrupted.

“Mr Kaulitz?” a voice called.

Looking up, Bill saw another woman standing in an open door. They both got up and were almost on their way, when the woman stopped Tom with a firm but kind, “Just Bill.”

Tom took a deep breath, feeling a little panic attack rising inside of him. “Please,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry. Only Bill.”

“Can’t have her putting you into a trance, too, Tom,” Bill joked.

“That’s true, actually,” the woman said, before she and Bill entered her office and shut Tom out.

Tom’s eyes darted to the woman whom he now understood was the secretary he’d made the appointment with. She did her best not to look at Tom to indicate that she knew she’d been right about them, and Tom was grateful. Now would have been the most awkward time to start doing autographs. He couldn’t have given a shit right now as adrenaline and nerves made him shiver in his seat.

“Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr Kaulitz?” the secretary suddenly asked.

Looking up from his interrupted internal night mare, Tom nodded silently. Moments later, he sat with a big warm mug in his hands. Occasionally sipping from his drink, Tom let his thoughts wander towards the closed door. Not a sound had come from in there. Somehow Tom thought that could be considered good as well as bad news. The urge to stand and press his ear to the door to get some kind of information was strong, but as long as the woman was in the same room working her station, Tom had to behave and wait the one hour Bill had been scheduled for.

Looking at his wrist watch, Tom noticed that only half the time had gone by. With time going by in a speed limit equalling a snail on sleep medicine, Tom was becoming frustrated. Sighing deeply, Tom put down the coffee mug, got up, and went to look out of the window.

The garden looked a lot like the one they’d had when they lived in the big house. Tom wondered if he could rent it again. Wouldn’t hurt to find out. Taking out his phone, Tom scrolled for the telephone number. It gave him something to do. Calling the estate agent, he waited patiently to get through, but it went to voicemail. Obviously a busy day. 

Quickly, Tom spoke a message, “This is Tom Kaulitz speaking. I rented one of your houses until a few months back, and if it’s possible, I’d like to rent it again. Thanks.” Feeling a little disappointed, Tom went back to staring out into the yard.

Suddenly, the office door went open, and Bill came out looking pale and upset. Tom began to walk towards him, but Bill looked away and headed for the exit.

The hypnotist stood in the door looking worried. 

“What happened?” Tom asked, heart thumping hard and fast in his chest.

“I can’t tell you.”

“But what did he say?” Tom asked, exasperatedly.

“I’m sorry,” she shook her head and Tom growled at her confidential bullshit principles. “I recommend that he sees a doctor now.”

Retrieving their coats first, Tom rushed after Bill who’d already left the building. Bill sat in the car waiting for him, and Tom could see he was ready to blow a fuse or some other kind of release.

“Here is your coat,” Tom said worried, as he passed it over. Putting it on, Bill struggled with the limited space. Tom was too freaked out to worry about getting a coat on. “Say something!” he cried out.

“Like what!?” Bill looked at him with wild eyes. “Shut up and take me home. That’s a few words.”

“Huh?!” Tom just stared at him in disbelief. “I suffer through this, too! Do you remember anything?”

“Drive, or I swear to god I’ll get out of this car and walk.” Bill’s voice was shaking a little, obviously trying to keep his emotions inside.

“You’re so fucking selfish!” Tom yelled in a strained voice.

“Just because I won’t discuss this in the car I’m selfish? I’m so fucking considerate that I’ll wait throwing up until we’re home,” Bill retorted quietly.

Running a palm over his face, Tom counted to ten. Then another ten before he decided that he could wait. “Fine.” Turning on the car ignition, he turned the car and drove towards home.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Why did you stop?” Bill asked when Tom stopped by a gas station.

“We need a few supplies,” Tom answered brusquely. He hurried inside the kiosk and ordered a carton of cigarettes and two six packs of beer. In the last second he remembered a toothbrush for Bill. The guy working the till looked like he was going to say something, but Tom didn’t let him get the chance turning his back to him to prevent it. He didn’t have time to be recognised as Tom Kaulitz right now. Coming back to the car, he saw Bill searching in the small compartment in front of him.

“Do you have anything?” he asked, sounding a little panicked.

“What is it?” Tom asked, worriedly.

“Head ache. It’s pounding so bad.”

“Migraine?”

“TOM!” Bill shrieked.

“I could buy some Paracetamol in the kiosk if you cannot wait?”

“What are those?” Bill pointed at the cans.

“Beer...”

“Gimme that!” Bill licked his lips and then winced with a deep frown across his forehead.

At first, Tom stared at him open-mouthed but looking at his twin he could tell he was practically shaking, so he quickly gave him a can. “We should take you to the doctor, Bill!”

“No,” Bill said.

“Bill!”

“NO!! I said no,” Bill refused vehemently. “No more fucking doctors.” Opening the can, a small fountain of foam erupted; he quickly gulped down a large portion. His hand was shaking so bad that Tom had to take the can from him. 

“We need to leave, Bill. I don’t need someone tipping off the papis. The guy in the kiosk clearly recognised me, and I don’t want BILD’s next front page being you drinking beer in the car.”

“Then drive!” Bill made a forward motion and leaned back in the seat sighing dramatically.

“I...” Tom shook his head and put the can in the small dent in the small lid still open from Bill’s frantic search.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Bill waited impatiently for Tom to park the car before they could enter their building.

“How’s the head?” Tom asked. He was holding Bill’s hand dragging him gently along up the staircase.

“I wish there were elevators. My blood pressure is not helping my head at all, Tom,” Bill complained.

Tom smiled. This was his fault, of course. The building was more than a hundred years old with pretty leaded lights at each landing. Installing an elevator into the old thing was not allowed because the interior of the building was officially preserved like many other buildings in the street. “Well, there aren’t elevators, Bill.”

Eventually, they reached their own landing, and Tom fumbled a little with the keys while he held his purchases, too. Bill leaned against him and put his arms around Tom’s waist.

“Hurry,” he murmured against Tom’s back.

Smiling, Tom finally managed to guide the key into the keyhole and unlock the door. “Finally.” 

Bill slid around next to him and went inside to hold the door open for Tom. Retrieving the key, he let the door smack closed. As expected four happy dogs came rushing to greet them. Bill sat down picked up Motte and cuddled him while he gave the other a good petting, too. “I’m going to bed,” he informed Tom who went for a leak in the bathroom, and headed straight for his room.

“Bill!!” Tom called from the bathroom, but all he heard was Bill’s door closing. Being trapped in the bathroom Tom tried to hurry up. He was becoming pissed off that Bill was shutting him out of all these very important issues. At least there was no key to Bill’s room, or Tom was certain his brother would have locked himself in there to avoid Tom. Well, that was not going to happen and determined Tom went and knocked on his brother’s door. A few seconds passed, and when Bill didn’t say anything, Tom opened the door and took in the scene of the room.

The dogs had gathered on Bill’s bed. Bill sat against the headboard with Motte cuddled against his chest. “What do you want?”

Tom rolled his eyes, ready to throttle him. “Do you want that painkiller?”

“No. I’ll just get addicted and get more head aches like you said.”

Tom nodded. “Okay. Are you gonna tell me so I know if I should stop asking?”

“What do you want to know?” Bill looked at him.

Tom exhaled; completely pained by the way Bill dragged this out. “Do you remember anything? Did it work? Come on, Bill. Don’t act like such a fuck and bloody tell me!”

Bill looked away and nodded slowly. “I remember.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Tom exhaled again, but this time in relief. Bill focused his gaze back on Tom, and the older twin came into the room and pushed a dog to the side before settling on the large bed.

"Hold me," Bill said.

"Are you afraid?" Tom asked, and put his right arm behind Bill's shoulders. Bill turned towards him and rested his head on Tom's shoulder.

"I wish I could send my thoughts to you. It would be easier to explain what happened."

"Do you remember what happened there?"

"Yes. It was frightening." Bill reached over and let his hand rest on Tom's shoulder. "She took me back to the beginning. Before the accident and then everything came back."

"Did you..."

Bill put his hand on Tom's mouth and shook his head. "Let me talk."

"Sorry." Tom nodded and smiled for him to continue. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

"I went to that interview and he must have been in the audience, because he came up to me afterwards and we talked. I had the strangest feeling I knew him from somewhere, but I can't remember how. He wanted to talk about something and invited me for a drink. I tried to decline politely because it was getting late, but he said it was important, so obviously I went along. It was so unlike me. I remember I was tired afterwards, and I had to stop driving because I could barely keep my eyes open. I don't remember anything about the car being blown up, because obviously I wasn't in it when it happened. But when I came to myself I was wandering about on the Autobahn. I remember the relief when someone found me there. I had lost my shoes, my feet were cut up by the asphalt, and I had no idea where I was. He confused me with his questions and claims that I was this Dieter. There's a gap in my memory somewhere but I remember his flat next and I experienced this insane nauseous headache - or was it before..." Bill stopped trying to gather his thoughts.

"Did he hit you?"

"What?"

"Like in the head?"

"I don't know, Tom."

"Well, think about it. You stopped the car to prevent yourself from driving into something causing an accident, but it happened anyway."

"Maybe he drove the car into something causing the accident?"

"The hospital scans showed that you got a concussion, remember? He must have orchestrated that. You did lose your memory physically."

"Maybe it was psychologically, Tom," Bill suggested.

"B-but..." Tom stuttered confused.

"Maybe the pills he gave me kept me from remembering and now that I'm not getting them anymore, I've started remembering?"

"But you didn't remember a thing until you went there today." Bill pushed his face into Tom's neck. "Bill, stop it," Tom complained, and Bill lifted his head up again.

"Okay, Tom. Let's say it's physical and that the concussion caused my amnesia..." Bill began to shudder all over his body rather sudden. He inhaled sharply and then once more, before he shot out of bed and ran for the bathroom. Tom rushed after him only to find him retch his guts out in the toilet. Groaning and whimpering Bill trembled and, as soon as he was done, he began to peel off his clothes. "Off! OFF!" he shrieked and Tom stepped in to help him get out of all the complicated buttons and straps that were his fancy gear. Bill pulled at his clothes and finally the fabric gave up and tore. "I gotta have a shower, Tom," Bill pleaded, but Tom was already adjusting the temperature when it became obvious why Bill was anxious to get out of his clothes. Off came the rest and finally, he breezed past Tom, and into the shower stall closing the glass door behind him.

Tom took a few steps back. At last there was a reaction. Bill had been a little too casual about what he experienced in bed with the creep, but now he reacted like bugs were crawling all over his skin. 

Bill's anguished moans had chills running down Tom's spine and more retches resonated in the acoustic room. "Bill?" Tom asked, standing opposite of the door. He wasn't keen on barging in on him. Being touched was probably the last thing Bill wanted right now. "Do-do you need anything?"

"Tooommm," Bill cried. "Oh, Tom!"

Tom opened the door and found his brother on his knees as he frantically washed his hole, pressing soapy fingers inside his body. Tom gasped. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he screamed, shocked.

"Tom! I feel so DIRTY!" Bill complained looking frantic as he pumped more soap into his hands, ready to continue.

Tom bit his wobbly lip. "Bill..." he pleaded and knelt down to try and pull his twin out of the stall. "I can wash you. I can make you clean."

"I-I remember this. What a sick fuck!" Bill screeched as he tried to avoid the touch at first but then he deflated towards Tom. Tom found the soap bottle and a soaked terry cloth glove on the tiled floor. Quickly putting soap on the washing glove, he let Bill flee into his arms and he began to wash him all over where he could reach. Bill was howling loudly at times and the sounds were frightening Tom, making him worried that his brother was losing his mind completely.

"Gods, Billy! Please!" Tom exclaimed and held him firmly as he roughly divided soap down Bill's wet back and further between his small buttocks.

"Sick fuck..." Bill sobbed and grabbed Tom's hair and wept with his face pressed against Tom's ear. "A fucking sick fuck. How could he _do_ this to me?"

"Oh, Billy," Tom cried and squeezed his arm harder around his twin. "I'm so sorry. So sorry. Let's get the soap rinsed off. Won't that be nice?" 

Gently guiding them both back under the water stream, Tom managed to wash the suds off, and soaking himself completely in the process before he could crawl backwards out of the stall once more. Bill was still clinging to him like a chimpanzee baby not willingly letting go of its mother.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Hours could have passed by but Tom wasn't aware of the time, as he sat on the bath room floor holding his precious baby brother in his arms.

Occasionally, a sob erupted from one of the twins as they calmed down from the terrifying emotional outburst.

"Want to go back to bed?" Bill asked dully at some point.

"Yeah. I can't feel my legs," Tom said.

"I'm so cold, Tom," Bill protested.

Tom forced some sense back to his mind. Bill was naked, of course he was freezing. Tom was cold, too, from wearing wet clothes. The water was still running, and Tom didn't like that. It was a waste but he honestly hadn't noticed. The whole country was probably out of hot water by now, he tried to humour himself. "We need to try and get disentangled, Bill," he said, coughing to clear his throat.

"Ouch! Ouch!" Bill cried out as his long legs got the blood circulation back. Tom winced as he also tried to cope with the pain in his legs when Bill got off his lap. Bill cut off the water and hobbled slowly after Tom. Waiting by the door, Tom reached out a hand and grabbed Bill's cold one and together they went back to the bedroom.

"Take your clothes off, Tom. It's all wet," Bill pleaded, and Tom complied. He'd do anything to make Bill feeling better. Crawling under the duvet right away, the twins huddled together and just clung to each other as they tried to warm up one another.

"Better?" Tom asked after a while.

"Yes." Bill rested his head on Tom's broad shoulder, a slender arm wrapped across Tom's chest. "And you?"

Tom smiled. "I'm good." Seconds passed continuously as Tom lay there with his eyes closed. The tenseness slowly left his body and he felt Bill relax along with him.

"How are you doing?" Bill asked.

"Fine. You?"

"Good."

"Feel better? I mean. Clean and...?" Tom had to ask, feeling a little lost.

"It's okay, Tom. I don't know what just happened. But I feel better. The shower was actually just what I needed."

"That's why you need to see a..."

"Don't start on that again," Bill interrupted quietly. "I don't need that."

Closing his eyes, Tom just breathed a few times. "I'll give you what you need, Bill. I'll do anything to make you feel all right again. You know that."

"Yeah. And I'll do the same to make you feel all right, Tom. You're not quite well in the head, you know."

Tom smiled fondly at Bill.

When Bill suddenly wriggled his hips slightly, Tom felt his sex rubbing against his stomach. Swallowing, he tried to ignore it but when Bill did it again, he apprehensively turned on his side and faced his baby brother. "What are you doing?"

Bill's gaze was a little speculative. The doll like quality to his beautiful eyes and long lashes had always appealed to Tom, but not in that way. Never that way. Nevertheless, the combination of blond hair and brown eyes never failed to be irresistible to Tom. With a little smile, Tom reached out his hand and touched Bill's smooth cheek. 

"What are you thinking?" he asked, relieved that the horrific experience was over. 

"I'm just so angry that he thought he had the right to touch me."

"I've wanted to kill him ever since I realised what he did to you." 

Bill smiled and closed his eyes for a while, clearly enjoying Tom's caresses. "Good." 

A big shaky sigh was heard and Tom realised Bill was settling in to fall asleep. The emotional dump he'd just had must have exhausted him. Still feeling upset, Tom couldn't rest, yet. Another moving day had slipped between his fingers like sand. Bill had gotten his full memory back and Tom was utterly thankful. He'd still try and persuade his brother to see their doctor. He shouldn't go through these insurmountable emotions without a consultation and possibly therapy. Too much had happened all at once. Bill would fight him about it, but Tom still had to suggest this for his own good. 

"You're thinking too loud, Tom," Bill mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah. I know."

"I don't want to see a doctor," Bill added. "I'm perfectly fine discussing this with you, Tom."

"I know," Tom sighed. "G'nite Bill."

"G'nite Tom. Sleep well." Bill pushed his body against Tom's and Tom surrendered and carefully slid his upper knee between Bill's thighs to get closer to him.

"I'm hungry, Tom," Bill's sleepy voice was heard.

"I am, too," Tom replied after consulting his stomach.

"He always cooked for me."

"I always cook for you," Tom said with fondness in his voice.

"Now I'm sure he slipped the drugs in my food."

Tom hesitated. "Sounds plausible," he then said. Bill's body shuddered against his and Tom pressed his knee lightly forward.

Bill hissed, "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you have any idea what your thigh is doing to my perineum?"

"Perineum?" Tom asked.

"I don't need an external prostate massage if you don't mean it, Tom," Bill said.

"What are you talking about?" Tom asked confused and began to pull his leg away.

"Tooommm!" Bill complained with a small moan.

"I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm not doing it on purpose!"

"Then lie still!" Bill readjusted Tom's leg back where it was. Saying nothing, Tom lay stiff as a board afraid to move a muscle. None of them said anything for a while.

"Are we good?" Tom finally asked.

"We're always good," Bill said.

"What just happened?"

"You were just... Never mind, Tom."

"How do you feel... you know. About us? Are you still..." Tom didn't like having to actually ask Bill directly if he was still sexually attracted to him.

"It's weird for me. I'm completely aware of our brotherly bond, and what you've been so desperately trying to convey to me has sunk in. I remember everything we've been to each other in the past."

The subject was consuming Tom and even though he didn't want to know, he had to anyway. "If you had the chance... would you have sex with me if you could?" There, he said it. How fucking blunter could that be?

"Right now, I don't think I'd want sex with anybody, Tom." Well, that didn't exactly answer Tom's question. Bill didn't continue, and Tom didn't know if he should reopen the subject. 

"But if you did..."

"I don't, Tom. Leave it. It's embarrassing enough for me that I came on to you."

Tom stopped breathing a few seconds as he analysed what Bill had just said. Gods, six months ago he didn't have to analyse anything. They always understood what the other one said. Sometimes they spent hours in each other's company without talking because they knew each other so well that the flick of a wrist or a raised eyebrow was enough to communicate. It usually drove the G's insane just as much as when they permeated the room with incessant twin talk.

 _"It's embarrassing enough for me that I came on to you."_ That's what Bill had just said, but still it didn't mean that he didn't want to come on to Tom.

"Maybe I should move out," Bill suddenly said.

"NO!" Tom shouted. "It's nothing, Bill. Really! It's not an issue for me. Please don't..." He stopped begging just as fast as he'd begun.

Bill erupted into laughter and pushed Tom on his back. "Tom! For god's sake!"

"You were kidding?" Tom asked incredulously.

Bill stopped laughing and a look of horror spread across his face as he arranged himself on top of his big brother. "I'm sorry, Tom! Are you crazy? I'm not leaving you. I can't live without you!"

Tom gulped air a few times and suddenly he lifted his head and kissed Bill firmly on the lips. Withdrawing for a moment, he then kissed Bill again, putting his hands on his brother's head to keep him in place. When he finally let go of Bill, he panted like he had been exercising like mad. "Don't fucking leave me. I've just found you, Bill."

"I'm so sorry Tom- I was an arse." Bill swallowed heavily and latched on to Tom's lips just as hard. They kissed desperately until their panicked separation anxiety had faded away. Tom rolled Bill off. Lying next to each other on their backs, they stared into the ceiling.

"I wonder what time it is," Bill said after a while, grabbing Tom's hand.

"You need to get yourself a wrist watch, Bill."

"Yeah. And a phone."

"I have an extra. You can have that until you get yourself one you like."

"Does it have a SIM card?"

"Of course. I just never use it. It's not an iPod, though."

"Okay. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

A comfortable silence hung between them for a while longer. Tom began to feel heavy and sleepy. He wondered if it was afternoon or evening. It wasn't too dark outside, so it couldn't be evening yet. Turning his head, he found Bill looking at him.

Motioning towards Tom, Bill studied him curiously. "Would you fuck me if I asked?" he asked.

Tom laughed a little. "You're incredible, aren't you?"

"Would you?" Bill asked.

"Bill..." Tom hesitated, but decided to be frank. "What I would like is for you to get some therapy for the rape you were exposed to."

"Sounds like a disease..." Bill muttered.

"It could become a mental disease..."

"But doesn't have to..." Bill counter argued.

"Bill..." Tom sighed.

"Tom..." Bill sighed back. "I appreciate that you care for me, because I care for you just as much. Had you been in my shoes I would have dragged you by the hair to our doctor already a few days ago, but you haven't and I'm grateful. I'm so disgusted by the fact that man has had his dick in my body, but I can't undo that. However, Tom..." Bill looked very serious and Tom paid attention. "It's half a year ago. And unfortunately, I remember a lot of those fucks. I remember that some of them felt good and that during some of them I just wished for him to get off so I could go back to sleep."

Tom swallowed feeling a little sick.

"If you count six months times thirty days... That's in the neighbourhood of..." Bill frowned in concentration as he calculated. "One _hundred_ and eighty fucks."

"Did he do it every day?" Tom asked.

Bill shrugged. "Maybe. However, not in the beginning. It escalated later on but I lost track because I was so drugged in the evenings I wouldn't know the difference. Then towards the end, I lost appetite and I suppose he had less of a chance to drug me. I became aware of my pathetic situation and questioned him about it. We argued a lot and I began to deny him sex because I was fed up with it. With him. I was never in love with him, he just told me I was. My incoherence for most of the time prevented me from wondering if I was actually in love with him or not."

Tom pulled Bill close. He felt uneasy not having his twin in his arms during these talks. Slowly, he pushed his leg back between Bill's thighs.

"You're doing it on purpose, Tom," Bill warned him.

"Uhu," Tom replied with a little naughty smile on his lip. "What does it do to you?"

"Try and rub," Bill whispered, and smoothed long strands of hair away from Tom's ear.

"You sure?" Tom whispered back.

"Why don't you test and see for yourself?" Bill murmured against Tom's ear.

"Maybe I will," Tom said.

"Please," Bill suddenly said. "Make me all right. You said you'd do anything."

"I don't even know what I'm doing."

"'Course you do. Don't pretend you don't, Tom."

Tom sucked in his lips and rubbed his cheek against Bill's. He could feel the tip of Bill's cock resting between their groins and it felt wet against his own. It should have repulsed him, but it didn't. Nothing about his brother could possibly repulse Tom. Nothing about his brother should excite him either, but inexplicable arousal was teasing Tom's groin and, as he experimentally began to rub the top of his thigh against Bill's perineum, the little gasp his twin let out only made him want to rub some more.

"Tom," Bill breathed prettily in his ear, tickling the microscopic hairs inside Tom's auditory canal. Tom felt his cock firming up just by the simple stimuli, adding moisture next to Bill's. Bill's breath became shallower as Tom added a little pressure. 

"When was the last time you came, Tom?" Bill asked, slipping Tom's earlobe into his warm wet mouth.

Shuddering, Tom removed his leg and rolled on top of Bill instead. "Too long ago."

"I don't need you to regret anything tomorrow, Tom," Bill warned him.

"We're just masturbating. Isn't that what you said?" Tom reminded Bill, using his own words as argument.

"Where are the dogs?" Bill asked.

Turning half, Tom also noticed that the dogs weren't in Bill's bed. "Wha'? You need witnesses?"

Bill grinned and wound his arms around Tom's neck. "No. Just realised I hadn't seen them since..."

"Me neither."

"I need this. Tom..." Bill lifted his head, indicating he wanted a kiss.

"Bill..." Tom squirmed slightly. 

"We just kissed."

"That was different. We needed that."

"But we need this one, too," Bill tempted his brother. Tom regarded Bill suspiciously, but then again, he was currently rubbing his naked groin again Bill's equally naked one. Quickly, he darted a kiss on Bill's lips. Maybe if they just got this out of their system, they could go back to being normal again. Perhaps they really needed this to reconnect and get their wires straightened out to become twins once more. Experimentally, he rubbed his hard cock along Bill's.

"When was the last time you had a sexual fantasy about some girl, Tom?" Bill asked, as he lifted his hips fractionally.

"Uhm..." Tom narrowed his eyes, as he started thinking about it.

"See, usually, the Tom I knew would smirk because my question would have cut off a sexual fantasy of yours in progress," Bill said.

Tom had to admit that was true. He actually had to _think_ about the last time he had a sexual fantasy about girls. "Bill..." he began, but was interrupted when Bill slid his hands down his sides and around his waist. Gradually, Bill pulled his legs up until his thighs fell open. It was a very vulnerable position, and Tom was aware how even more sexual their actions were as if they hadn't been previously. His cock became harder still, as he acknowledged that he was actually lying on top of Bill in the same position as he did when he was about to fuck a girl.

"What?" Bill asked, raising his head to plant a kiss on Tom's lips. Tom kissed back and they made out for a while as their cocks continued their slick slide along one another.

"Can't it wait?" Tom asked slightly laboured.

"Sure." Bill lifted his long legs and wrapped them tightly around Tom's body, trapping them together. "Let's get off."

Tom exhaled in a moan as they established a rhythm. Bill moved so flawlessly under him. Tom had had girls moving flawlessly beneath him several times, but never like this. Never with somebody who matched his own motions, his body length, his everything. He tended to go for the curvy little types, and Bill couldn't have been more opposite. But then Bill was his brother - not a willing groupie.

"Your wild hair," Bill said as his fingers slid through Tom's long loose hair. "I love it."

"You're sweet looking blond, Bill," Tom returned the compliment.

"We never liked each other's hair dos, Tom," Bill laughed breathily as Tom ground into him.

"Never seemed like a guy thing to complement each other. Always other people asking. Forcing me to have an opinion about your hair, Bill."

"Yes, I remember. I need a hair dye, Tom."

"Not now. I want to enjoy it a while longer."

"Okay. I'll do anything for you."

"Bill... could you shut up," Tom grunted and Bill obliged and turned his head away.

"So good," he moaned, and rotated his hips making Tom gasp in pleasure.

"It's different," Tom said. Bill didn't complain about his weight on him, of pubic hairs getting tweaked, scratching razor burns or whatever the problem was below the belt. Bill just moved along, keeping the pressure between their cocks equally as hard as Tom tried to maintain it. 

"Oh, FUCK!" Bill moaned. "I missed this."

Tom could understand what Bill had mentioned earlier. That now he'd become a sexually active person, he couldn't just put away the need to be with someone intimately. It was there. He'd been in a sexual relationship for six months whether it had been consensual or not. He wasn't a virgin anymore and he turned to Tom to fulfil that need because just wanking or using sex toys wouldn't cut it for him any longer.

Tom needed it, too. He'd been so engaged in his sorrow over losing Bill that he hadn't had the emotional reserve of strength to seek out a 'partner' except that of his right hand. It had felt as if he couldn't contain the thought of being with a girl when his soul was missing half the part to its existence. Tom knew his family and closest friends had worried that he'd wither away some day and now that Bill was back, Tom knew it could easily have happened. He hadn't been living for the last six months. Just like Bill had been, Tom had only been existing, too. 

"Move faster," Bill urged him, and Tom thrust his fingers into Bill's scalp and pressed an open-mouthed kiss on his full lips. The good feeling he received from it felt so overwhelming good like it was everything he really needed. Bill's tongue was inside his mouth, licking at his teeth, his tongue. 

"Oh, Bill," Tom moaned freely. Not releasing his brother's hair, he chased his release relentlessly. His tongue trailing Bill's, his arousal fed entirely by what he sensed and felt with his twin against him. Not for a second did he need the fantasy of previous encounters with girls to colour what they were doing. He'd worry about that afterwards. 

"Uuuuhh-uuh-uuuuh," Bill groaned deeply as he clung to Tom, and flung a thigh across Tom's hips. Pressing against him violently, Bill's body shivered as he came, desperately kissing Tom. 

Tom's senses flew out of the window as his orgasm hit him. He might have screamed, but it must have been swallowed by Bill's urgent kisses. When Bill pushed him, he rolled on his back and Bill crawled on top of him, covering him fully. His skin felt sweaty against Tom's, real and tangible. 

"I'm buzzing so badly all over," Bill purred, his arms and legs twitching occasionally over-stimulated.

"Me, too," Tom said and wrapped his arms around Bill, truly enjoying the fact he had time to appreciate the aftermath.

"I'm hungry."

"I think we've already had this conversation," Tom said.

"Do you regret this, Tom?" 

"Live in the now, baby. I'll give you my autograph," Tom teased.

"Tom Fucking Kaulitz... I can't wait to tell all my friends about this," Bill smirked and kissed Tom's chin.

"The G's? Andi?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Don't talk like some groupie, Bill."

"Will there be an 'us' later, Tom? Should I invite you home to my parents before we go all the way?" Bill fluttered his eyelashes.

"Fuck off, Bill," Tom couldn't help grinning. 

"I mean," Bill stroked across a nipple, and Tom shuddered at the unexpected enticement. "I'm just afraid you'll regret this later."

"Like I said, Bill. Live in the now."

"Because my life could be taken away from me just like that?"

"Don't be a bitch, Bill," Tom warned him. Then he rolled on top of his twin and pinned his arms above his head. Bill rewarded him with a shriek in surprise. 

"You liked that?" he asked Tom. Tom laughed dangerously and bent down to capture his brother's nose in his hot mouth. Carefully, he sucked the pointy appendix, and was surprised when a pretty whimper in pleasure escaped Bill. Withdrawing, Tom inspected Bill's face and there was no other word than beautiful to describe what his twin looked like in that moment. Closing in again, Tom slid his mouth over Bill's nose again and gently skimmed a tongue across a nostril, and Bill shuddered. Slowly, Tom sucked harder and parted with a loving lick.

"Gods," Bill moaned. His shoulders having lifted from the sheets to try press closer to Tom. "What made you do that?"

"I don't know," Tom said with a small smile. "But I guess your nose is an uncharted pleasure zone?"

"You have no..." Bill swallowed, "idea."

"Fuck we're completely covered in this mess," Tom moved away from Bill. "I'm taking a shower."

"Uhu," Bill said. "I'll just have a go after you."

"Still hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Perhaps we should eat something and then I'll walk the dogs... wherever the hell they are."

"Tom, are we good?" Bill asked.

Tom returned determinedly. "Bill, we're fucking okay. I feel exactly the same about you as I've always done."

"About _this_ , Tom."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Bill," Tom said and winked, heading for the door once more. He felt terrific about what they'd just done.

"Would you do it again?"

Tom stopped abruptly in the door and slowly turned. Bill pushed the sheet away and got on his knees. His long, slender cock hung from between his thighs and his palms slid up to cover the small nipples on his petite ribcage. In that moment, he was the sweetest looking and yet most erotic human being Tom had ever seen. "Can I ask you if you've always been attracted to me?"

Bill smiled and shook his head. "I've never been attracted to you, Tom. You're my twin."

Tom snorted. "So what were we doing just now?"

"Just masturbating... remember?"

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Waking up the next morning, Tom had his arms full of a softly snoring Bill. Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he recalled what had happened the day before. Too many things and he had mixed feelings about them. Of all the things he could have dreamed about considering what they went through, he knew he’d just been dreaming about raunchy sex. Had it happened for real, his hips would have been dislocated and his dick rubbed raw. Smacking his lips, he smiled and embraced Bill. His eyes flew open. In his dream he’d been fucking his partner vigorously. Moving his head away he looked into Bill’s face. A tall, hot blond had been sitting on his dick, riding him enthusiastically.

“Shiittt...” Tom gulped. Relaxing his arms, Tom frowned. _"I'm just afraid you'll regret this later."_ Bill’s words came back to him, and Tom had to be brave and honest here now. He’d really enjoyed the mutual stuff they did yesterday, and his sex dreams had been fantastic and liberating. “What are you doing to me, Bill?” he whispered and kissed his brother's slack lips.

“Tom?” Bill slurred and messily kissed Tom back in his slumber, before a little puff indicated he was far away in dreamland.

Tom slipped out from under the sheets. The rest of their evening had been companionable. Tom’d heated up some of Simone’s cooking and they brought it to the living room where they sat next to one another like old times on the couch watching a few movies with the dogs cuddled close. Later they went back to bed and lay close whispering, reminiscing fond memories and just enjoying being the two of them alone together again.

Tom stood in the kitchen watching as the coffee machine percolated, sending its aromatic vapours into the air. Checking the fridge, he grudgingly noticed that they were out of milk. He couldn’t really put shopping off anymore, and he quickly wrote a note to Bill letting him know where he went. After getting dressed, Tom quickly jogged down the stairs to drive to the kiosk he usually frequented, because he rarely got recognised if he shopped early.

Quickly, he roamed the shop and went to pay. The young woman manning the till lifted an eyebrow at the bulging basket, but just sent Tom a small smile. Tom smiled back. He knew her. She was a regular face and never bothered him. He ended up spending more than €100, because he’d been tempted by so many things he usually didn’t care about buying when it was just him living alone. However, as he browsed the well assorted shop, he recognised many of Bill’s favourite foods and made sure to buy those. 

When he got back home, the dogs greeted him happily. “Hey, guys!” Tom knelt and ruffled them all affectionately. “Did you miss me?” he laughed. “You always miss me even if I just stepped outside for a second and came back in, forgetful little Hobbits.”

“Now why would you accuse _them_ of being Hobbits?” Bill said. He stood in the kitchen door looking amused at Tom.

“Wasn’t accusing them,” Tom said. “Here! Breakfast.”

“Oh!” Bill came and took one of the bags, leaving the rest for Tom.

“Nothing’s changed there,” Tom muttered and followed his twin.

“Want a cup?”

“Yes. I really want one. Never got one when I realised we were out of everything.”

“Thanks,” Bill said, looking at him over the brim of his cup.

Tom nodded. “I got milk.”

“Good.”

“It would really like to live in the fridge, Bill.”

Bill laughed. “Sorry.” He sat down his cup and together they emptied the shopping bags, putting everything where it belonged. Bill shot him warm looks and Tom felt heat rising in his cheeks. 

“Bill...” he said, shaking his head as his lips stretched in a wide happy smile.

“What?” Bill asked, as he cut open a package of sugar and poured it into a Tupperware box labelled ‘sugar’. “Are you still mulling over what happened?”

“No...well, yes, but not the way you think.”

“Uhu. And what do I think, Tom?” Bill looked at him and smiled brightly.

“That I regret it.”

“No. That’s not what I think.”

“Bill...” Tom half turned to Bill. “I dreamed pretty hot stuff.”

“So did I.” Bill nodded. “I dreamed I was riding you.”

Tom huffed a few times. “Uhm... yeah... I...”

Bill’s eyebrow shot upwards. “Did you dream that, too?”

Tom didn’t respond at first. He hadn’t willingly acknowledged that Bill had been the blond in his dreams, but he couldn’t lie to Bill. Nodding, jerkily Tom’s body was responding to the words and images his dreams were teasing him with all the time. “You were incredible.”

“So were you,” Bill said. Their eyes were locked for several moments and the mutual attraction sparkled between them. Then Bill looked away and went to fetch a bowl and a spoon. Filling it with cornflakes and a touch of sugar, he then got the milk and poured that into the mix, too. 

Tom watched his twin move around and then it dawned on him there was something different. “Hey, you did your nails!”

Bill smiled. “Yeah. I did my nails.” He fluttered his black varnished nails and Tom smiled back. Bill looked around and then shrugged. “I’m taking this to the living room. It’s not cosy in this kitchen like it used to be.”

“Oh!” Tom hurried after him. “I’m thinking about we should get that house back if we can.”

Bill perked up. “Oh, that would be fabulous! And the dogs would like it so much I think.”

“I tried to call them, but they...” Tom stopped. They might have left a message; he just hadn’t checked his phone. Quickly, he located it from his jacket and went to the messages. There it was. They’d left a message. Smiling like a fool at Bill’s just as eager face, Tom called them back. Expectantly he waited for the phone to be picked up.

_“Reinholz Rentals. Kristian Alois speaking.”_

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Tom stopped breathing and his smile slowly faltered.

“What is it, Tom?” Bill asked, concern quickly taking over his happy expression. Tom’s heartbeat was running a mile a minute and he felt like fainting. 

_“Hello?”_

“Uhm...uhm...” Tom’s hand was shaking. “Hello? This is Tom Kaulitz speaking.” Inside his mind was an inferno of tumbled feelings and confusion. He was very likely talking to _the_ Kristian Alois! The guy who had previously been living in the flat that the fake Alois had kept Bill in. It couldn’t be a coincidence that someone with that name happened to have some kind of connection to them. What was going on?

_“AH, yes! I remember. You and your brother rented one of our homes. I can understand from your message that you’re interested in renting it again?”_

“What? Huh... uh yes. We are.”

_“We? But... I’m so sorry if I sound insensible, but...”_

“It’s okay. You’re not,” Tom quickly interrupted. The guy thought Bill was dead. That was actually good news. Tom was nervous like hell, as he tried to figure out how to coax information out of the man. 

_“I see...”_

“Is it available?”

_“Yes, as a matter fact it is. We haven’t had anyone requesting to renting it lately.”_

“That’s fantastic.” Tom gave Bill thumbs up, but his brother looked worried.

“What’s going on, Tom?” Bill whispered.

“Can I ask you a question,” Tom said, knowing this could be dangerous, but he had to know. “Do you live across from me?”

 _“Excuse me?”_ Alois asked, of course taken aback. Tom gave him his address and a few seconds later, Alois hummed agreeably. “Well, I used to live across from your address as a matter of fact until about half a year ago. One of my colleagues is renting it at the moment.”

Tom stopped breathing again. “Who?” he asked tonelessly.

_“Where are all these questions leading to, Mr. Kaulitz?”_

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t... Well I was wondering if I could sell this flat with your agency’s help?”

_“We only do rentals. Is everything all right, sir?”_

“Of course.” Tom looked at Bill who was pressing a shaky hand to his mouth. “I might come by soon and we can figure out something. I’m really interested in renting the house again.”

_“Well, I’ll be happy to...”_

“No. I want your colleague.”

_“My colleague?”_

“The one who’s renting your flat across the street.”

_“Well, as far as I remember he already arranged your contract when you rented the house the first time, but I can’t actually...”_

“Did he set up the contract?,” Tom asked tonelessly, silently thanking the man for his confusion that lead him to give Tom all this information freely. “Fine. I’ll call you back soon, Mr. Alois.”

_“Uhm, sure. Very well, Mr Kaulitz.”_

Tom disconnected rudely and the twins slowly nodded. “I think we should pay the police a visit. But better call Gordon or dad first.”

“What did he say?” Bill asked, distraughtly.

“The creep that kidnapped you was the agent who set up the contract for our house in Hamburg.”

Bill looked like a lot of stuff was going through his head, and he nodded. “Oh, my god. Oh, my god. What a fuck.” He nodded more energetically. “But that’s right. I remember!” He put his hand back to his mouth. “Why didn’t I remember this earlier? I felt it in the club. I knew him, but then you were the one who saw him mostly. The one time I saw him, he didn’t make a huge impression on me.”

“He must have made you feel safe though while you staggered around not knowing who you were.”

“He came up to me and I did trust him. It’s such a blur that night. I guess I talked to him after the show because I must have recognised him as the rental guy after all. Or he could have introduced himself as the guy who handled the contract, thinking for some reason I’d remember him.” Bill was trying to make sense of the news and, in the meanwhile, Tom had dialled Gordon.

“We’ve found out who the guy is, Gordon. We should talk to the police.”

 _“Who is it?”_ Gordon wanted to know.

“The guy works for the rental agency who owns the house we rented in Hamburg.”

 _“Would you like me to come with you to the police?_ ” Gordon asked.

“Yeah, that would be great,” Tom said.

_“Want your dad present, too?”_

“I think we’ll be fine. He’s probably on the job anyway.”

_“Okay. Expect me to be there shortly. I’ll just tell...”_

“No. Don’t tell mama.”

_“Tom...”_

“Please. She’ll just be worried.”

_“She’ll just be very pissed off being left out.” ___

__“Please. Don’t say anything,” Bill said, having taken the phone from Tom, and turning on the tiny speaker so Tom could hear what they said._ _

___“Okay, Bill. But I’ll have to tell her afterward.”_ _ _

__“Okay. Just the three of us.”_ _

___“How are you, Bill?”_ _ _

__Bill inhaled sharply and then he smiled. “I remember everything, Gordon.” The silence greeting him made him suck in his lips worriedly._ _

___“Really?”_ Gordon’s voice whispered._ _

__“Yeah. The hypnotist I visited yesterday worked wonders and I recall my past. I recall people, places and everything. It’s a huge relief.”_ _

___“It’s fantastic news! And the accident and such?”_ _ _

__“I don’t remember anything of importance about that. But we got a good clue by pure chance, but let’s talk when you get here.”_ _

___“Of course. Of course. I’ll bring my fucking baseball bat,”_ Gordon growled._ _

__Bill squeaked with a thrill in his voice. “You should probably leave it,” he said, nevertheless._ _

___“I’ll beat him to bloody pulp.”_ _ _

__“I’ll be going, Gordon, but see you soon, yeah?”_ _

___“I’ll be seeing you boys. I can tell her this, can’t I?”_ _ _

__“Just wait until after... please?”_ _

___“Okay, Billy. I’ll see you then.”_ _ _

__Bill disconnected and looked at Tom and shrugged. “What if they catch him?”_ _

__“I hope he’ll become some rapist’s favourite bitch in jail and get so much cock he can taste it with every meal he stuff his ugly face with.”_ _

__Bill swallowed, looking squeaked. “He wasn’t ugly,” he just mumbled._ _

__“He could be... Johnny Depp for all I care. He’d still be ugly.”_ _

__Bill nodded. Then he took Tom’s hand. “Do you realise that you’re the only one of us who’s using the term ‘rape’ for what he did to me?”_ _

__Frowning with confusion, Tom looked at Bill. “What are you saying?”_ _

__“Stop saying rape. It’s upsetting me.”_ _

__“The word?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__Tom went quiet for a while and then he drew Bill into his arms._ _

__“I’m so scared. I’m so nervous,” Bill whispered and Tom felt the same. The rage that boiled inside him wanted to lash out and head for the rental agency, but they had to be careful._ _

__“What did the real Alois say?” Bill asked, reminding Tom of what caused this._ _

__“That the guy set up our contract for the house in Hamburg.”_ _

__“Then his name is on the contract, too, Tom,” Bill said. “Do you still have it?” he asked hopefully._ _

__Tom nodded slowly. Yes, he hadn’t exactly made it a priority to sort out his papers since he moved into the flat. He still had the contract somewhere in a box containing important papers._ _

__

____

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Gordon stood looking at the contract. “So this is the guy?”

The twins nodded simultaneously.

“Okay. We’ll bring this along. Is there anything else we need?”

“We could use Alois as a witness, too, but I fear I’ve already said too much. I think I spooked him a little when I pinpointed his former address,” Tom said.

“Yeah, but it lead us to him,” Bill added.

“Let’s go then.”

The three of them left the flat and went down to street level. Getting into Gordon’s car, they drove to the police station. The twins had toned down their features even more than they usually did to blend in. Bill was wearing a coat with the hood up. With no make up, he was practically unrecognisable. Tom also wore a coat and, with his hair hanging loose, he never attracted attention. He never wore his hair unbraided even once after Bill disappeared. 

When they entered the station, they went directly to the front desk and asked for officers Zollinger or Lohse. Only Zollinger was present and, when the tall siblings stood in front of her, she looked up with a curious smile.

“Hello, Mr Kaulitz,” she said.

Stepping around his stepsons, Gordon showed her the contract. “We have some strong proof for you in finding the guy who held Bill back.”

“Sit down,” she said. The twins took the two chairs in front of her desk, and Gordon borrowed one from an unoccupied desk close by. “What is this?” she asked and pointed.

Tom cleared his throat. “Well, I was interested in re-renting the old house we used to live in and it turns out that a Kristian Alois is one of the agents from the agency we rented the house from.”

“How did you find out?” Zollinger asked.

“I called them and when they answered, he presented himself as Kristian Alois.”

“We already know that, Tom,” she said softly.

“Well, yes... Wait a minute! You do?” the twins asked, baffled.

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t find it odd?”

“Of course. What else did you find out?”

“Well, I sort of tricked him. And told him I knew he lived across from me. And when he seemed interested in that I gave him my address and he acknowledged he’d lived there... but that one of his colleagues were now renting the flat... as in currently.”

Narrowing her eyes, Zollinger’s interest was clearly peaked. “Go on.”

“Alois also mentioned that this colleague was the same man who set up the contact when we first rented the house.”

Zollinger picked up the contract. “So this signature belongs to our man?”

“Yes,” the twins said in unison.

Studying the name for a few more moments, she then turned to a computer on her desk. After having typed for a minute or two, she calmly looked at both of them. “Stick around for an hour. I guess we don’t need Bill to make a phantom drawing after all. I’ll have a line up arranged instead. Please pick him out, okay?” she said.

“Just like that?” Bill asked.

“Just like that,” Zollinger said and smiled reassuringly.

Tom felt adrenaline getting released in his body and he started to shake. Bill looked like he went through the same thing and he was so grateful when Gordon suddenly stood behind them and calmly put his hands on their shoulders.

“Is there somewhere we can wait?” Gordon asked.

“There is a canteen further down in the building. You’re welcome to wait there. But I need to get a hold on you when it’s time.”

“Don’t worry.” Gordon wrote down his mobile number. “Just call me, and I’ll bring them back.”

“I will,” Zollinger said. Then she looked pointedly at Bill and Tom. “Promise me not to do police work on your own another time? Just call us right away instead.”

The twins nodded silently. They had no problem with that.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Everything is suddenly going so fast,” Bill murmured. He and Tom sat side by side on plastic chairs in the so called canteen, each sipping a cup of what was probably supposed to be coffee, but had a faint after taste of bouillon soup.

Tom played with Bill’s little finger. “We’re getting somewhere and he’s getting what he deserves.”

“What if I can’t remember him?” Bill said, and cocked his head.

Tom smiled. “Are you trying to force yourself into not remembering him? You lived with him for six months.”

“Maybe.” Bill stretched his legs in front of him and placed his hands over his stomach, cradling his cup between them.

“Did the hypnotist think you had a real amnesia?”

“Yes. She didn’t buy the doctor’s bullshit about the select amnesia.”

“Good.”

Bill looked away and ruffled his hair a few seconds. “Sometimes I miss it.”

“What? Him?”

“Yeah... It was real when I was there.”

Tom licked his lower lip and looked around to check if anybody watched them. “Bill?” he whispered. When his brother turned his head back, Tom leaned in and quickly pecked him on the lips. “This is real.”

Bill smiled and squeezed Tom’s thigh for a moment.

“It’s time, boys,” Gordon said, as he entered the canteen.

Dropping their Styrofoam cups in a nearby waste basket, Tom and Bill slowly got on their feet and followed their step dad back to Zollinger’s desk.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Who wants to go first?” Zollinger asked. The four of them had stopped in front of a number of other doors looking just like it in a drab hall way.

“What do you mean?” Tom asked.

“You’ve seen him, haven’t you?”

“Right.” Tom believed he could identify the man from the agency’s office even if he hadn’t seen him in any other capacity.

“You go first, Tom,” Bill nodded. His eyes looked scared and Tom could hardly wait to go in there and nail that creep.

“When you get inside, Mr Kaulitz, there is a large window. Behind that there is a line up of men. I’d like for you to tell me the number of the guy you think is the agent who set up the contract for your house.”

“Okay. I understand.”

“No outbursts or anything, please. The men can’t see you. All right?”

“Yeah,” Tom nodded. Then Zollinger opened the door, and Tom stepped inside the room.

Nervously, he glanced at the line up. At first, his eyes darted wildly at the five very different men each holding a number in their hands. Then he took his time looking at their faces. One of them seemed vaguely familiar, but Tom realised it was actually a few years ago he had contact with the agent who set up the renting contract. Could it be that guy? Bill’s kidnapper? He didn’t look like he was capable of doing something like that to another person. Swallowing, he crossed his fingers hoping he remembered correctly. “It’s number two.”

“Okay, Mr Kaulitz. Thank you.”

“Is it him?” Tom couldn’t help blurting out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Zollinger looked sympathetically at him. Of course, she couldn’t tell him. Bill hadn’t identified the guy yet.

“It’s your brother's turn. Don’t give him any hints.”

“Yeah, all right.”

Tom left the room and deliberately avoided looking at Bill. Jesus, he hoped he’d remembered the guy correctly. The hatred he’d been filled up with so badly, had deflated when he saw the potential kidnapper. He was truly so insecure that he’d pointed out the correct guy at all. Well, he couldn’t harm an innocent man. Zollinger would know if number two was the correct suspect.

“Please come with me, Mr Kaulitz,” Officer Zollinger said to Bill. Tom watched his brother follow her inside the room and the door closed behind them.

“Tom? Are you all right?” Gordon asked, looking concerned.

“I have no idea. Fuck, I’m not even sure I picked the correct guy, Gordon.” Tom quickly dried his eyes.

“Sit down, Tom,” Gordon said. There were some chairs against the wall, and he pulled Tom along to make him sit down.

The door opened once more, and Bill came out, looking pale.

“Was it him?” Tom urged his question. Tight-lipped, Bill nodded his acquiesce. 

“We now have a case, Mr Kaulitz. You both picked out our suspect,” Officer Zollinger said, expectantly.

Tom couldn’t help but cry out in mad relief. He’d picked out the fucking arsehole! The fucker was going to be dealt with properly.

“What happens now?” Gordon asked. 

“He’s been arrested, and will be charged accordingly,” Zollinger answered.

“Good,” Tom said, and put an arm around Bill’s waist. Bill was trembling, and Tom wordlessly asked him if he was okay. Bill shook his head and his eyes pleaded Tom to take them out of the building. “Can we leave?”

“I’m sorry, but I have some papers you need to sign.”

“Can you send them? We’re not feeling well,” Tom said.

“Oh...” Zollinger said, understandingly. “I suppose that can be arranged, but it’ll only take a few seconds to print them. Nowadays, the procedure is pretty fast.”

“It’s okay,” Bill murmured. “Let’s just get it over with, then we can go.”

Zollinger went ahead and, when the twins caught up, the documents were ready for signing. Tom didn’t even look it over before he signed; he imagined they’d get copies. 

“Will I need to appear in court?” Bill asked.

“Not necessarily. You’ve pointed him out. We’ll see how the case evolves.”

“Will he confess?” Tom asked.

“I hope so. This is very circumstantial. Bill’s testimony a few days ago is as good as we can get... so everything comes down to what kind of person he is.”

“I got my memory back yesterday,” Bill said. “Will that change everything?”

Zollinger’s eyebrows shot upwards. “I should say so! I’ll need to talk to you again, Mr Kaulitz. We need to go through the details from the accident once more to compare to whatever he explains.”

Bill nodded, and Tom could feel he was shaking badly. “Can we go?” he asked the officer.

“Yes. We’ll come by your place later.” Zollinger handed them their copies of the documents.

“Cool. Bye.” Tom turned and pulled his brother along. 

Gordon followed quietly, looking over the papers. “You okay, Bill?” he asked, worriedly.

Bill shook his head. “No. Please, take me home right now, Dad.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Need me to stick around?” Gordon asked.

“We’ll be fine. Go home and tell mama. We’ll manage.” Tom stood on the landing and embraced his stepfather before he went home.

“Don’t be brave on Bill’s behalf. He really should consult a doctor,” Gordon said, quietly.

“I’ve tried, but he won’t budge.”

“Try again,” Gordon prodded.

“He broke down yesterday when we got home from the hypnotist, and he seemed to feel better afterwards. But now this is added. This... I’m not sure,” Tom said, avoiding Gordon’s eyes, as he recalled what else happened between Bill and him yesterday. 

Gordon nodded. “Okay. But try and persuade him, okay?”

“Okay.” Tom waved one last time as Gordon began to walk down the stairs, and then he closed the door.

“No doctors!” was the first thing Bill said, as his eyes met Tom’s when he entered the kitchen.

“Gees, did you wire me or something?” Tom asked, incredulously.

“No, but I know you, Tom, and you’re thinking about it again,” Bill accused him.

“I cannot help thinking about it. I worry about you.”

“I don’t need this. If I need some fucking therapy I’ll let you know, Tom,” Bill retorted indignant.

“Bill, I can’t be your saviour. I’m not sure about what to do half of the time,” Tom pleaded.

“Trust me on this, Tom. You’re doing great. I don’t need anybody else. I won’t have careless people leaking stuff. It was bad enough that hypnotist was needed, but I don’t want more people knowing. And what if, what if...” Bill inhaled shakily and waved his hands anxiously. “What if I have to testify? Everything will get out, Tom. The kidnapping, the things he did to me. Every _disgusting_ thing he did to me will be plastered on the front page on BILD, and I can’t HAVE IT!” Bill got up shaking so badly that Tom rushed forward to grab him and hug him hard.

“Shhhh,” he tried to calm down his distressed baby brother, but he knew what Bill felt. He, too, was suffocated by it. “So you don’t miss it?”

“TOOOMMM!” Bill cried out. “I fucking loathe it. It wasn’t... I didn’t mean it like that. I just feel this gap of continuity. Of what I was used to before him and what sort of became a rhythm when I was with him. But of course I don’t miss _him_. I didn’t even like him, but he was there. He was a kind of stability, even if it was a bad one.” 

“Sure,” Tom said. It was a very slow process for Bill to give him details from his time in the other flat, because he couldn’t really remember much of a variety. Every day was basically the same for him. A dull time spent alone watching TV before the guy came home and made dinner for him, because there was never anything exciting in the fridge or the cupboards to prompt Bill to make something on his own. He had no money to spend and he was too tired and lethargic to go anywhere on his own. Then more often than not, Bill became drowsy after dinner and went to bed with a pounding headache caused by the drugs and painkillers he was given, making him feel angry and upset. And on top of that, he was enduring the guy’s sexual needs once he got to bed.

“I can’t do it. I can’t.” Bill pushed at Tom to make him let go of him.

“We’ll talk to the police about it. See if...”

“I’ll just bury myself in my room and never come out.”

“Bill...” But his brother just stalked out of the kitchen and went to his room. Sighing, Tom stood for a moment. Then a shuffle of eager feet was heard in the hall. Bill opened his door and let the dogs in before he shut it again.

“Great...”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Bill?” Tom knocked softly on his door.

“Come in,” Bill’s voice was heard.

Opening the door, Tom found him sitting in front of the mirror, scrutinising his face. He went to sit next to Bill and took an eyeliner and fiddled with it for a while watching Bill searching for something in his reflection.

“What is it?”

Bill didn’t answer right away, but then he turned his head and looked at Tom. “Why do you think he did it?”

Tom had actually thought about it occasionally. There was an obvious answer to that. Lust. The guy had lusted for Bill enough to commit such a crime. Should he say that to Bill? Didn’t his brother already know, having paid for it with his body and soul? “He got horny when he saw you.”

Bill nodded. “But that happens to a lot of men who see me. Why him? Why did _he_ act upon it, when nobody else has.”

Tom nodded. “I don’t know, Bill. Bushido...”

“Was bull shitting. He never meant it,” Bill said warningly, catching Tom’s eyes in the mirror. Tom just nodded diplomatically. They had never really agreed on that. Tom just stopped arguing about it to appease Bill. Of course Bushido fucking meant it. Who would not have a hot minor sucking his goddamn dick? Bill was barely seventeen when the rapper made that statement on TV. His twin had become ridiculously prettier over night when he went from clumsy eye-liner and to Natalie Franz’ makeup skills, adding extensions to enhance his androgynous face. Tom could have sworn he was looking at Barbie’s male equivalent when Natalie had complied Bill’s make over. Their male fan base increased by several hundred percent in 2006.

“Bill...” Tom hesitated. “Did he ever bring other people around?”

Bill returned his eyes to look into the mirror. “To check me out, you mean?” Tom inhaled sharply. He supposed that’s what he meant.

“He didn’t, did he?” he asked.

“IF he did...” Bill’s eyes darted to Tom’s for a short moment before looking straight ahead again. “I wouldn’t know.”

“FUCK, BILL!!!” Tom exploded, throwing the pencil on the desk.

“You fucking _asked_ , Tom!” Bill shouted back. “I don’t know!”

“Did he bring other people over? Yes or no?”

“A few times, yes.”

“While you were there?”

“No, Tom. He always told me to stay in the bedroom when he had friends over. I never saw them.”

“Fine. But did they see you?”

“What do you mean?” Bill frowned.

“Did he let them see you when you were passed out?” Tom pointed out.

“Tom!” Bill whined, and hit him hard in the shoulder. “Are you asking me if he let them do things to me when I was drugged?” Tom hid his face in his palms. Why did he have to think these things? He was orchestrating scenarios for no good reason, scaring Bill and himself in the process.

“I’m sorry, Billy. It’s... I’m fucking sorry.” Tom removed his hands, surprised to find them wet.

“Oh, Tom,” Bill cooed and put an arm around his shoulder. Tom swallowed thickly, turned Bill face towards him, and looked into his eyes. 

“I don’t know what to do, Bill,” he said. “The terror is still so deep inside me. I lost you. I’m freaked out about the fact that a seemingly normal looking person just took you away from me. As if it’s fucking okay to grab other people like that. Taking _my_ twin way from me. I want to rip his head off so badly you have no idea.”

“You look insane, Tom,” Bill said quietly. “Don’t kill him. I want him in that prison.”

Tom sniffled a few times, trying to collect himself. “What happened when you saw him in there?”

“When I stood there, Tom, and I looked at all those men, I honestly feared that I couldn’t recognise him,” Bill looked positively peeved. “He’d changed his looks in the few days since I left the flat. I doubt there was anything _normal_ about him. I doubted to the last second if I could recognise him.”

“What?” Tom asked, dumbfound.

“I’m not sure I recognised the correct man. Because he didn’t look like that when...”

“Were you really that drugged?”

“I really, really was. I began to stop eating towards the end because I knew he drugged me, and I tried to avoid the drugs by simply not eating. But I got hungry, so sometimes I swapped our plates and _he_ fell asleep.” Bill laughed a little. “So, eventually we started arguing. I was pissed off when he wouldn’t help me get my memory back. I accused him of not making any efforts. He couldn’t give a shit. It seemed to me that he really had no idea what he was doing... I mean that what he was doing was wrong. I think he saw me as a pet. A harmless pretty thing to play with. Definitely not a threat, so when I ‘rebelled’ it came as a surprise to him. I left the house a few times, which pissed him off... I ran into you. Yeah, and the rest is history as they say.”

Tom looked at him and ran a hand over his blond locks. “You have to be sure, though, Bill. I picked number two.”

“So did I, but I thought number four looked more like him.”

“But Bill?” Tom frowned, not liking this at all. “You have to be _sure_.”

“What made me change my mind, Tom, was that he was the only one of them looking nervous.”

“Ah...” Tom nodded slowly. A conscious after all, albeit based on fear of getting locked inside. The other four must be regular line up guys they always brought in. Or possibly even police officers from the same station.

“But... if Alois also testifies – and points him out - then three people have identified him... and then...” Bill nodded a few times and Tom smiled.

“Yeah. Then it doesn’t matter if you can’t really remember him,” Tom said. The police had to get a statement from Alois, too. In letting the guy rent the flat where Bill was kept, made Alois a key witness to the case, too. Tom wondered what the man felt about his co-worker... or soon to be ex-co-worker.

“I don’t want to talk about him, Tom. He’s...” Looking at Tom, Bill made a small gesture as if he wiped him from his mind. Then he put his arm around Tom’s shoulder and pulled him close. Tom rested his head against Bill’s and looked into the mirror. They looked relaxed for a change. “Wanna do my nails?”

Tom spluttered at the out-of-context question. “But you just did them!”

“A guy can’t have too many coats of nail varnish.”

“Okay. What colour?”

“You can choose, Tom.”

“Don’t say a bloody word to the G’s.”

“Have I ever?”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::


	3. Chapter 3

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Later that day, Bill sat at the table in the living room, making some business calls. It was time he returned to the real world and let the Tokio Hotel management know that he’d regained his memory. He only wanted to talk to David Jost, though, and the twins had agreed that Bill needed some time off, still. There was the trial to consider, how to make it as down toned as possible considering the delicate contents of it. Furthermore, since Tokio Hotel was on hiatus, nothing was happening anyway, and Bill wasn’t interested in reawakening the band as long as the trial was on. Also, even though the G’s were interested in getting back with the band, it still wasn’t time.

Their mother had called as soon as Gordon had returned home. Bill got the tongue lashing for not telling her right away yesterday, but when she got the facts that he’d broken down, she went kind on him. After exhausting demands that he should call his doctor, Bill finally went on to call their dad. Tom gathered that conversation went smoother, and at least there were no demands to see a doctor.

“I’m twenty one years old!” Bill complained. “Tom, why is everyone acting like I’m a minor? Now, I wonder if Andi is home?”

Tom shrugged. “Just don’t discuss the case, Bill. Who knows who’ll be called in as a witness?” He went to the kitchen. Bill had more people on his list to call, and Tom couldn’t be bothered listening to him chat for hours. Finding some biscuit mix in the cupboard, he began making waffles. That would be a treat. He had some vanilla ice in the fridge and possibly colourful sprinkles hidden in a drawer. “Hopefully, they’re not expired!” They weren’t, but he’d probably have used them anyhow.

Baking waffles for a while, Tom noticed Bill had stopped his phone calls. The living room was very quiet. Quickly, tipping the latest waffled on top of the previous ones, Tom went to check up on Bill. His brother stood at the window with Motte in his arms looking across the street. Looking at the flat he lived in with that creep.

“Bill?” Tom asked and neared him. Rubbing a hand on Bill’s back, he waited for Bill to say something.

“I love you, you know,” Bill said.

“Yes. I know. I love you, too,” Tom replied. Hesitatingly, he continued, “Bill...” 

“No. Don’t start again, please. It’s really stressing me out,” Bill said.

“I just want you to get better,” Tom said, carefully.

“I know. And I am,” Bill said. “I used to walk on tiptoes, listening to when he’d come home. He brought me food which I looked forward to, but I also loathed his return because I could do without his company... but I also hated being alone. I vaguely recalled always being surrounded by people, and I really felt I was used to being with people who loved me. I hadn’t forgotten that.”

“And he just left you alone all day?”

“He worked... Obviously, at the rental agency.”

“Quite. Strange he thought he could get away with it just by fleeing the flat and changing his appearance. Alois must have thought it was strange.”

“Yeah. Strange. One would have thought he’d lay low after I left. Luckily, he didn’t, huh?”

“You can say that again.” Tom let his arm slip around Bill’s waist. “Are you hungry?” Tom asked.

“Yeah. Wouldn't mind something. Pizza?” Bill asked, hopefully.

Tom grinned. “Want me to order it? I do have waffles...”

Bill lifted an eyebrow. “Afterwards. Pizza first... unless you’re capable of cooking it yourself as well?”

Tom shrugged. “Pizza tastes better when it’s ordered. Waffles must be Tom-made.”

Bill chuckled at the typical Tom-ism. “Thinking about going vegetarian again some time?”

Tom nodded. “Sure, but not tonight.”

Bill grinned and put down Motte. Then he put his arms around Tom’s neck with a small smile and Tom met him halfway in a soft kiss. “Thanks,” Bill said in a small sweet voice.

“Bill...” Tom started. “Where is this leading to?”

“Where ever you want it,” Bill said.

“Come on,” Tom cocked his head. “Stop the games, Bill, and come forward for once.”

“But I don’t want to come forward, Tom. I want you to tell me what you want.”

“So you can shape your opinion after what I want?”

“Do you remember the big fight we had? Before our last concert in Paris?” Bill asked, fingering Tom’s long wavy hair.

Tom hesitated. Yes, he remembered that argument. It was full blown, ugly, hysterical, and ended in a way they never did. Swallowing, Tom looked away from Bill’s questing eyes. “Yeah. I guess I remember it.”

“Good. So that should give you a clue or two.”

“No, Bill. It doesn’t.”

“Yes, Tom. It fucking does because nothing has changed. But apparently you have chosen to forget.”

“What?” Tom looked incredulously at Bill.

“In this case, I think you’re the one with amnesia, because I remember very, very clearly.”

Tom closed his eyes. They had practically not had a single argument during the whole tour. Everything between them had been great. There hadn’t been their usual disagreements because the machinery of the tour had worked perfectly. They had their own tour bus and it had put a very relaxed feel to their spare time. The dogs had been with them with Gordon hired as a pet sitter when they were indisposed. Then suddenly, the afternoon before the Parisian and last leg of the tour, a silly argument blew out of proportions and afterwards Tom hadn’t really had a clue what had caused it and why Bill made such a big deal out if it. 

Tom had to concentrate to remember what had really caused the argument. Usually it was nothing when it began but it quickly emerged into stuff that bothered them and needed the right outlet. That argument hadn’t had the right outlet and words had been said between them that both regretted later. They had been too harsh and completely out of context to the tour or how they felt about each other. Nevertheless, they made up and the concert had been incredible. Flashes of images came up and Tom groaned. He’d kissed Bill on the lips to make him shut up, because he wouldn’t quit beyond the point when Tom normally would swing a fist. He had the sense not to hit Bill a few hours before a show, and his twin had stopped screaming at him and just stared back at Tom in shock. Well, that had been the idea to begin with, but Tom suddenly recalled the small smile playing around Bill’s lips. He understood now that Bill had liked it for more than what it was. The fight had turned him on.

“Why don’t we start with what you remember then, Bill?”

Bill leaned closer, his lips close to Tom’s, ghosting warm breath, and involuntarily, Tom parted his. “I remember everything, Tom.” His eyes sought Tom’s and Tom was so fucking drawn to him.

“I remember everything, too. But wouldn’t it be nice if we remembered the same things?”

“I think we do, Tom.”

“I think we do, too.” He let his nose slide gently across Bill’s and he smiled when Bill gasped softly. Bill let his fingers delve into Tom’s hair, and Tom sighed when his brother’s fingers massaged his head. With a little gasp his head was whipped back a few centimetres. Bill had grabbed his hair, keeping his head in place tightly. Looking at Tom through lowered lashes, Bill put his mouth against the mole on Tom’s cheek and kissed it before moving on to his chin and throat. Swallowing thickly, Tom turned away. He had to take a stand. Either he wanted this to continue or if he should stand down once and for all. 

“Tom...” Bill whispered.

“Yes?” Tom said. “What is it?”

“I...” Bill licked his lips and eased up the tight grip. “I don’t know.”

“Fine. But you don’t need my opinion to figure out if you want to or not.”

“You’re right.” Bill let his hands drop to Tom’s shoulders. “I can’t measure this based on if you want me or not.”

“Do you?” Tom asked.

“I wanted something in Paris. But I...” Bill shrugged.

“You didn’t before I kissed you?”

“You shocked me!” Bill laughed. “And I liked it. I wanted more.”

“More?”

“More kisses. More... us. I liked what we did.”

“I just kissed you in the heat of the moment, Bill. That’s all that happened.”

“Yeah... but I...”

“You were turned on, right?” Tom stated.

Bill let go and stepped away. “Forget it. We’re not getting anywhere.”

Tom watched him leave the room and he sighed. Why did it have to be so complicated? So Bill was attracted to him and it happened shortly before the accident. No wonder that Bill came on to him right away when they met again. The attraction hadn’t been dulled from his brother's mind – in spite of the amnesia. 

The door phone rang, and Tom went and answered. It was the police.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

"Please tell us what you remember from the accident, Mr Kaulitz." Once more, Officers Lohse and Zollinger were present in their kitchen, but this time, Tom was present, too.

"I had an engagement. An interview in a TV show. It was strictly my presence they wanted, so for a change, Tom and I weren't going together. We..." Bill looked at Tom who smiled back. "We always do things together." Smiling fractionally at the concept, Bill then continued, "I did the interview and afterwards this guy came up, and I thought I vaguely recalled who he was. And then he introduced himself. I might have given him an autograph. This thirty year old something grown up man claimed he was a fan, which for some reason is uncomfortable to a certain degree when you deal with them all by yourself. 

'I wasn't going to drive home that night because it was rather late, so our management had arranged for a hotel room. But as it turned out, he was there, too. We happened to meet in the bar, and he persuaded me to have a drink with him. I still thought he was rather odd and pushy, so I decided not to stay at the hotel and go home instead. I didn't want to meet him again the next day."

Tom frowned. This was new. That's not how Bill had told the story originally, but he assumed his brother had simply remembered more facts now.

"I said goodnight to the guy and went to my room. I hadn't really unpacked anything, so I was able to check out immediately. When I got my car, I headed homewards. As I drove I was feeling peculiar and very sleepy at some point and then I stopped the car. And that's when I fell asleep, I imagine.

'When I came to myself I was no longer in the car. I had a mean headache and I was walking on the verge of the Autobahn without shoes. Cars were rushing by, tooting their horns at me in warning. I had no clue where I was and what had happened to me, but then someone drove their car slowly next to me and they urged me to step into their car saying they wanted to help me. I believed I knew them when they told me they did. And that's basically it."

"Don't you usually use bodyguards, Mr Kaulitz?" Officer Lohse asked.

"Yes, usually, I do, but we do drive by ourselves when we're not on the job. I had never imagined this would happen, otherwise I would have used a bodyguard... or asked Tom to accompanying me, of course," Bill replied. 

"So far so good, Mr Kaulitz," Zollinger said and stopped the small tape recorder she used for Bill's revised statement. "The fact is that that part of your story matches perfectly with the statement we've gotten from our suspect. He did in fact do those things. Invited you to have that drink and he spiced it up with a pill to drug you. He planned everything. Knew your hotel, he got the TV show ticket from Alois, who testified he had gotten some for free from your management..."

Bill and Tom frowned and looked at each other. How on earth was that possible? Then they looked back at Zollinger.

"He followed you in his car and, when you stopped to rest, he dragged you out of the car and hit you in the head several times. His first intention was worse than what exactly happened."

"He wanted to kill me?" Bill gasped.

Zollinger looked down, but slowly nodded as she held Bill's gaze again. "Yes. But he executed another plan and instead set your car on fire to make it look like an accident. He was pretty obsessed about you, Mr Kaulitz. The passing of Alois' boyfriend Dieter probably made Alois want to put his flat up for rent to leave the sad memories behind. Our suspect stood ready and, needing a place to stay, the agreement worked out for the both of them. That you were installed in the flat to act out the part of Dieter is just..." she shrugged. "...another chapter of his deranged personality."

"Was he interested in Alois' Dieter?" Tom wanted to know.

"No. He was definitely interested in your brother, Mr Kaulitz."

Tom had to close his eyes. The new facts were unbearable to listen to. He could have lost his brother for real. That had been that creep's initial intent. Then he turned his eyes at Bill again, and took in the sight of him. So many feelings tugged so hard in his chest, and he wondered what would happen if he gave in. Bill. Sweet, funny, adorable Bill. He didn't care the two officers were present; he had to touch Bill right this moment, and the need made him grab his sibling's hand to hold it between his own two.

"Didn't other drivers come forward back then having seen anything? Like Bill said, they hooted their horns at him," Tom asked, feeling Bill reciprocating the touch.

Lohse looked at Zollinger who shrugged, then he shook his head. "If anyone saw anything they never turned up as witnesses when the case was handled six months ago. We would have had at least a lead already back then. But it was unfortunately assumed that your brother had a car accident all on his own. We now know better."

"...So he was just crazy?" Bill asked, returning to the topic.

"You were very lucky, Mr Kaulitz. We..." Lohse's phone rang, interrupting him. "Excuse me," he said and answered it.

Zollinger looked at her colleague and the twins quickly read her facial expression that something was up. Slowly, Lohse closed his phone and looked at Zollinger.

"What?" she asked, tensely.

Bill swallowed. "Did he escape?"

Looking positively thwarted, Lohse rubbed his neck. As if in disbelief, the officer shook his head. "Not exactly. There was an _incident_ in the men's rest room. They can't explain how, but our suspect was out of sight while using the facilities for approximately ten minutes. While he was in there, somebody managed to beat him to a pulp and hang him up in his shirt. He's suffocated to death."

"WHAT!!?" the twins as well as Zollinger exclaimed in unison.

"Do you know who did it?" Bill asked shocked.

"There are no cameras in the rest rooms," Zollinger said, quickly ruling out that option.

"Anyway... this sort of closes this case and opens an entirely different. Our suspect is..." Lohse frowned. "Well, there won't be a case concerning you now, Mr Kaulitz. Luckily, he confessed in time."

"We're not going to ask you to identify him. We have others we can use," Zollinger said, smiling kindly at Bill.

Bill put a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered to no one in particular.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

"The case is closed," Tom whispered, as he hugged Bill tightly. The officers had just left them alone, and Bill was practically liquid in his arms. They were both drained by the relief that had filled them up when they found out that there was no case to be had, no scandal to fear now that the guy was dead.

"We have the damage control now," Bill added.

"What are we going to tell the fans, the news? How do we reverse the past six months into something people can digest?"

"We'll think of something."

Tom slackened his tight grip and ran his hand fondly over the crown of Bill's head.

"I can't tell you how fucking good it feels that he's no longer going to play a part in my life,” Bill said, as he slowly turned his head from side to side as if he tasted the words.

Tom looked at him for a while before he said, "This I can live with." Bill nodded and looked back at Tom, neither of them talking as they thought about the matter.

"I can't live without you, Bill," Tom said huskily, moved.

"I can't live without you, either," Bill replied. "If we can't live without each other then... we won't _part_ for anyone. So why can't you make the final commitment, Tom?"

"I'm not just having sex with you because you have an itch..."

"Tom," Bill gulped in frustration. "It's not like having an itch was an issue to you when we were with the band!"

Tom had to agree with him on that account. "Okay. You're right."

"To me, it's not just a fucking itch, Tom! How can I explain this more clearly to you! I'm... I'm passed that. I've been passed that way before the amnesia."

"Bill," Tom groaned.

"Why won't you believe me?"

Tom ran his hand down Bill's nape and sighed deeply. "Because it happened when you didn't know who I was. Besides, we always get too emotional, Bill. We need to talk this out rationally."

"Let's get those pizzas ordered, Tom. We'll talk then."

"Fine. We should eat, yes." Tom capitulated and went to order the goddamn pizzas. He didn't have much of an appetite, but Bill might.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Sitting in front of each other at the table in the living room, Tom played with Bill's hand. Letting thoughts drift for a while as he regarded his younger brother. Bill looked back at him, his eyes soft and loving. Tom knew Bill said something that rang all too true. Their connection was so vital, so fitting that even if they did hook up with somebody else; that person would never be able to trigger the same emotions that Bill did. His twin always came first. Tom wasn't really interested in living with anybody else. Bill believed in true love and it would seem he had found it in Tom.

He'd known it for a while. That Bill would never find someone else to share his life with. Being who they were in the band, made it plain impossible for Bill to just find a girl he thought he could trust enough to even get acquainted with by chance. And if he did... Tom paused, because he'd never admitted that before, but he had to now. Bill was so gorgeous and pretty that a girl might be intimidated trying to top that in a possible marriage with him. Tom could honestly not see his brother function in a 'normal' relationship with a girl. The only partnership he could imagine would be for Bill to make _friends_ with a girl. Someone he could swap make up tips with - like with their former make up stylist Natalie. Wow. Tom looked down. That was harsh.

So that sort of concluded who Bill was stuck with, because Tom refused to acknowledge Bill with a possible boyfriend. Astonished, Tom realised that he wanted Bill for himself. He didn't want to imagine his precious twin in the arms of anyone. So once more, it came down to Tom who provided everything Bill needed: love, a soul mate, friendship, and being someone he could trust with his life and make plans with for the future. No wonder Bill had been swept away in Paris when Tom suddenly kissed him. He must have thought he gained the last thing he needed from Tom: intimacy. So Tom might very likely have caused Bill's infatuation on his own... unless it ran deeper than that.

"When did you discover these feelings for me?" Tom said.

"I'm not sure, Tom," Bill replied and stuffed a bit of pizza into his mouth. "I've always looked up to you. I've always needed you by my side or nothing seemed to have the same allure no matter what we did. When you kissed me in Paris... it just seemed right. You blew me away."

Tom smiled. "Thanks. I just think that... we've lived side by side since we were conceived... why now? Why not before? You must have known when it became something different than just having an awesome brother."

Bill shrugged with an eyebrow slightly lifted. "You looked differently at me last year, Tom."

"Well, you changed dramatically last year, like you always do when you decide to change your look. I liked it. I liked the stage outfits. I liked the clothes you're wearing. We're going to be fashion designers, remember?" He could tell from the sparkle in Bill's eyes that he liked hearing that very much.

"Did you only kiss me to shut me up?" his twin prodded.

Licking his lips, Tom grabbed for his cigarettes. "Maybe not," he muttered around the filter, before igniting the fag.

"Maybe not?" Bill asked. "Tom, we did stuff last night... We did stuff when I couldn't remember you..."

"We did and eventually I liked it, okay?" Bill shut his mouth tight-lipped, but his eyes were happy. "And it wasn't just to get off. I enjoyed being with you. And I kissed you, yes, but that wasn't because I expected to get a kick out of it."

"Yesterday, I didn't do it just to get off, Tom."

"You said so earlier."

"I was afraid that you'd just get all 'Tom' about it."

Tom nodded. He had that tendency, yeah. He let his fingertips trail over Bill's glossy nails, repeatedly. "So now you want me as... I don't know," he grinned sheepishly. "A boyfriend?"

Bill shrugged. "I need something, Tom, and I don't want it from anybody else." 

_Good._ Tom turned his hand palm up and caressed the top of Bill's fingers with his own. "If the creep hadn't done what he did to you... Do you think we'd sit here now discussing whether or not we are going to have sex?"

"Jesus, Tom!" Bill exclaimed and got up.

"Well, aren't we discussing that?" Tom asked, baffled, and got up, too. "Or do you have a problem calling things by their rightful name?"

Bill turned around and pointed a finger at him. "Don't... don't even..."

"Don't what?" Tom came closer. "You're hot, Bill. Also in bed."

"What? Tom!" Bill whined.

"Did you want more after I kissed you in Paris?" Tom asked even if they'd already been around that issue.

Bill's face went through a lot of expressions, and Tom smiled widely. Since he already knew the answer, he was just toying with his brother to please his own ego if he could make Bill admit to it once more. 

Bill rubbed a hand over his forehead before he looked up. "Yes! I wanted more. But you never approached the subject after the tour, so I didn't, either. Then we had the promotion gig in Asia before the DVD came out and then... I disappeared. So before that, I just had to endure my pathetic little crush." Pushing at Tom, Bill complained, "Quit being an arse, Tom!"

Tom smirked. Trapping his baby brother in would be easy. However, Bill looked positively pleased as he walked himself into a corner. Sucking some smoke, Tom then exhaled. Bill grinned as his back connected with the wall. 

"You're leaving ashes on the floor," Bill said, looking into Tom's eyes. 

"Oh." Tom went and stubbed out the cigarette in an ashtray. Bill went with him and took his hand. Stepping into Bill's personal space once more, Tom pulled him along. With a grin, Bill embraced Tom.

Simultaneously, their eyes zoomed in on the other twin's lips.

"You sure you don't wish I was a hot blond little thing?" Bill asked.

"What are you talking about?" Tom smirked. "You _are_ a hot blond little thing."

Bill giggled enchanted and let the tip of his tongue wet along his full lower lip a few times. Tom leaned closer and placed a kiss on the small moles along Bill's jaw. Bill looked playfully straight ahead and then he slipped away, walking backwards towards the hall. "Coming, _sweetheart_?" he asked.

The dogs looked up from their slumber around the couch, and Tom cast them a glance, which set them into a wound up motion.

"I'd love to, _Mäuschen,_ but I think the dogs have been patient long enough, hoping we'd notice them." He looked down at their pets with a fondness in his eyes.

Bill smiled at their babies and cooed, as he sat down. "Wanna go for a walk?" The dogs knew that word and got excited all over again with expectant woofs. "But we only have time for a little wee and poop, because Tom and I have parents' stuff to attend to!" Bill informed the closest dog cuddled in his embrace.

"If you walk the small ones, and I take the big, we'll have the task completed in no time," Tom suggested. He knew he was the one to walk the dogs, normally, but...

"Sure!" Bill chirped, and Tom smirked. Bill never walked the dogs. Not that he never had before the amnesia, but as such, Bill never walked the dogs. Tom figured his twin was desperate, but when Bill began to put leashes on the dogs, Tom had to take back his first conclusion. Bill had gladly walked the dogs when he was still having amnesia... so - Bill could actually be doing this because he wanted to, and not because of the reward he expected to get in the other end.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

"Look at this old thing!" Bill laughed, pulled out an old coat, and quickly put it over his sweater.

Resting against the door frame, Tom glanced at him. "The fans will recognise it," he said.

"You think so?" Bill asked. "It's like two years old."

"Bill, our fans remember the clothes we wore in 2005," Tom replied dryly.

"Hmmmm..." Bill stood in front of his full size mirror. "I miss my walk-in closet."

"I miss my shoes," Tom chimed in, too. He had more shoes than Bill, but along with so many other things, he had to store a large part of them away when he moved out of the house. 

"Tom, we need to move out," Bill turned and went to hug Tom.

"That we do, but we also need to walk the dogs, Bill." Bill smiled and pecked Tom's lips. Then he returned to try finding some clever clothes to disguise himself with. Tom sucked in his lips and smiled sillily. His long hair hung loose around his face and as always he looked nothing like what he used to do. He didn't even wear any fancy head gear anymore. His eyes wandered to Bill who tried wriggling into an anorak made of fake yellow dyed fur. Tom was quite sure he'd never seen Bill in that one, and he wondered what had possessed his twin to purchase the neon monstrosity in the first place. "Weren't you going for subtle?" he asked laughing.

Bill grinned when his head finally appeared. "Give us a hand, Tom."

Tom came close and he smiled brightly at Bill, pulling the anorak all the way down for him. Well, it didn't look too bad, and it definitely didn't look like Bill. The black jeans fulfilled the ensemble, and Tom supposed they were ready to go. Bill wrapped a black scarf around his head and with gloves ready to pull on, too, they were off.

Scrambling down the stairs with all four dogs, the twins headed straight for the park. The air had the tell tale scent of spring to it, and even though it was still cold, it wasn't too bad. A lot could happen in a week, Tom mused, and grabbed Bill's free hand. It was dark, and the paths were only lit by lamps far apart. It was a lovely evening, and everything was quiet and Tom felt he, Bill, and the dogs were the only ones in the world. 

"You know... all these years, people questioned my sexuality?" Bill said to Tom.

Nodding, Tom conquered. "Yeah, it was annoying as hell."

"And in all those years, I denied it vehemently," Bill stopped to let his dogs sniff and mark some bushed. "I just..."

"You're going to tell people?" Tom blurted out his question.

"No-no-no. That's not what I'm getting at," Bill said. "I just... I'm still attracted to girls, you know."

"Bill, I know what you mean," Tom said.

"I know you do. I just wanted to say it out loud," Bill said. "But... I'm just... I need to be close to _you_. Not men in general. I just feel safer knowing we're together."

"We're always together."

"I always want us to be together."

"Gustav got himself a girlfriend, by the way!" Tom suddenly remembered.

"Get out of here!" Bill laughed.

"Happened late last summer. Neither of us could believe it... Well, I was cut up about your disappearance at the time, but it did register with me that Gustav had found himself a little companion," Tom grinned, and Bill swatted him with their interlaced hands.

"Stop behaving lecherously on Gustav's behalf."

"They're more lovey-dovey than Georg," Tom laughed.

"Know who else is sounding lovey-dovey?" Bill asked, looking at Tom, expectantly.

"What?" Tom asked. "What? Us?" 

"Uhu," Bill smiled, toothily. 

Two runners came around the turn they were approaching. One of the girls shot them a quick look, but continued passing them.

Tom squeezed Bill's hand and felt his twin squeeze his back in the same instant. "She recognised us," he murmured, feeling adrenaline released in his veins.

"Fuck. You just never forget that particular look of recognition. Let's quickly go back and drive to Hamburg, Tom. I have an urgent need to be close to Mama and Gordon now."

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Tooomm!” Bill whined, trying to figure out what to pack. “I haven’t done this for so long, and now I can’t decide on what to bring.”

“Just...” Tom appeared in the door and took in the disaster of Bill’s room. “Just five t-shirts and two pants. Five boxers and socks. We’ll fucking buy whatever you need when we get there.”

“Okay. Okay,” Bill complied and dumped the contents of one of his large bags. “Tooomm!” he screeched.

“Bill!” Tom yelled back. “You’re not a kid! Pull yourself together!”

They looked at each other with murder in their eyes. Then Tom turned around and left. They didn’t have time for a twin fight now. He went into his room and sat down on the bed. He’d already finished packing. It was the same he always brought along when he went to visit his parents. Back in the time when they were busy with Tokio Hotel, they easily filled 8-10 suitcases... well Bill did anyway. So he understood Bill’s confusion when he couldn’t even pack one. He just couldn't contain it right now.

“Done,” Bill mumbled from the door. Tom got up and saw his brother's forlorn expression. Smiling, he went and embraced his brother.

“Let’s go then,” he said.

Loading the Escalade took a few minutes, because they brought the dogs along, as well. Tom remembered to bring food for them, since he wasn’t sure how much food Simone and Gordon kept around for the big dogs.

As soon as everybody was comfortable and secure, Tom started the car.

“I want my driver’s license back,” Bill said. “I asked the detectives, but they said I had to address the police station.” A small sigh escaped Bill and he folded his hands across his stomach.

“Uhu,” Tom grunted. “That’s how it’s usually done.”

“I had a license, but I never...”

“Do you still have your bag in the other apartment?” Tom interrupted.

Pondering Bill nodded. “Could be. I never really saw it again. I would have known my name wasn’t Dieter if he let me look in it as I got more aware.”

“He probably threw it away...” Tom halted seeing the interest in Bill’s eyes. “Should we look before we drive?” he asked.  
Bill frowned. “We might not be allowed to enter the flat.”

“You still have the key, right?” Bill nodded. “You wanna go investigating? It feels like the last chance somehow.”

“Let’s do it, Tom. It’ll be strange to see the flat again after regaining my memory.”

“But after that, we leave for Hamburg, okay?”

“Okay.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Look at that,” Bill whispered, seeing the flat again for the first time since he’d left it several days ago.

“This is where you lived?” Tom stated, curiously taking in the place. They’d expertly darted under the plastic strip warning off entrance, and the key still fit.

“Yeah...” Bill said and darted a look round the living room. Taking a determined stride towards a row of shelves against a wall, he began to rifle through some albums. If the police had been there, there were no visible signs of _their_ investigating work. Bill went through all of the albums, and gathered them in his arms looking relived.

“Nothing is missing.”

“Of what?” Tom asked, suspiciously.

“There are some... pictures here that I’d really not have anyone looking at.”

“You remember something?”

“Yeah... I... he took a few pictures once in a while.”

“What kind of pictures?” Tom asked alarmed.

Bill shook his head. “Nothing dirty, Tom. He didn’t tape me or anything. I just don’t want anyone seeing me with him.”

“Let me see those pictures, Bill.”

Bill handed the albums over.

“They’re big,” Tom said, meaning the pictures. The albums were in the neighbourhood of A5 in size, and in one of them there was one picture on every page in the same format. He was looking at an entire album with pictures of Bill sleeping. There was no change in the pictures. Bill slept in the same position, and it creeped Tom out, knowing how defenceless his brother was in those pictures. He was obviously drugged, and he looked like he did before the accident. Tom concluded that these pictures were taken after the man had kidnapped Bill; memorising the event for ever after. Yeah, maybe the guy hadn’t ‘taped’ Bill, but this was the work of a positioned camera taking pictures every few minutes to monitor Bill’s sleep.

A sob rose inside Tom, and he quickly dried his eyes. Checking where Bill was, he found his brother wasn’t in the room anymore. “Bill?” Tom left the living room, and went searching for him. He heard some rustling somewhere else and realised Bill was now in the bedroom. Swallowing, he felt uncomfortable knowing the level of intimacy that had gone on in that room, but he approached nevertheless.

“Bill?” he asked again. When he stepped inside the room, he found Bill sitting on his knees, concentratedly going through the contents of a wardrobe. Looking around, Tom found that it was a surprisingly nice bedroom. The bed was pretty expensive and everything else in there wasn’t really disturbing at all. Reluctantly, he had to admit that the entire flat wasn’t the worst place to have been living in for six months. But then, Bill hadn’t known any better. “It’s a nice place,” Tom said.

“You think?” Bill’s voice sounded from the wardrobe.

“Yeah.” Tom shrugged even though Bill couldn’t see it.

“I hate the fucking sight of it,” Bill muttered.

 _Obviously,_ Tom thought.

“I found it,” Bill suddenly said. 

“Really?” Tom asked and went to join Bill. When Bill straightened up, Tom saw him with his beloved Prada bag in his arms.

“So, he didn’t throw it away, after all,” Tom said, almost incredulously.

“No! And everything is still there!” Bill quickly checked. “My phone, my wallet, and my driver’s license! I wonder if he thought I would never gain my senses, or maybe he just forgot to discard it after some time.”

“Anything else you need from here?” Tom asked.

“I don’t think so. I don’t feel like I miss something.” Bill’s face was full of smiles. Tom could seriously understand how good it must feel to have these small items of his identity back.

“Let’s get the fuck out then,” Tom growled, as anxiousness overtook him unexpectedly. The much too nice flat suddenly grated on his nerves, and the knowledge of the things Bill had experienced here not so long ago seemed suffocatingly close. Cradling the photo albums in one arm, he almost dragged Bill along with his free hand. 

Back in the car, the twins sat for a few minutes calming down. 

“I wonder if my credit card still works!” Bill grinned.

Tom just nodded. He supposed it did, as money still kept coming in from sales. It would seem that the fans never gave up on some points. There had been talk of a ‘Best of’ album a few months back, but Tom and the G’s hadn’t wanted that. It would have felt like the final end of the band... and Tom was still not convinced that Bill was dead at the time. Now it was definitely not going to happen. They had plenty of live work to cover any need for a ‘Best of’.

“I’m never setting my feet in that place again,” Bill said.

Tom agreed. “Yes.”

“What was I thinking going back in there?”

“You wanted to see if your bag was still there.”

“You suggested it,” Bill said, accusingly.

Tom sighed. “Yes, I suggested it. Happy?”

“No, Tom. I’m not. And if we hadn’t taken the dogs for a bloody walk, we’d be fucking right now, and we wouldn’t have been recognised.”

“So it’s the dogs’ fault?” Tom concluded.

“No. Just saying,” Bill ended lamely. Ignoring Tom for now, he opened his bag, and smiled fondly as he gazed at the contents.

“Doesn’t it smell musty?” Tom asked.

“No. It doesn’t. Drive, Tom,” Bill said and pulled out his makeup bag.

Sighing, Tom set the car in motion and headed towards Hamburg.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“David? It’s Bill. Yeah, it’s really me! Yeah, thanks. I’m quite happy to be back in my real life. I can’t believe how I missed being myself, missed my stuff. Yeah, yeah, Tom, too. Of course, I missed Tom the most, and I missed you guys so much. Hm? No. Not yet. I’ll need a few more weeks, I think, before I want to get back to work. No, I can’t talk about the case now. I prefer not to do it over the phone, if you don’t mind. But a lot has happened. However, listen, David. Tom and I went walking the dogs tonight, and we think some fans recognised us. So if they leak the story already tonight, we prefer to be in the studio and everything. So we’re asking to borrow the studio flat. We’re heading towards our parents but won’t bother them with sleeping arrangements. But if...”

Tom turned his head occasionally to watch his twin talk to David. Bill was all smiles and charms. It was the first time the two of them talked since Bill had returned. Bill seemed to dive head on back into his life and he talked like it was just last week he last saw their manager.

“Uhu... No, if the story gets out already, roll with it. Sooner or later, I have to return to being a public person, you know. But we were just wondering if you have thought about what to tell the public?” Bill turned to look at Tom who looked back a few seconds. “Oh, you haven’t?”

Tom shrugged. “It’s a delicate subject, Bill.”

“But it’s great we can sleep over.” Covering the phone, Bill asked Tom. “Do we still have the key, he asked?”

“Yeah. I have the key,” Tom said, giving him a ‘wtf’ expression, since they were already on their way.

“Tom still has a key. Thanks so much, David. I’ll see you soon.” Bill disconnected Tom’s phone.

“What do you mean ‘soon’? Is the team over there?”

“No. They’re gone for today. Sooo...” Bill reached out and touched Tom’s gauged earlobe. “... it’s just you and me in the studio tonight, Tom.”

Tom didn’t answer, but he saw a certain light in Bill’s eyes. He was thinking about the same thing, and he really looked forward to sleeping in their old bed in the studio flat. “What did he say?” Tom asked. 

“That it was a tricky part to avoid it sounding like I was away deliberately to create publicity for the band.” Bill looked a little unhappy. “Imagine that?” He sniffled, but quickly looked away. “Fucking publicity...” Shaking his head, he bitched for a while at the sheer absurdness of the thought. Then he changed the record abruptly. “He wants to hire our security staff again. He says it’s not safe, Tom.”

“Okay,” Tom nodded. He had no problem with that. 

“Shouldn’t I call Mama and Gordon and tell them we’re coming with the dogs and everything?”

“Oh, we kind of forgot that in the hurry. Better do it right away.” 

“Speed dial?”

“Um... two.”

Bill smiled a little and Tom turned to look at him. “What?”

“Am I number one?” Bill asked.

“Yeah.”

“Even after I was declared dead?”

“Yes,” Tom murmured. They kept their eyes locked for a few more seconds before Tom had to concentrate on the road.

“Thanks,” Bill whispered, and Tom swallowed with the same emotions.

“You’re welcome, Bill.”

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

The twins were greeted heartily by their parents, even if it was just for a quick hello and dumping the dogs on them. But they did have time to tell them the big news.

“What happened?” Simone asked with an expectant smile on her face.

“Well,” Bill said and folded his hands. “Someone beat the guy up in the men’s room, and hung him up in his shirt. Until... he died.”

“Oh, my God!” Simone said shocked. “Tonight?”

Tom and Bill nodded. “Tonight. It happened while the police came around and asked some more questions. I sort of forgot to tell them I had regained my memory.”

“Is that a fact?” was all Gordon said, he looked up from the photo albums they had dropped on the kitchen table.

Tom turned slightly and looked at his stepdad then his mum. Gordon’s expression was strange and his mother’s eyes sought her husband’s but he avoided looking at her. Tom wondered... “What do you mean, Gordon?” he finally asked, but Gordon just smiled wryly and buried his hands in his back pockets.

“What is it?” Bill asked and smiled. “Is that all you have to say?”

“What I want to say is I’m glad you’re out of this mess, Billy.” Gordon came and embraced Bill, thoroughly. Bill looked confused at Tom but embraced him back.

 _What’s going on?_ Bill formed the words silently. Tom shrugged but a sixth sense was building up inside him rapidly. 

“Did you see that movie tonight on NDR?” Tom asked, testing waters.

“No. Band practise,” Gordon said, as he released Bill and went to stand behind Simone who couldn't look Tom in the eye.

Obliviously, Bill smiled at them and said, “We didn’t watch it either, Tom! We walked the dogs. But mama! I remember everything. There is nothing I’ve forgotten.”

Offering her youngest a smile, Simone nodded. “And I’m so glad, sweetheart...” Bill quickly went and embraced her.

Tom stared at Gordon who met his gaze stoically, but his expression revealed nothing else apart from that. Clearing his throat, Tom said, “Mama? Bill? We’d better get a move on.”

“You think those girls will leak their information to the press?” Gordon asked.

Letting go of his mother, Bill answered, “We’re quite sure the girls recognised us. At least one of them. So if they care enough they’ll go to the press with their information, and then it’ll be front page stuff tomorrow.”

“It was a good choice to get out of Berlin and get close to the Tokio Hotel family, if and when the news breaks out,” Gordon said and nodded. The twins nodded back exclaiming their agreement. 

“Well, we’d better dash off,” Bill said, impatiently. Then they kissed and hugged their dogs goodbye, and readied themselves to drive the last part of the trip to Hamburg.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Do you think Gordon did it?” Bill asked with a touch of hesitation, as he took the next turn. Since he was once more in the position of his driver’s license, Tom asked if he would like to drive, and Bill was thrilled to have a go.

Tom nodded slowly. So Bill was just as perceptive as he had been himself. “I’m never going to ask him, but yes I think he and the guys from his band would be capable of it. I can’t imagine how...”

“He did bring his baseball bat when he came to take us to the police station. I saw it in the car.”

“Fuck. He must have returned to the police station after he left us, Bill.”

“We have no proof, Tom.”

“And we can never ask. As long as we don’t know anything, he hasn’t done anything incriminating.”

“Maybe he wasn’t the one doing it but the band...”

“Bill? Cut the crap. Stop criminalizing anybody.”

“Yeah.” Bill sucked in his lips and looked at the road straight ahead. “Fuck, Tom!”

“Stop getting so stressed about something we have no proof of.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” Bill grabbed the steering wheel a bit harder.

“You’re all right?”

“Yeah. I’m fine, Tom.”

“Want me to drive?”

“No. Just keep quiet,” Bill said modestly.

Tom sighed and looked out of the window. He was positive that Gordon knew they knew, but as long as nobody had said anything about it directly, nobody had done anything. It was just more stress. Tom sighed deeper, then his throat constricted out of the blue. “Bill... I think I’m gonna throw up. Pull over.”

“Here? I mean now?”

“Well, not in the car, so you’d better get...”

“All right, all right. Just a sec.”

Opening the door as soon as the car stopped, Tom threw up on the ground still sitting in his seat. Leaning against the back when he was done, Tom’s breath hitched. Bill leaned closer and embraced Tom the best he could still buckled up.

“What happened?” Bill reached over to find some wet naps in the glove compartment.

Accepting Bill’s careful dabs on his lips, Tom said, “I just thought... if Gordon did it, I just realised he did it for us. A-a-and it’s so big, Bill. So fucking huge.”

“We have to stop thinking about it. Maybe Gordon was just very glad the guy is dead and that none of us will have to deal with the trial. We have no idea how much the thought of a trial has affected Mama and Gordon, and not to forget Dad, Tom.”

“Still...”

“Shhh, Tom. Gordon loves us. I get it. Still, we have to stop talking about it and just...” Bill didn’t finish the sentence and started the car to continue their travel to the studio.

However, Tom couldn’t let it go. He took his phone and dialled their mum. “Mama?” he asked as soon as he got a connection.

_“Tom?”_

“Yes. Is Gordon there?”

_“No. He went to babysit your flat as soon you left.”_

“Really?” Tom asked in a small voice. Their parents had an extra key for emergencies, and Tom supposed this was an emergency of some sorts.

_“Really. Tom, what is it? You didn’t seem okay when you dropped off the dogs. Is it a good idea to drive?”_

“Bill is driving.”

_“I meant the both of you. You seem upset.”_

Tom shifted the phone to his other hand and caught Bill darting a quick look in his direction. A tear slipped down Tom’s cheek and he closed his eyes. “We’re fine, mama. Just need some sleep. These past few days is grating on our nerves, but we’ll cope.”

Simone didn’t say anything and Tom knew she could sense his tears just by listening to his voice. Finally, she said, _“Well, make sure to get some rest. Gordon will keep a keen eye on your flat while you’re gone, boys.”_

Tom frowned and let his eyes wander to Bill’s bag on the floor by his feet. “O-okay, mama. Good night.”

_“Good night, Tom. Tell Bill for me.”_

“I will.” Disconnecting, Tom grabbed Bill’s bag and rifled through the mess, but he couldn’t find the keys for Alois’ flat. 

“What could you possibly need in my bag, Tom?” Bill asked amused.

“Uhm... just your fags.”

“I think I’m out, actually.”

“We’ll get some by the gas station further down there, then.”

“I want some gummy worms and skittles, too, Tom.”

“Yeah. I could use something myself.” And that something was an explanation to why Gordon had taken Bill’s keys from his bag. Wiping a hand across his face, Tom felt a nervous shiver in his body. It still meant nothing. But didn’t exactly put a damper to his suspicion that Gordon could be the one who decided to take the law in his own hands and make sure the creep never bothered them again.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Arriving at the studio, Tom checked to see if any fans had gathered outside the grounds, but not a soul was in sight. Bill sat quietly as the motor still ran and gently, Tom shook his shoulder. "Bill?"

"Yeah," his twin responded promptly, and cut the power to the car. "Let's get inside." 

When they reached the front door, Tom wrestled with his key chain, until he finally produced the right one and unlocked the door. Quickly, punching in the code that activated the alarm inside, he then stepped into the hall and punched another code on the board system installed on the wall to deactivate the alarm. Everything went quiet and Bill joined him.

"It's been ages since I was here," Bill said. "I really miss the smell and the feel of the house."

"Yeah. It's always been a second home."

"I remember I felt like we were on a holiday when we first started coming here."

"You're getting all sentimental, Bill. We spent all our holidays here," Tom laughed.

"Well, you can't really blame me. I..." Bill's eyes became wet and he continued emotionally, "I think I'll be ready faster than I thought."

"Tokio?"

"Yeah, everything. I'm so hungry for it now that we're standing here. The excitement gets to me all over again."

"Still, you should give yourself the time to..."

"I know, I know," Bill waved him off. "But I'll starve for this... the music. Tom, we could..."

"Bill." Tom put a hand over his brother's mouth. "Relax. Take it slow. The rest of us need to catch up, too. It's not just you who hasn't done this in a while." Bill's lips nipped the edge of Tom's hand, and Tom removed his hand before teeth became involved.

Pulling the handle all the way out, Bill began to wheel his suitcase down the hall past the office to the left and kitchen to the right, Tom in tow with his duffel bag over his shoulder. Quietly, the twins walked through the dark house. From the hall, they went through the large studio sending longing looks at mixing table. From there, they walked up the staircase into Bill's tiny old recording booth and further out to the landing leading to the second door. Behind that was their little flat. With a flourish, Bill turned the knob and switched the light on. Tom went past him and stepped inside. He hadn't been here for several months.

"It's so small. I keep forgetting," Bill said, knowing what Tom was thinking.

"Sure looks smaller than when we were kids."

"There was space for all four of us... Remember?"

"Four beds," Tom said, and dropped his duffel bag on one of them. Now there were only two single beds. The G's had stopped sleeping over as soon as they acquired their driving licenses, so they always drove home. But Tom and Bill had become much more involved with writing and producing and usually stayed longer working on the songs, and therefore used the flat practically permanently, living in the studio. That was before they rented their house, but even then they stayed over, occasionally.

"What a mess. Our lives are so complicated, Tom."

"I don't think they were ever simple, Bill, but it didn't help any of us what we went through." 

Bill sat down on the other bed facing Tom. "So?" he said.

"So," Tom responded as he pulled off his Reebok trainers.

"I want you to sit next to me, Tom," Bill said, toeing off his boots.

"Why?" Tom answered and leaned back against a pillow, folding his hands across his stomach. "You could come over here, you know." Bill nodded slowly, but didn't move. Tom realised Bill's mood, and instantly he went and sat next to him.

The many issues they battled against these days problems came rushing all over them once more and Tom really thought he hated his life to some extent at the moment. So many emotions they had to overcome, deal with, and move on. "How are you coping?" he asked.

"I'm coping... satisfactory, I guess. I mean. There's been so much I have to deal with lately that I sort of prioritize what I want to address now and the rest I throw away for later or for never."

"What do you prioritize?" Tom asked.

"You, Tom. Always you," Bill said and smiled at him.

"I wish you'd prioritize yourself, Bill," Tom said looking scrutinisingly at him.

"Tom," Bill said and put a hand on his brother's cheek. "It's the same thing."

Turning bodily, Tom pulled Bill into his arms and hugged him close. "You're right. It's the same thing." Wow, they were really becoming two soft old men lately, Tom thought with a smile. Instinctively, he tickled Bill, and his twin's body convulsed with a shocked shriek.

"TOM!!! You're such an arsehole!"

Tom laughed. "You should have known this!" Bill flailed around him to try and get back at Tom, but he wasn't in the best position to do much more than take the onslaught.

"I c-cant fucking breathe, TOM!" Bill wailed in laughter. Finally, Tom felt pity on his twin, and cackled at the sight of tears streaming down Bill's flushed face.

Bill was breathing hard now and small giggles kept coming. "Fun," he huffed and a huge smile was sent Tom's way. "Now I know you really love me," he said mockingly.

"Yeah, that's the way I treat all the ladies who can't resist me."

"Don't even go there, Tom," Bill said narrowing his eyes. Tom smirked. Bill could choose to get offended being compared to a girl or just give him the finger. Tom got the latter. Then he reached over to look into Bill's bag. He found wet naps and pulled one out.

"Your make up is all over your face," he said and began to gently wipe Bill's face clean.

"Tom, you've changed," Bill teased.

"No, I'm still the same."

"You've changed, Tom," Bill stated and smiled.

"Stop smiling, you'll just get wrinkles," Tom said and demonstrated his point by wiping down Bill's temple.

"Oh, that hurt," Bill said, sarcastically. "Smoking, however, gives you wrinkles, and I wonder how many fags you've had while I was missing." Tom stopped wiping and squinted his eyes, planning on how to hurt Bill in the most painful way within the next few seconds.

"And wanking, too. Wrinkles, wrinkles, loooots of wrinkles because you wank so much you're shrinking your brain into the size of a peanut, Tom," Bill goaded his brother. "Or is that your nuts?"

"Bill, I have to wank, because I don't sleep with girls anymore - remember?" Tom said.

Bill stopped his verbal prancing. "I forgot. I mean, I didn't remember, but I do remember."

Tom nodded. "I'm not interested in sleeping with girls at the moment."

"Oh, now you really do sound like your brain is the size of a peanut. You usually were, Tom."

"Well, I realised how shallowly I was living when the most important thing in my life was not around anymore." Playing with every card he had, Tom made doe eyes at Bill and batted his eyelashes.

"Tom..." Bill smiled. "Mushy mushy." Then he sat up and grabbed his bag, abruptly changing the subject. "I want a smoke." Finding the small carton box, he took one out and looked at Tom for a while.

"What is it?" Tom asked, and pulled out a second wet nap.

"Aren't you done?" Bill asked and put the cigarette in his mouth. "You have the lighter?"

Tom fumbled in his jeans and found one. Bill inhaled deeply as soon as his cigarette was lit, and Tom continued to remove Bill's make up. "Waste of make up," Bill muttered.

"Not my problem. Why did you even put it on so shortly before going to bed?"

"Are we going to bed now, Tom?" Bill asked, his face very neutral, but Tom knew exactly what his twin was thinking about. His cock made a little happy jerk in his underwear, and he took a calm deep breath.

"I want to ask you something," Tom said. "I want to talk about what you remember about..." Tom stopped, but he knew that Bill knew what he was referring to.

"Thought you'd never ask," Bill said. "Want to know everything?"

"I want to know..." Tom stopped. What did he want to know? He wanted to know what kind of sex Bill had with the guy since he still wanted to have it in spite of the negative memories connected with it. "I want to know why you think you're gay."

"I like cock, Tom. Okay? I like the feel of it in my arse, I like to suck it, and I like to..."

"I get the point."

"I don't think you do."

Tom frowned. "What's not to get?"

"Tom." Bill looked down. "Until you've tried fucking a guy, there's nothing to get."

"I still have to compare it to the fact that before you were searching for a girl for a..."

"I was searching for _something,_ Tom. I just didn't know it wasn't a girl, because I had no experience to compare with."

"Well, I've had lots of experience and fucking nameless girls becomes monotonous after a while."

"Several years."

"You know I stopped way before you disappeared."

"Yeah, but what had that got to do with me?"

"A lot. You've always been..." Tom shook his head and smiled. Bill smiled back, pretending to be innocent. "I know I've always made fun of your clothes and everything just like you did with mine, but I never thought you looked... unattractive."

"Oh, why thank you so much for finally telling me. But I knew you didn't. We just kept up the pretence. Stayed in character. Well, I agree," Bill said. "And even though we still look very much like twins, we don't look that much alike that it would be the same as saying I liked myself - if I said I liked how you looked or dressed."

"Right," Tom said fixing Bill's eyes, as he nodded for emphasis. They stared for a few moments more before they barked with laughter. Leaning closer, Tom snatched Bill's fag and inhaled heartily.

"It's not a joint, Tom," Bill grinned.

Tom nodded and grinned back. "I know. Tell me something I don't."

"I want your dick, Tom," Bill said.

Well, he hadn't anticipated that, and of course he liked getting the information. Casually, Tom nodded and shrugged. "Who doesn't? I mean..." He stuck his entire hand into his hair and looked at Bill with a half smile, a smirk that he'd perfected since even before Tokio became famous. However, for Bill it was just the right amount of flirty, because he liked how Bill always had reacted to that with a roll of his eyes. Now, Bill just kept smiling sweetly at him.

"It's that good, huh?" Tom prompted wanting more praise to his neither regions.

"Don't be ridiculous. We look the same down there, don't we?"

"So you know what you're getting. And you really want it?"

"I really want it."

"What does it feel like? What did you do?" Tom asked. Bill scooted a bit closer and pulled his knees up and wound his arms around them. Tom mirrored him and let Bill put his head on his shoulder.

Taking another drag of the cigarette, Bill said. "He always topped. I tried to persuade him to let me top, but it never happened."

"What does bottoming feel like?"

"Good. It feels really, really good. I miss the feel of it, not the action in itself because he was a crap lover. But the friction is..." Bill rotated his wrist a little, his vanished nail catching the light as he tried to convey his point. "... well, you have to try it. I miss the feeling, as I said." 

Tom sucked in his lips. It was very difficult to accept that answer. He always imagined the worst scenario of Bill in the man's arms. Bill suffering, crying out in pain and misery at what had been done to him.

"I liked doing it to myself when you weren't there, Tom."

"Huh?" Tom asked, startled. 

"After you kissed me in Paris, I had this crush I told you about, and my imagination ran away with me. I had to figure out answers and I was creative. I wanted to know everything and yesterday wasn't soon enough. I had to prepare myself. I had to know. What if... what if you came around and decided you wanted more, too. So I had to know."

"I thought you meant you enjoyed it with the guy... the sex. I thought you were..."

"Tom..." Bill pressed his face against Tom's neck. "I'm kind of wrecked. My life back there still feels like a dream. When I saw you in the street after I went out, I sensed how different our conversations were compared to the weird one-sided ones I had with him. I was really affected by the fact I found you immensely attractive, and I craved your company because I was drawn to you. I was so eager to get in contact with you. I was so _hot_ for you."

Tom grunted pleased. His ego sucked up every compliment. "I guess I've become hot for you, too."

"I knew the second I'd met you that I would leave him. I didn't care much for the consequences, or the stability he provided despite everything else. I knew I wanted you, Tom. It just puzzled me at the time why you wanted me back." Bill smiled. "But okay. I was enjoying certain aspects of the sex I had with him even if I never really had a choice, but the things I tried before everything happened..."

"Bill. Stop. You're mixing too many things here. I wanted you back because you're my twin, silly. At the time, you just had no clue. Can we skip what he did to you for a moment and concentrate on what you did after Paris?"

"O-okay," Bill said, looking very distracted. "I-I tried to work with dildos. I needed to figure out what I liked and what you might like..."

"Bill..." Tom said, carefully. "I've never had a dildo up anywhere."

"No?" Bill asked.

"I think you're confused now, Mäuschen."

Bill looked down and nodded. "I think I'm confused, too."

"I think we should go to bed. Too much has happened today and yesterday. You need to slow down and digest all of this before we pile on more things like..." Tom let go of Bill's hand and kissed him softly. "But I like the thought of it."

"Why?" Bill pressed on. "Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I need to protect you. I need to make sure you're safe. I need... I want you for myself," Tom finally admitted.

"But does it include me sexually?" Bill asked.

"It turns me on, so it must be. You have to understand that even if I haven't slept with guys, never entertained the thought for a second, never been curious about what it would feel like, I have done anal... with girls." Bill looked at him a few more seconds, and then he lowered his lashes. Tom saw how pleased he was and swallowing with minuscule nervousness, Tom let it pass. Bill was entitled to a bit of control here. Tom would be happy just to act as a pawn. He was even sure he was going to enjoy it.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Taking off their clothes, the twins lay naked facing each other. Usually, Tom liked hot sex. Clothes flying everywhere kind of thing, and smothering a giggling mess of a groupie into a hotel bed. But that attraction was lost long before Bill disappeared. He felt so peaceful as Bill searched his eyes and kept staring, looking for that something he obviously had found in Tom. Tom knew he had been right. He wanted Bill for himself physically. He couldn't quite convince himself why that had changed because he would never find other men attractive so it had to be on another sexual level than how Bill was operating. 

When Bill leaned in to kiss him, Tom kissed back and drew his hands down Bill's side to pull his thigh over Tom's hip. His cock hardened so fast he moaned into Bill's mouth. Yes, Bill turned him on so fucking much, and Tom knew it had to be some kind of perverse thrill that Bill wanted him back. Rolling Bill on his back, Tom ground his hard on into Bill's groin. His baby brother was hard and wet against Tom's skin and his moans became ragged as they continued to kiss savagely.

"God...m-I want you," Bill whimpered, and gyrated his hips into Tom's.

"What do you want, huh?" Tom asked. "Huh?" Counter pressing into Bill, it didn't take much time for everything to start feeling good and slick.

"I want to feel you, Tom. I want you," Bill chanted. "Want you, want you." His kisses were moist and energetic, such delicious noise. 

"This is what you want?" Tom asked rubbing his lips against Bill's.

"Yes. Oh, God, yes," Bill replied.

Letting go for a small moment, Tom got on his knees and pushed his brother's body, elevating his hips and arse. Cupping the tiny rump presented to him, Tom squeezed the smooth flesh and god he was so hard. He leaned forward and pressed his length between Bill's legs, pressing it along his cheeks. That Bill was acting slutty didn't even cross his mind. He liked when the girls were all horny for him, but Bill was different. Bill needed this like any basic need a human craved. Tom was also turned on by the fact that that had really nothing to do with Bill's bed related nightmares with the other guy. Maybe he and Bill were really back to scratch. To the time after Paris, and Tom smiled beautifully, and a flush of another emotion ran through his body.

"I need to find something slick. Hang on a second, Bill."

"My bag..." Bill said, craning his neck to follow Tom, as he twisted to reach the bag at the end of the bed. Tom dumped all the contents on the floor and snatched some moisturiser.

"It's probably outdated..." Bill said.

"Well, I wasn't going for a soft cock, so it doesn't matter," Tom dead panned pointing to the guarantee label for soft skin on the bottle. Bill giggled and kept his thighs open. He touched himself, pulling at his cock as he sent Tom scorching looks. Tom tongued his lip ring a few times taking in the sight of his wanton twin before flipping the cap and squeezing out cream in his hand.

"I probably need some preparation," Bill suggested.

"I'll take care of that first," Tom responded. Bill hummed and let his nails travel up and down the back side of his long limbs and Tom rolled his eyes. How he'd never found Bill's long slender legs alluring before this moment seemed like a mystery now. Bill had great fucking legs, girlishly shaped in a way that Tom found arousing. Kissing a calf, he then sent Bill a hot look that ended with an eruption of laughter from Bill.

"TOM!" he shouted, and squeezed his eyes shut.

"What?" Tom grinned back.

"You can't prepare me with arse cold cream and try seducing me at the same time. I am seduced adequately. Now I'm just waiting for the punch line." His eyes popped open again, alert and full of glee.

"There is no such thing as too much seduction," Tom said.

"When you slant stuff on my arse at the same time, there is," Bill pointed out.

"Whatever," Tom grunted and looked at the mess he had made. Bill's rear was sporadically smeared in moisturiser, and Tom honestly hadn't paid attention to how well aimed that had been. He'd been more focused on reaching Bill's lips for another kissing session. "Okay... serious business. So no foreplay either, I presume?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I don't know. Hand job, maybe even a blow job?" He was teasing his brother now.

"Blow job?" Bill asked, his eyes catching a different light of interest. "Would you seriously consider blowing me? You've never blown a guy in your life, Tom."

"Have you?" Tom retorted, because it was a plausible question. He slipped a finger inside Bill, and that obviously caught him by surprise. A low moan escaped Bill, and Tom smirked seeing it was okay.

"I blew the guy, yes."

"Did you like blowing dicks?"

"Because he had so many?" Bill grinned, but then his facial expression became more slacked. "Give me another one, Tom," he then said, meaning a second finger.

"Well, did you?" Tom asked, as he greased two more just to be on top of the situation for when Bill wanted a third and fourth. It went in fairly easily.

"Well, enough for me to want to blow you, Tom," Bill assured him.

"That's not an answer, although I wouldn't mind watching you suck me off."

"Of course you wouldn't. I don't know how good I am, but I'm sure you would be fabulous sucking me off."

Tom smiled. Yeah, right. "Of course I would be fabulous, but!" he stopped Bill before his twin got ideas. "Not right now..."

"Well, you did ask me if wanted foreplay, Tom," he said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Do you?" Tom asked.

"This is good enough," Bill replied, as Tom slipped in a third finger to join the other two. 

Tom took his time feeling Bill, and he watched his brother's face to monitor if he liked what Tom did to him. The few girls he had tried this with had responded with a mix of pure bliss and embarrassment complaining they couldn't figure out exactly if it felt good or if they needed the bathroom. It was a boner killer to put it mildly, but at least he had been able to prepare one girl sufficiently enough to actually go through with a full intercourse. Afterwards, he'd concluded that he liked anal sex, but it had been too much work. 

Bill was different. He didn't show any signs of discomfort but had his head turned, rotating his hips slightly with Tom's slow thrusting movements.

"You really like anal play, don't you?" Tom concluded.

"I like doing it with you. God, I miss my jewellery," Bill said randomly.

"You have tons of jewels, Bill," Tom grinned.

"My piercings, Tom." Bill let his palm slide down his chest, and Tom gulped understanding. "I want them back in. Here..." He touched his chest in the area of his left nipple, and then he let his mouth hang slightly open and Tom looked. He couldn't anything else, but. He was so used to seeing the glint of Bill's barbell piercing, and yes, he sort of missed it, too, of the visual familiarity of it.

"We'll take care of it soon," he said. "Why did he take them from you in the first place?"

"Doesn't matter now. Getting them back matters," Bill said, his voice slipping into the lower register, as he let a wet tongue glide across dry lips. Tom imagined how a blow job from his pierced tongue would be like. Sure he had gotten his share from girls over the years, trying to imitate Bill by copying his piercings, and... well; it did feel much more differently than regular blow jobs. Bill's fingers graced Tom's dick, and the jolt made pre come trickle out copiously. 

"Tom, I'm ready," he breathed sexily. Tom bent and kissed Bill on the joint between hip and thigh. Taking a deep breath, Tom inhaled the heavy scent of arousal and sex exuding from his brother's groin. Squeezing the last bit of cream out of the tube, Tom fell slightly into the 'V' Bill's spread thighs created once he was lubed up good. Keeping the balance on one hand, he grabbed his cock with the other.

Impatiently, Bill grabbed Tom's waist and urged him into action. "I want the piercings back in, because they feel good," Bill whispered in Tom's ear. 

"Tell me about it," Tom said, and pushed his cock head against Bill's pucker. 

"When I touched them, they sent tingles all the right places," Bill said, running a hand over Tom's back and down to grab his arse cheeks, trying to force Tom to penetrate him faster. 

Sliding inside his brother, Tom sighed with a small moan. Bill pulled his knees further back, bending in half. Tom grabbed his legs and put them over his shoulders. Tom remembered the sensation now. How much tighter the squeeze around his cock felt doing it anally. Moving closer to Bill, Tom aligned himself along Bill's body and rested on his underarms. Nibbling Bill's plush lower lip he pushed all the way in. Bill kissed back.

When Tom thrust harder, Bill let out a shuddering whimper. "Gees, Tom. You're hitting me right on target."

"Good?" Tom asked, working his hips like a metronome, fucking Bill.

Bill breathed labouredly. "The best. Kiss me again, Tom." 

Eagerly, Tom stuck his tongue into Bill's mouth, and his twin caught it with his own with an obscene moan. Tom never moaned like that in bed, but knowing he was the one making Bill respond single-mindedly, gave his libido a boost it hadn't tasted in quite a while. Tom had never imagined that Bill would look and sound like this when he had sex. Never in his life had Tom thought he would be present to witness Bill having sex with somebody in the first place. But here he was in the middle of it, because _he_ was the one Bill had sex with, and possessive arousal flared through him once more. 

"You really like this," he stated.

"Don't you?" Bill asked, fisting his cock.

"Fuck, yes," Tom responded. He really did. Slowing down, he saw the delight written all over Bill's flushed face. Tom licked sweat beads off his upper lip, and closed his eyes. He felt spikes of pleasure prickling inside his body, hardening his nipples and cause goose flesh to erupt all over. All of sudden that particular feeling, that particular spark that centred everything across the small of his back told him that he was getting closer. His cock twitched excitedly, tugging his balls determinedly hard. Bill clenched involuntarily around him, and Tom cried out. 

"Uhhhh, Billy! Oh, God." His head dropped and his hips pistonned jerkily, completely out of control. Trying to watch Bill was impossible; he couldn't keep his eyes open, and then he climaxed. Bill clamped down around his cock, letting out an almost pained yell. His nails raked down Tom's back, and Tom winced in added pain, but his motions didn't still, and he kept fucking Bill like on autopilot. 

Collapsing on top of his brother, Tom couldn't really hear anything for a while. His face was pressed against Bill's chest and he was still smothering him. Slowly his senses returned, and he pulled out, letting Bill's legs down from their folded position. At first, Bill didn't complain or anything and, to Tom's astonishment, his twin had fallen asleep. 

"Urgh..." Bill complained, softly murmuring in his sleep as his cramped legs were stretched out. 

Appreciatively, Tom let a hand slide up his long willowy body. "Want me to wash you?" he asked. He was going to clean up himself, but Bill didn't respond to the offer, so Tom made the decision for him and went to fetch the compact of wet naps from the floor. Lovingly, he wiped off cum from Bill's groin and flaccid cock. Then he took care of himself and finally, he lay down next to Bill and cuddled his sleeping frame close.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Tom?”

“Hmmm...?” Tom mumbled in his sleep.

“Are you awake?”

“No...” Tom opened his eyes and watched Bill hover over him. “What is it?”

Bill lay down and snuggled close to him. Tom smiled and closed his eyes. “Go to sleep, Bill.”

“Okay, shit face, don’t take it personally,” Bill said in a sing-song voice.

Tom chuckled, recognising the text to one of their first songs ‘Freunde Bleiben’. Bill smiled at him, and Tom leaned closer and kissed his smiling mouth. “I never told you, Bill,” he said, “but I always adored your voice when we were younger.”

Bill’s eyebrows rose leaving his smooth forehead bathed in fine lines. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Tom said and touched Bill’s cheek. “You had an edge to your voice. I loved that.”

“And now?”

“Well, it sort of got lost when your voice broke.” Bill looked attentively at Tom. “Even though your voice is deeper now than ever, it’s some how lighter than it was when you were a boy.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Bill grinned.

“I know. You should play with the edge some more.”

“Raunchier?”

“Could be.”

“Yeah. I should learn how to vibrate, too.”

“Why are you awake, Bill?” Tom wanted to know.

“I woke up because I missed you.” Bill pressed his naked body against Tom, and Tom rolled him onto his back and covered his slighter frame with his own bulkier one, making sure his twin could feel he was hard for him already.

“Put it in me,” Bill begged in a whisper. Tom grabbed his cock and aimed for Bill’s still slick entrance. Pushing inside, he winced at the pleasure it already gave him, and then Bill wrapped his legs around his waist. 

“You’re not too sore?”

“No. I want you again,” Bill replied, sucking Tom’s earlobe into his hot mouth.

Tom shuddered as he moved his hips eagerly. “God, I love fucking you, Bill.”

“I’m a good fuck.”

“An incredible good fuck.” 

“Because you love me,” Bill stated.

“And I love you anyway, Bill,” Tom corrected him.

Bill started to moan labouredly. “Faster. Make it faster. And harder.” Tom continued to thrust a few more times until Bill shivered and gasped as he clenched violently round Tom’s girth.

“You came?” he asked unsure.

“Y-yeah... I can control this,” Bill gasped.

Tom huffed. Bill hadn’t released anything, yet. Who could have known his had picked up how to control tantric orgasms? Tom wasn’t even half way there and ignored his twin’s weak protests asking him to stop for a second. 

“Just a few more, Bill...”

“I’m so sensitive, Tom... so good...” Bill groaned and turned his head away. Tom grabbed his jaw and kissed him wetly, playing with his tongue, and Bill flailed under him, crying out.

“Ooooh, Tom! I’m coming...”

Tom was swept away with arousal, too, and gushed all he had into Bill.

“Oh, fuck me, Tom! Fuck me harder!” Bill was pushing back, and Tom felt the hot drops of Bill’s second climax splatter between them.

“I’m fucking you as hard as I can,” Tom grunted, still coming.

“A-again, Tom!” Bill moaned.

Tom sighed deeply and pulled out. “Aren’t you done?” he asked, incredulously.

“Noooo,” Bill complained and erupted with laughter.

Tom sat back on his haunches and took in the sight of his twin sprawled out shamelessly before him. He put his hands on Bill’s knees and rubbed them. They were smooth and caught the sparse light from the small window. Grabbing Bill’s cock, he tugged vigorously for a few minutes and laughed when Bill finally let go of his last climax.

“Finally,” Bill said.

“Finally what?” Tom asked, smirking.

“I’ve finally had you,” Bill sighed in contentment, his small body still shuddering with the aftershocks of his prolonged arousal. Tom reached out and graced a perky nipple with the pad of his index finger. Bill arched in shock and moaned, “Gods, I need my nipple ring, Tom. Can you imagine the sensations it would make all over my body?” Bill let his tongue lick along his upper lip.

Swallowing with difficulty, Tom shook his head a little. He wasn’t really used to hearing Bill talk so freely about his desires, his sex drive. It turned him on, because they mirrored his own. Those he used to have towards girls. Now, all he wanted was focused on Bill, and he grunted pleased that Bill would only get it from him. No one else, man or woman, would be allowed to put their moves on his twin ever. Growling low in his voice, Tom pulled Bill close and held him possessively.

“You’re mine, Billy,” he said in Bill’s butterfly shaped ear.

“All yours, Tomi,” Bill confirmed and hugged Tom back, “and don’t you fucking dare fuck somebody else, either.”

“I promise, Bill,” Tom said and meant every word he said.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“Bill?” Tom asked, shaking Bill’s shoulder lightly.

Opening his eyes, Bill squinted at Tom. “What?” then he smiled and wound a long arm around Tom’s neck. “Kiss me.”

Tom quickly pecked Bill on the lips.

“I want you,” Bill moaned, dreamily.

Tom chuckled. “That’s great, Bill, but Jost is here. So you better wake up from that sexy dream you’re having.”

“Oh...” Bill replied disappointed. Slowly, he sat up zombie like and stared into space for a while. Tom put a cigarette between his lips, and Bill bobbed it expectantly, until Tom gave him a light. “Pfankz,” Bill muffled and smiled at Tom with closed eyes.

Tom squatted in front of him and put his head in Bill’s groin above the duvet. “You’re gonna be okay?”

“Mmhm,” Bill said and took the smoke between his fingers. 

“We’ll fuck later,” Tom promised and smiled at how quickly Bill opened his eyes and focused on Tom’s. “See you in ten minutes, honey,” Tom added, and then he left Bill to his own.

Returning to the kitchen, Tom sat down in front of David. “He’s awake. That’s a start.” David nodded and Tom felt his manager’s nervousness. “He’s the same, David. He’s changed but not in the way of how you remember him by.”

“It’s only been six months, Tom. But with the way our lives were, six months felt like six years... if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Tom said. “What me to make some coffee?”

“Thanks. That would be great.”

“Should we call Georg and Gustav?” Tom suddenly asked, thinking that this may be more than a social visit.

“No. I came to see you and Bill and catch up with some paper work.”

“All right. We want to invite the G’s over later. I’m sure Gustav’s dying to see Bill again. They’re just holding back because Bill needed time with me.”

“They’re really considerate people, Tom,” Jost said, teasingly.

“Never said they weren’t, but they’re also great to mock,” Tom grinned.

David smiled. “You were such a homogeneous bunch. All giving some stability to the group. It was amazing.”

“Don’t talk past tense...” Tom said with a furrowed brow. “Or... is there something else you have to tell us?” he asked, a dread making its presence in his stomach immediately.

“No, Tom,” David’s eyes became round with surprise. “Gees! No, no, no. We’re not dumping your arses!”

“Phew...” Tom held on to the kitchen counter a few seconds. “Okay.” Then he smiled weakly and filled the canister with water, measured the coffee and set the machine to brew.

“You guys are paying for my pension,” David joked, and Tom grinned at him.

“All right. Just checking.”

“It’s understandable. All kinds of things are considered when you have time to think with these circumstances. We did the same thing here.”

“You’ve worked with other talents?” Tom asked.

“A few. Nothing promising so far.”

“We can’t all become stars over night,” Tom said with a smirk.

“Who became stars over night?” Bill asked as he stepped into the kitchen. His eyes focused softly on David as if he was preparing himself for an emotional outburst. However, it was David’s lips that trembled as he slowly got up from his chair and went to embrace the lanky twin. Not a word was uttered between the two. Tom rolled his eyes a little, but his own heart strings were tugged multiple, too. 

“So good to see you,” David finally said and cleared his voice. His hands went to his wet eyes and tried to dry them, but he was on a roll literally, and more kept streaming down his face. 

Bill nodded. “It’s been a while, David,” he said and darted a look at Tom who sent him a set of pouty kissing lips. Bill’s eyes crinkled in a smile and sent the airborne kiss back to Tom. David was still drying his eyes, none the wiser.

“So what are your plans, guys?” David asked, knowing the Kaulitz twins always had plans.

Bill drew his eyes away from Tom’s and smiled at David. “Well, we want to get back to work. We want to start writing music again, so we’re going to be around again, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay! More than okay! I just didn’t have a clue you’d want to be back so soon.”

“In fact, we’re looking into renting a house in Hamburg again. We thought about the old house we used to rent. It was perfect, but now...” Bill’s forehead furrowed. “I’m not so sure we want to. Maybe we should check out something else? Another agency?”

“It’s probably a good idea to stay away from anything related to the case,” Tom agreed.

“I can’t tell you how happy this makes me,” David said. “I’ll need to inform the rest of management and Universal.”

“Of course,” Bill smiled.

“And... we’ll have to make new contracts, guys.”

“Sure,” Bill nodded. This was obvious.

“I’m going to make sure you get a good deal. This is going to kick major arse, boys!”

Tom and Bill smiled at each other. As if they didn’t know already.

David hugged Bill once more. “So great to have you back, Bill. But now you’ll have to excuse me. I have a ton of phone calls to make.”

“David...” Bill asked. “Were we on the cover of any news paper this morning?”

“No. Why? Oh, because of the girls last night?”

The twins nodded simultaneously.

“No. Nobody said anything about Bill’s resurrection,” David grinned.

“Yet,” Bill said. “Sometimes it just feels like it’s too easy, like there’s a catch,” Bill said.

“Sometimes there just isn’t any catch, Bill. Occasionally, you’re allowed to waltz right through the obstacles. Try and stay optimistic. That suits you much better.” David grabbed a mug and poured himself some coffee, and left to go to the office on the other side of the narrow hall.

Bill followed David’s example and poured himself some coffee. Then he sat next to Tom’s seat and looked at him for a while.

“What are you thinking about, Bill?” Tom asked.

“Sex...” Bill whispered, and leaned in to kiss Tom thoroughly. “Lots of sex.”

Tom smiled. “I think about sex, too,” he murmured against Bill’s lips. “Can’t wait to have you again.”

“And again,” Bill added with a small breathy moan. Tom closed his eyes and tried to will his thoughts elsewhere but remembering how Bill’s tight little arse felt around him made it rather difficult.

Abruptly, Tom pulled back. Hadn’t David called while Tom was in the bathroom; he would have been buried deep inside his brother by now and most like stayed there until Bill had begged for mercy sometime in the afternoon. There was an enormous physical need to have Bill at the moment - a new connection between them that had waited in limbo for so long. Waiting for them to recognise the signs, grab them, and act upon them.

“Stay away, you horny bitch,” Tom joked. “I can’t have you giving me hard ons all day. I’ll be in pain.”

Bill grinned and drank a bit of coffee. “Well, that goes for me, too.” He adjusted himself in his pants. “Damn, why do I wear so tight pants, Tom?”

Tom laughed. “You can always borrow a pair of mine.”

“Well, they’re not even as loose as you used to wear them.”

“Man, never thought I’d hear you complain about my pants not being loose enough.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m praising you lacking huge pants. I never liked the huge pants, Tom.”

“But now you wouldn’t mind...”

“Hi guys,” a voice interrupted their pointless argument, and the twins looked up.

“Michael?” Bill asked, surprised as well as confused.

“David operates fast,” Tom commented at the sight of their former bodyguard - one of the only bodyguards they ever had who actually towered over Bill and made him look tiny even in high heels.

“Good to see you, Bill. Tom,” the giant man said with a nod, acknowledging Tom, too.

“You, too,” Bill responded. “Do we need you today?” He checked Tom to see if Tom knew more than he did, but Tom had no idea.

“No. Just signing a new contract with you guys. Since Bill’s back in business, I’ve heard.”

Bill nodded and waved cheerfully at him. “David’s in the office.”

“See you around then, Blondie.”

“Hmpf. Funny. He noticed,” Bill replied, and looked at Tom. “Should I dye my hair, Tom? Is this uncool?”

“You’re asking me?” Tom replied.

Bill grinned. “Yes. Who else would I be asking?”

“Bill, do whatever the fuck you want.”

“I thought you liked the blond hair?”

“Don’t start,” Tom warned him and got up. If he stayed next to Bill, they’d be snogging again and might not hear when someone entered the room. That was dangerous. 

Standing at the counter, Tom poured himself some coffee. Was it dangerous? Well, he tried to imagine how he’d react if someone actually saw them kissing or worse. The scenario he conjured wasn’t positive. So, yeah. It was dangerous, and Bill was a little oblivious in the safety of their kitchen. But Tom knew his brother was 100% attentive when the world outside laid their scrutinising eyes on them. He would act in character, present himself and the band professionally, and private moments would stand aside until they were back safely in their own surroundings.

“You hungry?” Tom asked.

Bill nodded. “Yeah. What time is it?”

“Around noon.”

“That late. Wow! Did I sleep for that long?”

“Yeah. I thought you needed it.”

“I did. Thanks.”

Carefully, Tom sipped some coffee. “Just like old times.”

“Yeah. I could sleep the day away if I wasn’t interrupted. Just slip in and out of dreams... It was heavenly.”

“Yeah.” Tom loved to sleep like that, too. That they had in common. Now the thought of sleeping spooned against Bill settled very well in his mind and Tom groaned. It was impossible not to get hard all the time. Bill consumed his mind, and Tom felt so chemically balanced he was ready to combust with joy. He still hadn’t stopped to check to see if Bill was really there. It was a habit he supposed he’d drop along the way, but every time he checked, and his eyes confirmed what he was looking for, elation welled up inside him once more like a happy drug.

“Is there any food in the fridge?”

Tom went and opened the door. “Coke?” He turned and looked at Bill.

“Nothing else?”

“No veggie burger. Sorry.”

“Arrhhh,” Bill cooed. “I could eat a veggie burger.”

“Want me to get you one?”

Bill smiled. “Tom... In the middle of the day? In Hamburg?”

“Why not?”

“Well, Michael is here.”

“He’s hardly in service yet!” Tom answered.

“Wouldn’t hurt to ask,” Bill said, fluttering his long eyelashes.

“Gees,” Tom shook his head in disbelief. 

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to just ask him to take us!” Bill repeated his point.

All right. Tom closed the disappointing fridge and went to knock on the office door.

“Yeah?” David’s voice was heard.

Tom stuck his head in and saw the two men sitting on each a chair at the desk, clearly discussing Michael’s contract.

“Bill...” Tom stopped. This was bordering on embarrassing, and six months earlier he wouldn’t have hesitated for a second about asking, but back then, Michael had still been in their service.

“What is it?” David asked kindly.

“Bill is hungry and so am I. We were wondering if Michael would mind taking us for a burger.”

“Sure.” Michael got up, already jostling car keys.

“Take the van, Michael. It has toned windows,” David advised.

“We’d like to shop groceries, too. Can that be arranged?”

“Don’t worry, Tom,” David said. “I’ll have Dunja taking care of it. Just make a list.”

Tom grinned pleased. Certain nice aspects of their rock star life was back!

“We can?” Bill asked, butting his head in above Tom’s.

“Bill!” Tom complained about being shoved aside.

“Go ahead.”

“Have you thought about how we’re going to introduce me to the fans again?”

“Nope,” David said and leaned back in his seat, folding his hands on his stomach.

“Oh...” Bill said.

“Is Michael hired again?” Tom asked.

“Yes,” David grinned. “Kriegbaum & Klöcker are back as our security team.”

“Cool. Missed you guys,” Bill said and slipped away again.

Tom snorted. “So your plan is like... no plan?”

“Sort of.”

“Just letting it happen?”

“I have no clue and I know it’s unprofessional of me.”

“Well, we haven’t exactly thought up a brilliant idea either.”

“How about Bill was in a monastery for half a year and forgot to tell people he needed some time off to collect his thoughts?” Michael offered with a humorous smile.

Tom laughed. “Well, he was in some kind of asylum, so you’re not far from the truth. But wow, that would really be a publicity stunt!”

“Tom... I talked to your mother this morning. She told me that guy was killed,” David quickly said.

“ _SHE_ told you that?” Tom squeaked.

“Well, yes. I asked how the trial was going and she said there wasn’t going to be any trial. Have you any idea how much easier that makes everything?”

“Of course I do. But she told you that?” Tom asked again. In his head that didn’t make any sense. He sort of gathered that his mother would know if Gordon had killed the guy, so if she told David the guy was killed maybe then... maybe Gordon wasn’t the one who did it. If you knew your husband had committed murder you wouldn’t readily flaunt any information about it – even if David was ever so much a friend of the family. Unless she had no clue, of course. Tom wished they could just forget that part – the fact the guy was dead was fabulous, but the part where Gordon might be the guilty one still kept his and Bill’s subconscious busy.

“But it’s a good thing, right?” David asked, looking perplexed.

“It’s good thing, David. No worries. It’s not like we wouldn’t have told you.”

“Someone killed the guy?” Michael asked with interest in his eyes.

“Yeah, in the bathroom at the police station hours later - after we had identified him.”

“Wow. Twisted,” Michael said and grabbed his coat. “You’re ready to go?”

“I am. Not sure about Bill, though.”

But when they neared the door, Bill was already in his coat and boots, joining them as they went out to have a seat in the van.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

“That one,” Bill pointed to a family restaurant that provided drive by service.

“Want me to order?” Michael offered.

“Yeah, but let me see the menu,” Bill asked. He sat in the front seat next to the bodyguard. His blond hair was cutely sticking out from his knitted hat and Tom sat smiling at his reflection from the back seat. Michael handed over the card and Bill snatched it from him. Tom looked from between the front seats.

“I want a veggie burger. And large French fries. And half a litre of Coke,” Bill said almost flutter clapping at the thought of his favourite fast food coming his way. Tom sighed. He was mostly inclined for a chicken burger and decided that he didn’t really have to choose what Bill did. He’d get around to being a vegetarian again some other day.

“I want the chicken burger. _Double..._ aaaand a Coke, too,” he said and ignored the flash in Bill’s eyes as he glared at Tom. “What?” he asked, condescendingly.

“Nothing, Tom,” Bill said, but Tom knew he had plenty on his mind, but not while Michael was present. Michael ordered something for himself and decided to bring some food for David, too, in case he felt like it when they got home stuffed with bags fuming of burgers.

Letting his thoughts travel on their way home, Tom sat pondering. His mother had told David about the kill. But Gordon wasn’t at home. He was in Tom’s apartment. With the key to Bill’s old place. He had to call his stepdad. He just had to. Just to get peace if Gordon could convince him he had nothing to do with it. At least he would have Gordon’s word for it and they could move on. But who else would have an interest in killing some random guy? And in a bloody police station! It was insane in the first place to expect to get out of there unnoticed.

As soon as the van stopped, Bill skipped back inside leaving the door open for Tom and Michael.

Michael went to sit in the office with David once more. Tom and Bill sat down in the kitchen, and started eating with a ravenous hunger. Bill moaned slightly as he took bites of his food, but Tom responded to it. Kicking Bill’s shin, he hissed, “Stop that.”

“Why? Bill asked, not bothering to keep his mouth shut.

Tom grinned. “You’re gross.”

Bill licked his fingers. “Yuck. Too much mayo.”

“You could have told them not to put too much on it.”

Bill snorted. “But I like it when hard objects are slick and oily.”

Tom spluttered his food. 

“Now who’s gross?” Bill asked. Bill’s shameless outspokenness considering his libido was still taking him by surprise. Tom wondered how Bill would deal with it once they were back in the tread mill. Such fun they were going to have with speechless music TV moderators if Bill continued to make random phallic comparisons - not to mention speechless band members.

Bill cast a glance at the door where David stuck in his head. 

“Everything okay, boys?”

“Sure,” Bill quipped.

“Yes. We’re fine,” Tom added.

“I’m off for a few hours, but I’ll be back later. Tomorrow, I reckon we’ll have contracts ready for all of you. Want me to call the G’s?”

“Please. You know what you want to ask them,” Tom said. David could take care of the business calls, but he and Bill really wanted the G’s to come by soon. They had much to talk about and yes, Gustav certainly shouldn’t be delayed any longer from meeting Bill again.

A soft click indicated the door had shut closed. They were alone again.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Back in their room, the twins lounged on one of the beds watching television. 

“MTV used to be much more interesting,” Bill sighed.

“We got older,” Tom replied letting Bill rest his head on his shoulder. Bill wrapped an arm around Tom and pushed his hand up under the fabric of his shirt. Tom shivered involuntarily as Bill let his fingers caress the six-pack they encountered.

“Pull the blanket around me,” Bill asked.

“We’re sitting on it. We’ll have to get up,” Tom said, not moving an inch.

“Hm...” Bill pouted but turned his head away from the screen in distaste of the music playing there. Removing his hand, Bill began to play with Tom’s hair. “Do you like my hair?” he asked, running his fingers through Tom’s thick wavy hair.

“Gods, sometimes I wonder if you’re not a girl, Bill,” Tom huffed; he still wanted to watch MTV.

“Do you like _your_ hair?” Bill carried on undeterred.

“I don’t care,” Tom replied.

“So... I could cut it... and you wouldn’t care?” Bill laughed.

Tom laughed, too, and then he grunted, “Sure.” He was actually curious if Bill would do it. Well, Bill wasn’t going to be asked twice. So he got up, found his bag, and rummaged through the many compartments he kept there. Tom watched his antics from the corner of an eye, but played it cool. 

Returning armed with a pair of scissors, Bill sat snapping the coiffure tool happily. “Ready?” he asked his twin.

Slowly, Tom turned his head. “What if I fucked you instead?” he said and gently grabbed Bill’s buttocks, pulling him closer.

“David is coming back, remember?” Bill said, sashaying his hips slowly as he let Tom fondle the modest roundness secured in his hands.

“I’d be quick,” Tom responded wriggling his eyebrows. Bill just rolled his eyes looking appalled.

“I don't want you to be quick,” Bill said sourly and sat down in Tom’s lap. 

Grabbing Bill’s arm, Tom held it in a safe distance and planted a firm kiss on his lips. Then another one and smiling, he snogged Bill loudly.

“Yuck...” Bill complained, successfully distracted. “You’re not really romancing me like that, Tom.”

“Tough. Go ahead and cut it then,” Tom said.

“Okay!” Bill sprung up,grabbed a stool, and put it in the middle of the bedroom. “Sit!” he demanded Tom.

“All right,” Tom said, knowing Bill would do his best to make it look nice. Like when Bill used to dye Tom’s hair, he also trusted his brother with scissors. “Want me to make it wet?” he asked, helpfully.

“Yeah...” Bill said, twining his long hair, but let go of it as Tom moved away.

Tom grinned and got up and went to the bathroom and quickly used the shower head to make his hair wet. Grabbing a couple of towels on the way out, he came back to Bill who stood resting his hands on the back on the stool.

“Ready?” his brother asked with excitement twinkling in his eyes.

Tom grinned and arranged one of the towels around his shoulders. Bill really looked forward to this, and so he slouched in the stool and let Bill handle his hair. It felt really nice. All his macho thug shit considered, Tom actually loved when Bill played with his hair.

With a happy hum, Bill grabbed all Tom's hair in one hand and began to saw away, leaving it above shoulder length. Tom snorted a little by how fast that went. Off. A second ago, it was still on his head. He assumed it would get better. Casting a look at the hair that lay on the floor now, he hadn’t really paid attention how long it had become. It looked very long the way it was scattered on the floor. Perhaps half a meter.

“Maybe we can give it to charity?” he said, thinking about people who needed wigs.

“Right..." Bill said. "I doubt it would get to those who really need your hair. Tom. It’ll be auctioned away in atom size in little zipper bags on EBay at outrageous prices.”

“A-Toms?” Tom joked. Bill grinned. Tom’s interest in his hair had been lost months prior.

Pulling the towel closer, Tom looked up and rested his head against Bill’s stomach. Looking into Tom’s upturned eyes, Bill spent a few moments smiling back, and Tom shivered in pleasure a little. Bill was clearly in love with him, and reached down and stroked his cheek with his knuckles. “I love you, too,” Tom said softly.

Bill nodded and smiled with bright sparkling eyes. Sniffling, he tilted Tom’s head back in first position, and brought forth a comb to start tidying Tom’s wet locks. Thereafter, he began to concentrated cut bits off. 

Mostly, Tom sat quietly and just enjoyed being beautified by his brother; smiling now and again when they made eye contact. When he was done, Bill fetched his blow drier and Tom tried to protest when Bill conjured a can of hair spray out of nowhere.

“Bill!”

“Shut up. You're going to look fabulous,” Bill replied, clearly loving being in charge of Tom’s make over. He touched a few tuffs of hair, sprayed, and then he took the brush and used the blow drier vigorously. “I wish we had a mirror in here. Didn’t we used to have a mirror in here?”

“In the bath room, Bill, but then every room was your room.”

“Still is. Pfft,” Bill laughed and fluffed Tom’s hair affectionately. “Come with me to the bathroom then.” He dragged off the towel as he grabbed Tom’s hand and together they went to the bathroom to have a look at Tom’s new hair in the mirror there.

Once inside, Bill snuck up behind Tom and wound his arms around him from behind, resting his chin on Tom’s shoulder. Together they looked into the mirror. Tom frowned a little. His hair looked... like nothing it ever had. Well that was not quite true. It looked close to the way it did before he began dreading it roughly ten years ago. Just... _styled_. “Bill...” he sighed.

“Have you noticed how much I look like you now?” Bill whispered, and kissed his cheek. 

Tom smiled and nodded. His brother was suddenly modest, so obviously he was fishing for something. A compliment probably. “I think it’s the other way around, Bill. I look like you now. So there are two of us again.”

“We’ve not looked like each other this much since we were very little.”

“Do you want that, Bill? That we look identical from the tip of our dicks to the top of our heads?” Tom smiled at Bill via the mirror and Bill smiled back.

“Yeah. For a while. I like that we’re the same for a while. Tom. Gods, I need you,” Bill suddenly breathed labouredly. So this was turning him on. “Do you like how your hair has the black tips still?”

Tom laughed softly. It looked really strange. The fluffy way the black ends whipped all around his head. It was a fresh change with the outgrown blond roots that were showing at least four centimetres by now. “All we need is that you dye the ends of your hair black and then nobody will be able to tell us apart.” Bill’s face beamed with smiles. Tom snorted. Well, he’d never have those super narrow oblique eyes of Bill's unless he had an operation... and that was not going to happen. So they’d never be 100% alike, but Bill seemed to think they were now.

Bill hugged him closer and Tom felt the bump of hsi twin's erection firming against his buttocks. Turning, Tom found Bill’s lips and kissed him. “Horny again?” he asked and nipped Bill’s lower lip.

Bill let out a soft breath and put his arms around Tom’s neck. “For you? Always.”

Tom grinned and ran his hands down Bill’s long slender back and up again to cup his bony shoulder blades. “How come you’re thinking about sex all the time?”

“Oh, get real. Tom. Boys think about sex all the time - even if they’re getting some regularly or nothing at all. I’ve always thought about sex, Tom. I just didn’t voice it in the same elaborate way you and the G’s did.”

“No. You just loved to flirt and scatter boners on random people and then leave them hanging.” 

Bill cackled and Tom barked out a laugh, too.

“Was soooo much fun.” Bill rubbed his wet lips against Tom’s. The older twin kissed back, slipping his tongue into Bill's ready mouth. Bill’s hands cupped his face and held on, controlling the delicious kiss.

A noise made them fly apart. 

“Shit...” Tom gasped. 

Wiping his mouth dry, Bill did what he could to adjust himself, and Tom followed his example.

“Well, this is fun, too.” Bill looked at his crotch. “Fuck... What won’t David think?”

Tom was busy with his own crotch, but at least his pants were bigger. “Well, I’m sure he’ll try and ignore it if he notices.”

“Tom? Bill?” a voice was heard.

The twins’ eyes became round. “Gusti?” Bill whispered. Then he galloped out of the bathroom, Tom in tow, and fearlessly threw the door to the landing open. Gustav stood there with a huge grin on his face.

“Well, hello my friend,” Gustav said. 

Bill said nothing for a few moments, and then he heard another noise coming from the stairs. Shortly after, Georg’s long silky haired head showed itself and Bill flutter clapped his hands with glee before embracing them in a huge group hug. “Gustav. Georg.”

The G’s laughed and ruffled Bill’s head. Then they noticed Tom, and they screamed with laughter.

Georg huffed, pointing, “For a second I thought I saw Bill twice. Oh, my fucking god. I sometimes actually forget how much you look like each other. That was a terrific trick!”

“Yeah. We did it just to test your reflexes. We’re not twins for real,” Tom muttered but allowed his friends to give him a hug, nevertheless. Gustav chortled as he had fun destroying Bill’s careful work with Tom's hair. 

“We brought some beer along... and girly stuff for Bill...” Georg joked.

“Just Coke, please,” Bill said.

“We brought you all the things you guys like. David sent a text message with what you needed.”

“Really?” Bill grinned excitedly.

“He said he’d get Dunja in gear,” Tom pointed out.

“Well, apparently he changed his mind and now that we’re here we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Yeah, Tom and I would like to get back to work. Are you ready, too? Or is it too soon?” Bill asked with a hopeful smile.

“Noooo!” the G’s responded. 

“We’ve been waiting for this moment since... well, since...” Gustav said.

“You can say it,” Bill said.

“Well...” Gustav stuck his hands in his back pockets instead.

Together they all went downstairs to the kitchen. There were tons of grocery shopping bags and, helping out each other, they all started filling the cabinets and fridge.

“How are you, Bill?” Georg asked. “You were someone completely different the last time we met.”

Bill smiled and opened a bottle of Coke. “The guy died.”

“He what?” Georg asked, baffled.

“Someone killed him at the police station. Kicked the shit out of him, and left him hanging literally from a stall.”

“What does that mean?”

“Everything. No trial but lots of Tokio Hotel.” Bill shrugged. “I’ve mentioned this a few times too many now. I just want to move on, but hopefully – if there comes some kind of aftermath to this, it’ll be short-lived.”

“Did he do anything, Bill?” Gustav asked.

Tom sighed and turned away and left the kitchen with Georg. He couldn’t handle hearing it from the top once more and left it to Bill to tell Gustav what he felt he needed to hear.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Georg followed Tom into the studio, each loaded with drinks and a few bags of crisps and peanut puffs.

“What’s wrong?” Georg asked.

“I’m... or rather we’re afraid that Gordon did it.” The shock of revealing it so sudden must have been plain on Tom’s face because Georg leaned forward and put his warm hand on Toms’ arm.

“Calm down,” he said. “Are you sure?”

“It’s a roller coaster... our lives are – at the moment. It’s difficult to mentally follow everything because I...” Tom closed his eyes and looked up into the ceiling. The overwhelming emotions came mostly when he wasn’t active. Wasn’t thinking. Nevertheless, at those times, the thoughts definitely seemed to come in rivulets. He turned his head towards Georg and smirked sadly. “I love Bill, I have to get through this and still stand on my feet. He can’t ... he _won’t_ talk to anyone about this but me. I try and persuade him, but there’s only so many times you can do that before he’ll stop talk. I suppose. He seems fine, but how can I be sure? I just want the best for him.”

Georg nodded. “Of course. Just keep your eyes open and when he shows signs of not coping, you’ll be the first to see them.”

“How can I be sure? He might hide them and only when I don’t watch him, he ...”

“Tom... Around you, Bill’s not capable of hiding his feelings.” Georg smiled wryly, and Tom smiled back.

“Well, I’m sure he picked up a trick or two while he was away. You need to be able to protect yourself mentally as well as physically. It’s like he doesn’t want to admit that he was hurt. He’s taking it all in a cheerful stride and I just want to...” _fucking fuck him!_ The words kept tumbling out of Tom, and he realised he needed to voice all the things that cluttered his mind. Looking at Georg’s quietly listening demeanour was starting shake him up a little. He needed to tell Georg that he was fucking Bill, but he couldn’t cross that line. It wouldn’t be fair to Georg, so he took a deep breath and returned to the first topic. 

“So... we went to Bill’s old flat before we left. Bill wanted to try and find his bag. The one he’d had on him when the accident happened. It contained all his personal belongings and so on. He found it but also a stack of photo albums that the guy had arranged neatly.

`There was a series of pictures of Bill sleeping. He looked... beautiful but it was so creepy that the guy photographed him in his sleep. Makes your imagination run amok at what the purpose was. I didn’t get to see the other albums, but when we got home to mama and Gordon, to drop the dogs off, Gordon stole Bill’s keys...” Tom stopped to breathe and darting a glance at Georg, he checked to see how Georg was doing, but he was still quietly giving Tom his entire attention.

“Okay... so why would he do that? He decided to sit our flat and also having access to Bill’s old flat... what... what?” Tom stopped his rambling.

“Maybe he saw the albums, and wanted to check what else is in that flat? You said the guy’s dead, so he might not have had time to take everything.”

“Search for what?” Tom asked with a frown.

“Dirtier pictures, Tom. Film,” Georg suggested, quietly.

Tom felt bile push its way up, but he managed to control it and shook his head with his eyes closed. “The internet?” he croaked.

“That might have been a way to publish things.”

“The police said he wanted to kill Bill at first, but changed his mind. Perhaps he taped...” Tom stopped his treacherous mouth.

“It’s okay. I sort of guess that he was raped, Tom,” Georg said, carefully.

Tom pressed his knuckles against his eyes. “Y-yeah,” he stuttered. Georg pulled a shuddering Tom into a hug and it made it worse. His emotions sprung the dam and tears rolled down his cheeks, making sobs erupt completely unwanted.

Georg petted his hair and said nothing as he gave Tom the comfort he hadn’t known he needed. 

After a while, Tom’s sobs evened out. “I like your hair by the way,” Georg said.

Tom thumped a hard pec and Georg groaned playfully. “Awwww, now I can’t breast feed my unborn children,” he joked.

“Good thing it’s your girlfriend’s job, then,” Tom responded and sniffled wetly.

“Gross,” Georg said and gave Tom another firm hug before releasing him. Tom nodded and moved to the edge of the sofa.

Getting up, Tom then went out in the hall. Picking his coat, he put it on and went to the kitchen. Bill sent him a questioning look, but Tom ignored that as he found his way to the terrace door. Stepping into the garden, he sat down on a cold stone step and pulled out his phone. Taking a deep sigh, he called his step dad.

:::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤::: ~o~ :::¤:::

Having let the call ring out until it disconnected all by itself, Tom shut his phone. He’d try again shortly, so when it started ringing, he jerked surprised. Checking the caller ID, he saw it was Gordon. Pressing the button, he then put the phone to his ear, cleared his voice and asked in a raspy voice.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hey, Tom. What’s up?”

Tom didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“Tom? Was there something you wanted?” Gordon asked.

“Did you do it?” Tom asked.

Gordon didn’t respond right away, but then he asked, “Do what exactly?”

“Did you kill that guy?”

“Would that make you happy?” Gordon replied.

“Did you?” Tom persisted again, his voice breaking slightly.

“No. I didn’t kill him, Tom. But trust me... if I had had the chance I would have.”

“So the baseball bat in your...”

“Tom... ever since you kids were attacked in school when you became famous, I’ve always had the bat in my car. If I don’t... then it’s purely because I’ve forgotten.”

“So you didn’t bring the bat with a purpose?”

“No. It was already in the car. Tom... what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Tom sniffled again. “Maybe I wanted you to be the one who killed him. Maybe not.”

“I believe in love and peace, Tom. Not murder. Although for this one, I wouldn’t have minded wringing his fucking neck.”

“You just didn’t seem that surprised when we were home, dad.”

“So... there’s a rule book on how to react when you’re told your son’s rapist is murdered that I didn’t read?”

“No... I...”

“Tom. We're so fucking happy Bill is not going to be involved in the trial. The guy is dead. He’s wiped from the earth. I hope he suffered, and he deserved that kind of justice just as well as doing time. I’m not sad about that. My kid can move on with his life faster than expected.”

“I’m sorry...”

“I’m not. If you have more on your mind hit me.”

“Why did you take Bill’s keys?” Tom blurted out.

“You noticed?” Gordon’s rhetorical question fell a little heavier.

Tom wiped his hand across his face. “Why? Did you look for something?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you find?” Tom’s voice was raspy again. The good cry he just had didn’t lose its grip on him yet.

“Stuff.”

“Gordon!”

“Tom, I’m not having this conversation with you. I’ll have it with Bill.”

“Bill is not...”

“Bill will handle this.”

“I’ll be shut out.”

“Bill will tell you what he wants you to know.”

“Fuck...” Tom said gritting his teeth. “I want to know!” He knew he sounded like a five year old, but chances were that Bill wouldn’t tell him, and then he’d have all kinds of terrible fantasies about it. “Is it bad? Can you at least tell me that?”

“It’s not bad, Tom. You don’t have to worry so much,” Gordon soothed him. “It’s just minor things, and he can handle it. Trust me.”

Not getting any closer to an answer, Tom sighed. “Okay, dad. But did you find what you were looking for?”

“Yes. I found exactly what I was looking for. I’m sorry if that worried you.”

“All right. Bye then.”

“Bye, Tom.” 

Tom shut the phone and sat for a few moments. Shaking his head, he let it drop. Gordon sounded sincere enough, and Tom decided that if his step dad said he didn’t do it, he didn’t. He’d asked him directly, and Gordon had denied doing the deed. Who was Tom to keep pestering around the subject? Instead, in his mind he thanked whoever had done it and left it at that.

The door made a noise, and Bill came and sat down. “Did you talk to Gordon?”

“Yeah. I needed some answers.”

“Did you get any?” Bill asked and put an arm around Tom’s shoulder.

“Not really. He said he didn’t do it.”

“You asked that?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t you ask about the keys?”

“Yeah. He wanted to talk to you about what he found.”

“But I already talked to him,” Bill said quietly.

Tom frowned confused. “When did you talk to him? I just got off the phone with him.”

“I know,” Bill said and smiled. “I talked to him when he was in the flat with dad. When I still had amnesia.”

“You did?” Tom was so confused now.

“During their visit, Gordon went to check out the flat with dad and, when they came back, Gordon and I talked.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did...”

“I’m not sure Tom. I had too much on my mind to filter things properly and I was very forgetful, remember?”

“Yeah. I remember. What did he say?”

Bill shrugged and picked out a cigarette and lighter from his coat pocket. “Perhaps he wasn’t sure himself.”

“What did he expect to find?”

“Nothing, Tom. He didn’t expect to find anything, so when I noticed the albums; I suppose he got worried he hadn’t found everything.”

“So they found something that day?”

“Yeah. They wouldn’t tell me what so I shrugged. I didn’t care.”

“What happened to that?”

“Whatever it was, it’s gone, Tom. And I don’t want to know what it was.”

“Had it been me, I’d wanted to know what the fuck the guy had going on.”

“You’re not me,” Bill said, and took a long satisfying drag of the fag. Tom stole it from him and took a drag, too.

“I don’t want to see it, know about it and that it’s gone is great.”

“But if it’s so serious they won’t tell you...”

“Leave it, Tom. It’s a futile discussion.” Bill got up and stretched out his hand. “We’ll never know who killed the guy, but in my heart, I believe dad and Gordon did it.”

Tom grabbed Bill’s hand and pulled his brother into a hug. “I’ve decided to let it go. If my top suspect won’t admit it, then it becomes futile indeed.” 

“It was a nice little fairy who decided it was my turn to have some wishes granted and then he was punished.”

“You wanted him to get killed?”

“Leave it, Tom.” Bill smiled at him. “It’s been over for a long while now.”

Tom hugged Bill closer still and felt his warmth begin to surround him. It was time to focus on what he had. He had his brother back alive.

In time, the events would become nothing but a very interesting part of their lives to put in their personal biography.

The end.


End file.
